»Looking Out for You« Shinkami

Letting go and being vulnerable

Hitoshi's eyes snapped opened, though his vision swayed like the earth was on a swing, slowly swinging back in fourth that it felt as though his vision were taunting him. Testing him. 

From what he could tell, he was back in Denki's bedroom, which caused a pang of relief to settle him in the slightest of way. It was now that he realized that he was on the cold, fake wooden flooring that was in every dorm room. He tried lifting himself up with his arms, but his arms shook and strained.

He heard nothing else but his rapid breathing and the sound of his heartbeat that was thumping against his chest. His eyes remained unfocused and glazed over as he tried to focus on something, in hopes that it would help his swaying vision. 

"Shit." He muttered, though his words were just a waste of air for his lungs, making his arms give out and cause him to slam his head onto the hard flooring. He felt so, so tired, his back and wings were sore, and he just had to check on Denki. Make sure he was ok. Make sure no one hurt him. He had to.

With a long, deep breath, he tried once more to get on his feet, but his muscles were shaky while his eyes threatened to just close shut, though he fought the urge, forcing his tired eyes open as he made it onto his knees. He was getting somewhere.

Never in his life would he think it would be such a struggle to stand. Move for all that matter. His head throbbed and his heartbeat only made it worse. 

He heaved and struggled to breath with every movement he took. His eyes searched around the familiar room frantically, trying to find the blond his heart longed for. Though his frantic looking didn't do so well with how his vision was still swaying, but he either got used to it by now or the swaying was coming to a very slow stop.

Putting his knee up so he could get ready to stand, he was now in a kneeling position, hands on his lifted knee as his eyes finally caught the sleeping blond. He better be alive. If he wasn't, Hitoshi might as well lose all sense of his brain and go to Lois, personally, just to attack and even if he lost the fight, he could be so lucky to die just to drag Lois with him.

Eyebrows furrowed, he pushed himself up so his feet were on the ground, though he felt his body sway with his vision, making him stumble multiple times.

It was as if he were in a boat in the ocean that held many creatures some humans didn't even know existed in the waves that made the water swish, making the boat sway like his vision. He tried taking a step, but his footing was wrong which caused him to stumble once more, making him hit into the blonds desk. He heard items that were once on the desk fall and probably make a mess somewhere upon the floor Hitoshi once laid.

Each step turned into a stumble, as some stumbles caused items to fall for move from their places, creating a mess no doubt. Hitoshi cursed under his breath, though he couldn't recognize his voice. Though it sounded similar to his own, the exhausted, breathiness of it was almost unrecognizable to him.

He was surprised Denki didn't wake from the ruckus he was causing, though he was surprised no one at all woke up to the noises and went over to go see why 'Denki' was causing such a clatter of noises.

it was good that Denki hadn't woken up. If he did, he might have screamed. Hitoshi loomed over the blond, similar to a horror film. The aforementioned blond was still unaware of the awake world as he slept soundly. Oblivious.

Hitoshi's knees ached and threatened to give out, though Hitoshi didn't wish to suddenly push all his weight on Denki's bed, possibly even squishing him if he wasn't careful with where he landed.

With his vision starting to sway with every movement, he took advantage of that moment to carefully slid into the bed where Denki slept so peacefully. He was lost in a dream, or even just welcomed by total darkness of sleep that consumed his sight and hearing till his eyes would open in the morning.

Hitoshi couldn't think of his actions, he couldn't think of what just happened, and he could barley think about the way he carefully pulled the sleeping blond into his arms, ignoring the ache in his wings as he wrapped them around the sleeping boy like an extra set of arms.

He laid with the blond who wasn't aware of his current presence, though Denki stirred in his sleep, only to get more comfortable in his arms. 

Hitoshi didn't dare move their position he caused them to be in. Both laying down while Hitoshi held the blond like he hasn't seen him in ages. There was a slight shake of Hitoshi's muscles when he tried to move anyway, so he used that as an excuse to himself for the time being. He placed his chin atop of Denki's head, feeling the soft, golden, blond hair.

Hitoshi was never one to be good with his emotions. He blocked them. He ignored them. He pushed them away. It's what felt normal. Familiar, to him. 

He didn't like feeling at times. He felt too much. Maybe that was why he tried to push his feelings for Denki so far away. He felt too much for him. He felt wanted, sad, irritated, happy, worried, and unfortunately, love. 

Though, all this time of pushing and forcing his own emotions away, he was breaking. The wall he created to keep his mind on one goal was breaking slowly as time went by, and it was now that Hitoshi realized it the most it seemed. The situation felt familiar. Like a memory that was lost a long time ago. A memory that couldn't come clear.

 It was silent in the now messy room. Pencils, papers, and what Hitoshi assumed was more, though his back faced it all while Denki was blocked from seeing the mess he had caused. He didn't want to tell Denki what happened, but a part of him longed for him to tell somebody. Anybody.

In a way, Hitoshi was stuck in his own mind, his own thoughts. His lips trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut while he arms and wings wrapped tighter around the human that felt like home. The human that made him feel like he wasn't just a guardian angel, but he made him feel human in a way.

The realization caused tears to pour from his eyes, probably making Denki's hair get slightly wet by the salt water that was known as tears. He let himself free, he let himself cry, he let himself feel the two emotions he hated. Sadness, and fear.

It should be simple knowledge. You push something away, it'll find its way back to you like two magnets that were once together, now forced to be pulled apart until one found it's way to connect to the other.

For once, Hitoshi didn't try to force the feelings away. He let his heart fawn, he let his eyes cry, and he let himself be afraid. He was afraid of what was to happen, to not just him, but to the blond that was being held in his arms. He was afraid if he let go him, he'd fade away.

And maybe now, the protector didn't wish to protect. 

He wished to be protected.