Free to be

26

10 days later and I wake up screaming once more. My parents are there in a heart beat. I arrived home 7 days ago but the recovery has not been as easy as I anticipated. I spend the day lying around and the night tossing and turning with nightmares. I had to speak with the police yesterday, we went through all the evidence and the pictures that were taken of me when I arrived at the hospital and at the scene. It was the hardest few.hours I have ever had.

"Why don't I bring you some tea and you can come sleep in our bed." Dad says as mom nods in agreement. They are both exhausted. I see it in the Grey shadows under their eyes. I climb in next to my mom and my dad leaves to make tea he will collapse in the spare room tonight as I take his place.

My mom whispers soothing things in my hair.

I sip the tea "I am sorry, I-I dont mean it to happen."

"I know love," she takes the tea from my hands "rest now."

I sleep till I am woken by my mom getting ready for the day.

"I think you should see the doctor." She says coming to sit next to me, I can hear.Lizzy getting ready for school and Jenny in the bathroom.

"I have a check up in two days." I remind her pulling the duvet closer.

"I mean a therapist."

She gets up walking towards the bathroom and I sit up as well, so I can see her brushing her teeth. I calm down. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to but you can't stay home forever Tori, " she appears again and I notice her more dressed than usual look.

"Where are you going?" She eyes me as if confirming her Previous statement. The worry in my voice is enough to show the anxiety.

"We are going to the shops. "

I start shaking my head but she fixes me with a look. "Tori, the doctor has cleared you for slight activity, you can't stay home, I need to do some grocery shopping and since you don't want to be left alone...well you will come with me."

"Can't we order it?" I plead as one Last attempt to determine the trip but she isn't having it. Making me go get dressed.

I still have bruises covering most of my body and while my nose and eye is blue and yellow most of them are coverable.

I even attempt some makeup but I am useless at it. To the point where Jenny hears my frustration as my casted arm is useless and comes in gentle aid.

In the end...in baggy clothes I look presentable.

"Mom said the doctor cleare you for school." Jenny says placing down the makeup and looks at me, searching. "The basketball team lost their last game."
I hang my head my ribs aching.

"I don't think I am strong enough."

Her hands falls on my arm and I look up to see her eyes, gentle and kind.

" You are one of the strongest person I know. " I shake my head, tears gathering in my eyes.

"It took one incident and I crumbled. I am weak."

She is silent as we listen to lizzy singing in the bathroom next door. No doubt mom doing her hair.

"You just have to follow Anna's advice."

"Anna?"

" from frozen." She grins "Lizzy has made me watch it over and over the last few days." She rolls her eyes " the point is - all you have to.do is the next right thing. Kind of one step at a time analogy."

I nod thinking her words over. That seems doable. One step. Go to the shops with my mom. I can mange that.

----------

" can I sit for a second?" I ask my mom after an hour of shopping. My body is aching and I am exhausted.

"Why don't we go in here for coffee." She nods to the side shop attached.ti the grocery store. I nod in agreement and she leads us inside. I gratefully take a seat as the waiter comes over.

"Two Cappachinos and two brownies, please." The waiter nods walking off. I sigh, resting my head on the table.

"I feel so weak!"

"Your body is still recovering be gentle with yourself!" My mom says reaching to pat my shoulder.

"We still need to get the meat for the week, the bread and then head to the laundry place . "

"Can't we go home?"

Before she can reply another voice joins the conversation. "Tori! Samantha!" I lift my head as Mrs Rose comes forward. Face filled with worry and relief.

"Rose," my mom smiles standing up to greet him with a hug. Since when are they such fast friends. "What are the chances of running into you here."

"I was just doing my weekly shop!"I eye my mother suspiciously but it passes when she seems happily surprised. Mrs Rose turns to me "oh Tori! " she moves to kneel in from of me taking my hands "I am so glad that you arr okay, I -we have been so worried and Parkers parents well-" she pauses tears springing to her eyes as she lifts a hand to her mouth "I am so sorry!"

"It's not your fault." I say knowing that for sure. The Roses are not to blame.

"Sienna has been so worried. I have never seen her so distressed when you were in hospital." I eye the ground. Swallowing at her name. The ache to see her is so strong and yet I am not sure it's a good idea. My heart seems to lead me in different directions to sense and reason. To all that I have worked for. My future is at risk. I don't want to go to school never mind co tin basketball.

I feel as if I don't know myself. How can I like someone. Especially someone has complicated as Sienna when I am not even sure of her likes or thoughts. If she even tolerates me as a friend.

"She wanted to visit but I convinced her you needed rest." Her eyes and words so so genuine.

"Of course she blames herself. I can't believe her father and I didn't see the true Parker soon enough!"

Her words strike a cord and my own eyes fill with tears. That is all I seen to be doing lately. My eyes have still not recovered and my mom's seeing the signs busts in.

"All we can do is heal now,we have a long journey ey ahead of us. Both the girls." Mrs Rose nods. They chat for a bit . Promising to see each other before she leaves.

"Why don't you want to see sienna?" Mom asks after a silent coffee and brownie eating.

"I don't want to see anyone." I
Say fiddling with the dregs of coffee left in my cup. Trying to convince her and myself.

"Tori, I want to help you but you have to let me."

"I don't know how," I glance up staring at her with teary eyes " The last thing he said to me is that if those people weren't there he would have killed me." She flinched at that. This is the first time I am saying what he said. She looks horrified and I nod hanging my head "I wake up with his words in my brain and sleep with his taunts in my brain. I don't know how to change that. "

"I think you need to see a therapist." Mom insists and I nod because maybe I do need that. Maybe that will kep sort all the thought in my head. The tears that gather in my mom's eyes and I see her hurting and I know that if I talk to someone I can ease her pain a little. Maybe this is another step I can take.