Delicate || Emily Prentiss

Chapter 5

I was going call Emily and schedule a meet up so we could talk privately, but overthinking got the best of me. I was so caught up with making scenarios of what I am going to say that I never tapped that damn call button. Time flew by very fast and it is currently midnight.

I shouldn't call her this late, right? She is probably sleeping. On the other hand, I won't be able to sleep until I figure out what I am going to say. Say the truth, my inner voice tells me. But what is even the truth?

I have no idea what I am feeling. Like, I enjoy being around her and I do think about her sometimes. I have felt this way before but never about another girl and never so intense. I've always been straight. I mean I'm pretty sure I'm straight.

I was in highschool when my first boyfriend kissed me for the first time, and I didn't imagine he was a girl while it was happening. He was in the football team and he was prom king. I remember that he had the cutest smile and that his blonde hair -even though short- was soft.

From then on, I went with guys. I find women beautiful but never to a point that it would make me question my sexuality. I have never reacted to a cleavage the way I did when Emily walked into work in a black V-neck under her blazer. I even imagined how her tits would feel if she was pushed up against me again. Now I sound like I guy.

Then again, when I watch porn I look at the woman's responses. The tension in her face. Her moans. Her shaking limps. I almost get off when they are realistic. I thought watching her was normal, because the guys there don't show much anyway. Is it not normal?

Maybe I am not as straight as I originally thought. Maybe I am bisexual. I mean that B in LGBTQ+ is there for a reason, not just a fantasy.

However, I don't have to put a label on it just yet. All these feelings and urges are new to me. Maybe they'll pass. The one thing I'm sure of is that I am not ready to date at the moment. That is the truth.

That is what I have to say to Emily, and definitely not make her feel that it is because of her. I'm always the faulty one anyway.

I grab my phone from the nightstand besides me and without overthinking it, I text her. I suggest to pick her up tomorrow morning and grab some coffee on our way to work. Then I turn the screen off and put it down. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

•••

In the morning, my alarm goes off, but I turn it off without checking my phone. I get up, and go on with my morning routine, purposefully avoiding to check my messages. But after getting dressed, I find nothing more to do in order to stall.

So, I finally grab my phone when I get to the door. I see that Emily had texted me back only a few minutes after I did last night, agreeing to my proposal. I swallow the lumb in my throat and I leave my apartment.

I drive to her place and park outside her building. The passenger door opens and almost immediately, waves of warmth and chills start from my chest and travel all over my body.

"Good morning" I say, cheerful as Emily sits in the seat besides me

"Good morning. How are you?"

"Great. Where are we headed?" I wonder

"Sunny's?" she suggests

"Sure" I answer and start the car.

"How did Peanut's vet appointment go?" she asks

"It went good. He is all clean, and not going to be a father. But he has to stay there for a couple of days for observation" I explain

"You think you'll be back from the case by then"

"If I'm not, Carrie will pick him up"

"Right".

Silence takes over for a moment. I clear my throat "Emily, I am sorry for yesterday" I say while keeping my eyes on the road

"For what?" she asks

"Avoiding you. It was for a very stupid reason. It's just that my mind has this tendency to make things bigger than they actually are"

"You are talking about the phonecall..."

"Yes"

"Nat, it's completely fine. I didn't mean to say that part like that. It sounded more targeted than I wanted to. I'm sorry if I scared you"

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the problem. I have to figure out what I want before I take any new steps" I explain.

"Alright"

"Thank you. I really like hanging out with you and I don't want to mess it up because of some misunderstanding"

"I get it, Nat. It's ok. And besides, I noticed you like someone else"

"I do?"

"The way you freaked out about Hotch yesterday--"

"Oh, no. No, I didn't freak out because of him. I was freaking out because of you" I admit

"You were?" she smiles

"Yes" I answer, blushing.

"Ok, now I'm curious. Why you were nervous?" she pushes

"God... I shouldn't have told you"

"No, please, keep talking"

"Maybe another time" I reply as we arrive at Sunny's.

"I feel flattered either way" she says as she gets out of the car and follows me inside

"Of course you do" I chuckle.

We grab breakfast, coffee and we return to the car. I drive us to the bureau and park in my spot in the garage. We have some time, so we decide to stay in the car and eat quietly before going in. That's when it hits me, how many times we have done that even in front of the others and how many of these interactions of just the two of us could have been interpreted as something more. That is probably why Hotch knew exactly who I was talking about yesterday. Either way, I'm glad we resolved this and we are back to normal.

Walking in the bullpen with Emily, we notice everyone walking to the conference room already so we follow them without stopping by our desks. At the same time, Hotch walks out of his office.

I let Emily get a couple steps ahead of me, so I can steal a few seconds with Hotch. "Everything went ok?" he asks as he catches up with me

"Yes, thank you" I reply

"I didn't do anything" he insists as we walk in the room. "Let's get started" he says to everyone

I smile slightly as I walk away from him and take my seat. Emily hands me a file as Penelope starts the presentation.