COMING OF AGE | Nishimura Riki

036 | red watery eyes

sato mai 
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What is life? What is the pure, true, and real definition of life? Because to me, everyone already knows that, like common sense. Everyone has their definition that suits their life, making it even harder for me who can't figure out the meaning of my existence.

Some people are meant to fail. To earn a win, someone has to lose. That's how it works. But sometimes it feels like it's always the same people who are winning and losing.

I haven't lost my Mom yet, but I guess it's a matter of time before I do. Losing her means losing my only reason to stay alive.

"Mai! Your boyfriend is on TV!" Eito screamed.

I stared at him from a distance. Eito was covering the TV screen with his body, but still somehow expected me to see. Despite the low energy in my body, I got up from the couch and walked up to the TV.

It was the king's funeral on TV. Almost the whole population of Tokyo has gathered to mourn the loss.

They cut to a one-frame shot of Ni-ki only. His face was blank, like a white paper. His emotions are nonexistent, almost like he is dead on the inside, but his body is still alive.

I still despise him for what he has done. But just because I despise him doesn't mean I don't care about him. We have gone through too much together for me to not care about each other.

"Did you know he is the Crown Prince?" Eito asked.

"I found out the other day. Not by him but from the media, unfortunately" I answered.

"I don't blame him. He surely had his reasons not to tell me. But of course, I wish he was the one who told me" I added.

"Everyone has a secret they want to hide for difficult reasons. But I still don't think it's fair. He should have told you" Eito said.

The one-frame of Ni-ki never seemed to end. It's like the cameraman knows I'm watching and decides to point all the cameras at Ni-ki. They are not helping or making me feel better.

Am I the fool for wanting to give Ni-ki another chance to explain himself? I never gave him one in the first place because my emotions were boiling and I had to release them. All I did was scream and blame him. I never gave him a chance to explain his perspective.

Ni-ki deserves to say his side of the story out loud.

"I'm coming back soon" I said as I walked away.

⛅️

Meiji Jingu, the location of the funeral, is crowded with paparazzi, journalists, police officers, and the majority of Tokyo's population.

Is this a good idea? Is this even necessary? I may not be, but do I need to meet Ni-ki right now? Yes, I do.

However, talking with me is definitely the last thing he wants right now. Ni-ki is at his Dad's funeral, who am I to suddenly show up and ruin the mood even more? What I'm doing right is pure selfishness and I'm not sure whether I like it or not.

I noticed a tree located close to the wall. If I climb up the tree, I might be able to jump to the wall. There are guards nearby but they all seem to be busy dealing with their chaotic crowds. I managed to climb up the tree without any problem. However, jumping from the tree to the wall seemed easier in my head.

I jumped and held onto the wall for dear life. One of the guards suddenly screamed and started to run towards me. Why am I never thinking through my decision before it's too late? I swung up my leg to help me get to the other side.

The guard was still screaming at me despite having a wall separating us. Once I realized where I was and what I just did. I started to freak out and started to run in the first and best direction.

While I ran for my dear life. I noticed someone sitting by themselves. Getting distracted is the last thing I need right now, but I simply can't ignore it.

It didn't take me long until I realized it was Ni-ki himself sitting there. He didn't take long to realize I was there too. We were standing far away from each other but I could still see the red watery eyes on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Ni-ki asked as he walked up to me.

"To meet you. I figured out you might need me as much as I need you" I answered.

He placed himself in front of me. Seeing the red watery eyes close up breaks my heart.

The moment was interrupted by the guard. He had brought a group of police officers with him. The queen was also there. Ni-ki hid me behind his back while he waited for the crowd to arrive.

"That's her" The guard said.

The police officers started to walk up to us. Ni-ki raised his arm which made them immediately stop.

"You are not taking her anywhere. She is with me. I invited her here" Ni-ki said.

The police officers and the guard looked confused. The queen looks disappointed.

"All you better stay away from her or else you will lose your job, understand?" Ni-ki asked them.

They nodded, bowed, and then left us alone. Except for the queen. She is still standing with the same confused and disappeared look on her face.

"You can leave without me" Ni-ki said.

She definitely had questions she would like to ask before she left us alone but chose to leave before having her questions answered.

Once the queen had turned her back, Ni-ki looked back at me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and then let them slide down until they held my hand. No words needed to be exchanged, we already felt like just by looking at each other.

"I'm so sorry" Ni-ki said as he burst into tears and wrapped his arms around me.