Free to be

25

I wake with another 12 hours of sleep, my mom is asleep on the chair next to my bed and I leave her be, trying to smile at the nurse that appears to check my vitals. 

"You are going to heal." She says gently patting my hand. "It will take time but you will heal."

I watch her leave, a heavy feeling settling over my body as I lean against the bed. Not only does my whole body ache but my heart is heavy, feeling the blow of each fist fall like a memory of pain that lives in my heart. I hate that I flinch at a loud nose that filters through the hospital.  

I can still feel the cold gravel against my back and the words that I didn't hear then come filtering back. I know I did the right thing to help Sienna but in the same breath I regret getting involved. I never wanted this, not for anyone and I seem to bare the brunt of his rage. The thought of her shite at the party, after everything and she just tossed me aside when she felt like it. 

"Your friends have visited everyday." my moms voice filters through my consciousness. as I turn to face her. Relieved to see her and feel her warmth next to me, I do not want her to leave me.

"Please do not leave me." I whisper, my voice hoarse and broken.  My mom frowns, reaching and grasping my hand. She squeezes as I repeat my words and tears fill her eyes. 

"Oh baby." She whispers against my hair, kissing my swollen forehead. "You are going to be okay." I shake my head as tears start falling against my cheeks, I won't be okay, the pain will never leave. The memories won't either. 

"I don't want to go back to school, I want to stay at home, with you." I whisper as she crawls in next to me and cuddles close, I breath in her scent, it is all her and it is wonderful. Calming. 

"You will miss your friends, your basketball." I shake my head, burring my face further into her body, wishing to be one with her. I am not sure how long we stay there, with her whispering words of love and encouragement in my hair. I cry and she strokes away my tears. I feel helpless and lonely. 

Eventually I fall asleep again and when I wake up she is asleep next to me, my father is in the room as well as Ethel. My cheeks still stained with tears. 

"At least you are both getting some rest." Dad says softly kissing both our heads as Ethel grasps my hand. 

"What is going to happen to him?" I ask my father before I can stop myself. He will take care of it. 

His face darkens as Ethels hands tighten. 

"He is locked up," His words are gritted out "And there he will stay."  

"Tori, the police want to talk to you." Ethel says softly frowning when I shake my head and bury my face into the pillow. "You need to tell them what happened, so that the court can prosecute him to the fullest extent."

"I can't do that." I say shaking my head hating how weak my voice sounds, I am used to feeling powerful, right now I feel defeated and useless. "I thought you said there were cameras."

"Yes but-"

"- Ethel I do not think she is ready." Moms voice is soft besides me. "Tori needs rest." Ethel nods, seeming to understand moms words better than my own. 

"Danna, Erin and Jackson are waiting for you."Dad pauses glancing towards the door. "Also The Roses are outside."

The Roses? What are they doing here? 

Dad pauses, seeming to take huge effort to say his next words "Mr Rose explained- explained how they know Parker." His eyes glint in anger " The boy deserves to rot in jail." 

I do not deny that but I can't talk about the Rose's without talking about Sienna and I don't want to do that. 

There is a knock on the door and Danna pokes his head around. "I know you said we should wait but I just couldn't." 

He is followed into the room by Erin and Jackson. They crowd my bedside and I try put on a brave face for them but it comes crumbling into crocodile tears as soon as he reaches for my hand. 

"We should have been there to protect you!" Jackson says annoyed at himself I am assuming.  "We were right inside, we should have been there!"

"You can't blame yourself son." My dad says clapping his back in a friendly gesture. "It seems he was waiting outside for over an hour for an opportunity." I can't tell if Jackson is comforted by his words but he doesn't say anything further. 

"Visiting time is over!" One of the stricter and elder nurses comes into the room, eyeing the gathering of people "You re not allowed this many visitors and family only." 

"Sorry Nurse." Dad says as my friends reach over to squeeze my hand and say goodbye, stating that they will be back as soon as they can. 

The nurse checks my vitals and leaves. The room is silent until my dad speaks up again.

"I know the nurse said visiting hours are over but I am sure I can sneak the Roses in or at least Sienna in if you wish to see her as well."

I shake my head, turning to face the window "I am tired."

"Okay honey, we will be back to visit tomorrow then." I turn to them, eyes wide, the fear gripping my body at being left alone in the  hospital. 

"You can't leave!!" I shout, my voice coming out panicked, I do not want to be alone. "Mom you have to stay!"

"I am not really allowed to spend the night honey." She says looking like she regrets her words and I shake my head, tears falling once more down my face. 

"Please do not leave me." I whisper clutching the sheets to my chest and trying desperately to be brave and ward off the growing anxiety within me. 

My parents share a look and my dad nods "I will go and find someone to talk to."He leaves the room and my mom comes to sit down my my bedside. 

"Honey you are safe here." I shake my head. Unable to talk because I know I will start crying again. 

"Bernard is waiting for me, but I will come visit again tomorrow." Ethel says like she doesn't want to leave but I know she has to, she has her own life now.  She kisses my forehead before leaving the room. 

I am tense until my dad comes back, saying he has arranged it and they will bring an extra cot in here for my mother to sleep on. Once more I am crying, this time in relief as another nurse comes in to give me some sleeping medication. Knowing my mom will be by myside the whole night I drift off once more.