Free to be

1

Forever was a long time to be with someone, the rest of your life. A life sentence. I watched as Ethel and Bernard smiled at each other, saying vows that I am sure they mean in the moment. It is easy to be in love for a while but your whole life is an extreme commitment. One I can't see myself ever making.  I turn, preventing myself from rolling my eyes in front of a passing camera, when I spot my sisters and mother crying. You would think this is the first wedding we have been to since the beginning of the summer. It is definitely not. With our huge family and the amount of friends my parents seem to have there is a never ending list of events to attend. I have personally been to three since June. My skin itches under the sun in this uncomfortable dress I was forced to wear, I want nothing more than to be on the court with my friends, practicing for senior year. 

"Stop scratching." My mom hisses behind her wet tissue. So much for spending hours on makeup. Sometimes I feel like an alien in my own house. My mom had four girls and I am the only one that seems to not get the importance of spraying myself to smell like a flower and book nail appointments every time my nails grow. I like to joke I am the one boy in the family but my mother does not think it is very funny. Tells me that she is proud of her four daughters  and that people will think she is abusing me if I go around telling them I am a boy when it is obvious I am not. I do it as a joke but like everything else no one gets my sense of humor. Now that Ethel is getting hitched I am the oldest in the house and I will officially not be sharing a room anymore. I am happy that I can get rid of the ridiculous cat posters and mini models. Finally I can have  a room that I want.  Another twenty minutes later and everyone is sniffing. I am just relieved that the whole stifling ceremony is over that I throw the flower confetti with enthusiasm. Happy when I seem to get the most on the happy couple. I hope one of them sniffed it up. Ethel has been collecting rose petals for years and I hated it, I would open a container thinking it was chocolate only to be ambushed by rose petals. I happily throw the remaining evidence of such betrayal in the air.

The party afterwards is better, there are fizzy drinks and everyone is dancing and eating. I fit right into the scene by chugging fizzy drinks and dancing with Lizzy, who is only 8 and loves dancing in her flower girl dress which even I can tell is cute. Besides when she turns it flows out and spreads around her with a rush of glitter and shine. Her gap tooth smile is contagious as we bounce and spin more enthusiastically than anyone else and if mom wasn't fussing over Ethel I am sure she would disapprove and tell me to stop spinning her around so much. 

"I am a princess!" She yells over the music as I spin her some more, laughing as I pull her towards me and pick her up so we can spin faster. It is only later that I really approach Ethel and Bernard to give them the obligatory congratulations. They are all love hearted eyes at each other. 

"Congratulations on your life sentence." I tease the couple who regard me with amused eyes. 

"One day someone is going to catch your eye and you will have to bite your tongue." Ethel smiles at me, standing up and pulling me into a hug. Despite the fact that we are all so different we get along, she is the mentor to my often crazy mind. 

"I would not set my sites on anyone who would make me hold my tongue." Bernard chuckles, moving over to give me his own tight squeeze. " How long are you guys going away again?"

"Three weeks." I groan, how am I going to survive three weeks without Ethel as a parents buffer. "You will be fine, just make sure you put our alarm on to wake up up twice." Ethel warns and I nod listening to her advice. "And when school starts remember that you have to give Jenny her money right before lunch or she will loose it."

"I will, I can handle that." I have been for a year now but not without Ethel reminding me every day. Not without Ethel waking me up with a smile. Suddenly as I realize what her being married means my chest squeezes and suddenly my throat feels very thick. As if sensing my discomfort Ethel places her hands on my cheeks looking me deep in the eyes. Her eyes are grey a little like mine, except mine change between grey and green depending on my mood. 

"Tori, you will be fine, breath, when I am back I will live so close by that you will get tired of seeing my face." I smile, swallowing the lump but unable to utter a word to my big sister who has been there every step of the way. " You are the big sister now." Her words hold finality as I bury my face into her shoulder and squeeze her tight. I let myself have a moment before pulling away and squaring my shoulders. I nod at her and she returns the gesture, understanding more than she says. Today marks the start of a new era. 

There are now only five of us at home and I am the big sister. The thought is daunting. To make matters worse I am going into senior year and then my big wide future awaits. A looming decision that needs to be made. I watch as they are sent off in the stretch limo, waving with my chest in my stomach, wishing I could pull the car back, demand that I get one more day with Ethel's soft snores in the bed over. That I get one more fight over putting the laundry in the basket. I want to pull her back so we can pause and go back but watching the back of the car I realize that nothing like that can happen. Everyone goes back to the party and I am left standing in the dust, wondering if they will miss their old lives or if this new adventure seems almost more exciting. 

Turning I walk, died sparkler hanging in my hands as I wrap my arms around myself, the cool breeze indicating Summer will soon be over and with it all that I have known will be different. Here's to new beginnings.