My beginning and the end (Completed)

Figmented illusions

Everything hurts, my body, my mind, my soul. My stomach definitely hurts. I still haven't eaten yet. I was back in bed again. The door was left wide open. I steadily walked to the kitchen and grabbed whatever looked edible in the fridge. I settled for leftover pasta. I also got some water. I ate the pasta slowly and gulped down water with each bite. I could feel every inch of my body aching for nourishment. This was the best I could get at the moment. I was as full as I could get after I finished.

I started looking around the cabin to see if Damien was there. He was gone. His car was still parked outside, though. I started looking for a way up, up to the loft. I wasn't even sure there was a loft.

I found a loft hatch. It was in Damiens' room. It had a latch that I pulled, and a ladder flew down, almost hitting me on the head. There wasn't any light up there, so I just hoped for the best.

I climbed up and tried to navigate in the dark for a light source. There was a hanging light bulb just above me. I turned it on and saw the loft was full of old boxes. My eyes were set on one box in particular. I felt drawn to it for some reason. I crawled over to it. It was dusty, but I could still tell It was marked by date. Summer of '63. I opened the box and found a few old clothes. Buried beneath them was a birdhouse. I lifted it up and examined it. Underneath it was a signature. -Love Sandra. Sandra? Who could that be I wondered. As i looked around me, I saw all of the boxes were marked with dates from different years and decades.

I saw another box. It had my year of birth. I was about to go over to it to look what was in it when I heard creaking behind me. I quickly turned around and saw Damien standing on top of the ladder. "Snooping around now, are you?" He asked. "I was just -"
I didn't know what to really answer him. "Get down here, I got something to show you." He said as he was climbing down the ladder. I followed him down, and he closed the loft hatch back up.

He told me he left it in the living room. I walked out towards the living room hesitating for a moment, as I saw a big box on the coffee table in the living room. I walked over to it. It was a plain white box. Damien stood on the opposite end, excited to see me open it. I opened the box and moved away some tissue paper. I froze as I saw the dress.

I never got a wedding dress when we previously got married because the wedding was so rushed. I guess he wanted to make up for it. I couldn't move it, I didn't dare touch it either. I looked back up at Damien in shock. He was smiling from ear to ear. He told me to try it on and see if it would fit. I still wasn't sure what to think of it. It looked beautiful in the box already, but I didn't want him to get the idea that we were to be wed.

He hurried me to try it on. I took the dress out of the box and went back into the other room. I closed the door and sobbed quietly for a moment. I took another good look at the dress. Lacing details and embroidery covering the torso. It looked like an older style of wedding gowns, but still just as, if not more beautiful than all the other gowns I had seen. I put it on slowly and carefully. I remembered there was a mirror on the closet door inside. I opened it and hesitated to take a look.

I was beautiful, the dress was breathtaking. I twirled around, feeling like a princess. Damien knocked on the door and asked if I was finished. I didn't answer, but either way, it didn't matter as he opened the door. I could see his jaw drop. He stood there frozen in the doorway. He looked me up and down, analyzing the dress on me. I did a little twirl again. I couldn't help but smile. I felt so pretty.

He walked over to me, and we embraced. I rested my head on him as we started swaying side to side, and then we were slowly dancing. There was no music, but I could hear the symphony playing. I could see the ballroom. People gathered around us, watching us. We danced under the moonlight.
Then the music faded into silence, and the people disappeared one by one. The light faded into darkness, and we were no longer in a ballroom. We were back in the cabin, dancing in the living room.

We stopped swaying, and I looked back up at him. He had teared up, but he kept smiling. He took my hand and slid the wedding band on my ring finger. I wasn't sure how to react anymore. He thought I was his, and he was mine. I was pulled back into reality. This delusion of joy we are living. If we kept going, ignoring the past in favor of recreating what used to be, we would only become unhappier. It would never be the same, especially now.

I was a hostage, not a bride. I backed away from him. I had to stop living in his fantasy. I felt fear swallowing me as I realized that this meant forever if I were to wed to him. He took everything from me. I'm isolated in the middle of nowhere with no one but him. I have no way of having contact with the outside world. Why would I marry him after what he did.

I stared down at the ring on my finger. It became more unfamiliar the more that I looked at it, like it was warping around my finger. It became a snake eating the end of it's own tail.

He took my hand and asked me the second time. "Will you marry me. We can be happy again with each other." He smiled. I took my hand from his. "I can't, Damien. You know I can't." I started thinking about what my life used to be before he took me away the second time. I missed my Enzo. "I have to tell you something. Something you never knew."

I told him to sit down on the couch, which he did. I sat beside him and told him how it wasn't me that died in that fire. How I utilized the opportunity for a new beginning and found my freedom. "I was never in that fire." He looked at me astounded. He looked down at his hands and then rested his head down in them. I wasn't sure if he would now finally understand or if he would become angry and lock me up forever. I would never see the glistening of the moonlight again, not even in his charming blue eyes. I would only sink to the bottom of the lake where he should have let me be. I would never have the chance to be greeted by a wobbly happy little Enzo. I would never have my friends over again eating pizza on the floor in my unfurnished apartment. I would never find my freedom again.

Evelyn died the day of the fire. Another person was reborn in her place. I became a new woman. A woman with freedom. I wasn't bound down to anyone or anything anymore. Sure, society would call me a spinster and judge me for being an unmarried woman. Throughout all decades. I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire existence. It was difficult, but I persevered. There were many times I doubted myself and contemplated giving up. In the end, I never regretted leaving. I lost myself when I died in that fire. But that didn't mean I didn't regrow and change. I moved on. I made mistakes and then made more of them, until finally I realized it was ok to let go.

I'm not going to settle for this again. I have much yet left to do. I have so much more to discover and so many more people to meet. The life he wants is not mine, or even ours. It's a fantasy of what he thought he had. I'm being anchored down unwillingly. I want him to let go now. He'll be okay without me if he would let go.

I stood up. I didn't want to look at him anymore. It hurt too much. I understood some what how he was feeling. I could sympathize with him, but not enough to stay. I wouldn't put him before me. I have to put myself first. I walked back into the room and took off the wedding dress, and laid it neatly on the bed. I put on my previous clothes and went back out and took my shoes and went out to the porch. I put on my shoes and took one look back at him. He wasn't on the couch, I couldn't see him anymore. I looked down the road and started walking. I didn't intend on stopping this time.

I kept walking. I took the first left again. Then I took a left turn for a second time. I walked for probably an hour just trying to navigate this long and narrow road. The forest started getting more dispers and open. I thought I would be close to a cement road. It seemed never-ending. I started hearing something, it was coming from every direction. I looked around, confused as to where the sound was coming from. I couldn't clearly make out what the noise was. I didn't want to find out what it could be. I didn't want to stop or be stopped, so I started running.

Finally, I saw hope. I saw the cement road merge with the gravel road. I took the first step onto the new road. Like a feather, I felt nothing weighing me down anymore. My feeling of euphoria was quickly interrupted.
I felt hands on my shoulders, stopping me from walking away. He turned me around and grabbed my hand. He started dragging me back. I fought him this time. I had gotten this far, and it was too late for me to give up now. I had to get away. He didn't let go, no matter how much I fought and struggled. He had such a firm grip on me. It hurt.