COMING OF AGE | Nishimura Riki

043 | a national scandal

nishimura riki 
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All I needed was to say five words out loud to create chaos. I have waited to say those five words out loud because I want the world to know the harsh truth. I cannot sit back and pretend it's nothing important anymore. I was forced to shut up my whole childhood, and I'm tired of it.

Her Majesty and I got into the car safely. Despite the car driving at full speed, some journalists chased after the car. Her Majesty was unexpectedly quiet. I thought she would throw a tantrum and scream at me until her vocal cords broke, but she was not saying a word.

"I hope you are pleased with what you have done," Her Majesty said.

"I am," I replied.

Silence fell over us. Her Majesty ignores me, pretending I'm not sitting in front of her. Honestly, I would rather have her throw a tantrum at me instead of ignoring me. I don't want her to hold back her feelings like I have been forced to do.

I have been in Her Majesty's shoes and know what is going through her head right now. Her Majesty knows the truth and has known it for years. What I said during the press conference is the truth, and Her Majesty knows that, but she would never admit it herself. She knows her husband is a murderer.

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We arrived back at the Royal Castle. As expected, a new crowd of journalists with microphones and cameras have gathered outside. I had forgotten one very important detail of that press conference, it was broadcasting live.

Her Majesty and I got inside without bigger problems and zero answers for the journalist. Once the door was closed and we were left alone, Her Majesty walked up to one of our servants.

"Get that girl over to my office" Her Majesty ordered.

The servant nodded and walked away to get Mai. Her Majesty looked back at me with a blank facial expression until she walked away.

"Don't include Mai in this. She needs to stay out of our problems" I said.

"Our problem is also her problem" Her Majesty replied.

"I thought you liked Mai. You have told me that!" I questioned.

"I did like her until I met the older version of her. I could tolerate her as a child because she didn't cause any trouble, but then she grew up and became a copy of her father" Her Majesty responded.

Now it was my turn to throw a tantrum, but I chose to stay silent, just like Her Majesty did. Mai was already in the office when we arrived. Her Majesty walked past her as if she were an object. I ran up to Mai and hugged her. I have missed her so much.

"You two have a lot of explaining to do. I don't know what you two are planning to do, but whatever it is, you need to stop immediately. It's already gone too far, and it has barely even started" Her Majesty said as she sat down.

"Don't you understand what you have done, Riki?! You have created a national scandal-" She added.

"I have created a national scandal? My father was the one who created it! I am just the only one who has been brave enough to say it out loud" I responded.

"So what? Does that make the situation better for you? Are you a better person because you dare to speak up about it? Explain to me why it's so important to you to reveal information about a person who is dead" Her Majesty asked.

"Because His Majesty isn't the only one who is dead. Someone else died because of him. And that someone was an innocent person who had to suffer for a decade. And so did his daughter" I answered as I held Mai's hand.

"It doesn't matter who killed who and who suffered or not. What matters is that the monarchy might fall because of this. The monarchy was everything for your father. He was willing to do anything for it. And this is what you do after everything he has done for you?" Her Majesty questioned.

"Have you never asked yourself why I'm doing this? Why I'm suddenly speaking louder about sensitive topics? Because you and Father never let me do that when I was younger. The monarchy was everything for him. It was more important than his son" I said.

"Why should I sit during a press conference and praise my father who's been ignoring me my whole life? I have always thought that you have noticed and seen that. But it seems like you are just like him, prioritizing your job and image over your son's well-being" I added.

Her Majesty looked away. Once again, she knows I'm telling the truth but doesn't want to admit it. She doesn't want to acknowledge her mistakes.

"Unlike you and Father, Sato Mateo and Mai have been there for me. You raised me to hate them but I grew up loving them more than my family" I said.

Her Majesty was still looking away. I stayed for a few more seconds, waiting for her response, but she chose to remain silent. I held tighter in Mai's hand and walked out. I smashed the door behind me and walked with quick steps.

I suddenly stopped walking to stare at the floor. Mai wrapped her arms around me as if she knew all I needed was a hug. Tears started to run down my face as I pulled Mai closer. I don't know why I'm crying. But I'm glad I'm letting myself release them instead of holding them back as I usually do.

You don't always need a reason for your emotions. And your emotions are never less worthy due to whatever reason. In my case, I'm crying because I don't know what to do anymore. I thought doing this would be much easier. I also thought my mother would understand and accept.

I'm scared my mother will never understand and continue seeing me as a ruthless spoiled brat. We both have changed and neither of us likes the new version of the other.