COMING OF AGE | Nishimura Riki

029 | free but captivated

sato mai 
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Today is the day.

A day that is going to change my life forever, both negatively and positively. I have about a hundred concerns in my life, and at least 95 of them will be solved just by living with my Dad again.

It's been so many years of me living alone and adding another person into my daily life it's not going to be easy in the beginning. A lot of things are not going to be easy in the beginning. Even if I have already started to prepare myself, it's still not going to be enough preparation.

I wanted to announce the news to Ni-ki yesterday, but he disappeared before I could say a word about it. This must be one of very few occasions where I have been wanting to tell someone something. Especially with sensitive and personal information like this.

After my Dad got a set day for his discharge, anxious thoughts have been following me like a shadow. By announcing the news to Ni-ki, maybe it would feel better. It always does.

I have been standing outside the gate to Kesseki Prison for the past 15 minutes, impatiently waiting for my Dad. It seems like it will be a day of discharge since a lot of people have gathered around the gate to pick up their loved ones.

People have come and left. The ones that were here when I arrived have already left. Some arrived later than me and picked up their loved ones before me.

What if they have changed their minds?

I looked around me, seeing only new faces of hope and excitement. All the people who were here when I arrived have left, and new ones who came after me have also left. Has someone noticed I have been standing here for a while?

"Mai!"

My head followed the voice, seeing my Dad walking through the gate with a wide smile on his face. It's been at least a decade since he was this happy. Tears fell from my eyes as I ran up to him.

"I thought you wouldn't come" I said while sobbing through the words.

"But I'm here now" Dad replied as he wrapped his arms around me.

He really is here now. He is not temporarily here. The realization when you can acknowledge that fact. From now on, my Dad is here to stay. Realizing that is surreal and unbelievable.

"So, let's meet Mom" I said with a smile while I placed my hand on Dad's shoulder.

He smiled widely and nodded as a yes. When I turned around, I noticed a couple of stares at us. Surprisingly, the ones I saw were smiling at us. It may be because they were happy for us or if they were generally happy for reuniting with their loved ones.

"Do you want to walk, take the bus, or a taxi?" I asked.

"A walk would be nice. The nature in this area is beautiful, even making the prison look good" Dad answered.

⛅️

I can't even imagine what is going on inside my Dad's brain right now. I can't imagine what will go through his brain in the upcoming time.

I would lie if I said I'm not worried because I am worried. I'm worried about how the world is going to treat my Dad. People are going to expect the worst of him when all he wants is to do his best.

I'm worried that is going to lead him into the wrong path where there is no way out. Knowing there's a risk of that happening is freaking out.

The only solution to avoid it is forcing my Dad to stay at the hostel while I'm at school or the warehouse. However, that would give him another prison experience since I'm forcing him to stay locked out for civilization.

"Are you okay?" Dad suddenly asked me as we entered the hospital.

"Yes. I just zoned out" I answered with a smile to make sure Dad knew everything was fine.

Walking through the hospital halls reminds me of the upcoming bills. Lately, I have only been concerned about my Dad and how life is going to be for him, not realizing until now how expensive my breaths are going to be.

I can barely survive on my own, I have years of debt to the hospital, how am I supposed to pay for my Dad?

I have to go to school and graduate, or else I won't have a job in the future. The dream scenario would be Dad finding a job or me getting a better job. The real dream scenario is me quitting working for the drug industry.

We reached Mom's hospital room. I knocked on the door before I opened it and walked in. As usual, she was lying on her bed, looking at me with a sweet yet confused smile.

Dad walked up to her and sat down on a chair that was placed beside her bed. Mom still had her sweet yet confused smile on, but her eyes were shining. She held his hand and a tear fell from Dad's eyes.

"It feels like I have fallen head over heels for you again" Dad said.

The confusion had left Mom's face, now she is smiling from head to toe. I find it hard to believe Mom recognizes him since it's been almost a decade since they met, but I can tell she feels comfortable and safe around him.

Even if my parents have been forced to be separated for almost a decade without any chance for communication, their love is strong. This must be real love.