Free to be

7

Saturday Detention is honestly invented by the devil. I sit in the library with ten other prisoners. Bored out of our mind. We are supposed to be organizing the book in the library but honestly I do not see anyone making the effort to. Particularly not the newest and latest addition to the detention room. I am surprised to see that she is subjected to our mere mortals punishments but I suppose even she can't escape the rules of highschool hell.

"Stop staring at me." She hisses eye balling me in her side profile. No one else is paying us much attention. Jenny is chatting happily to one of her friends as they sit in the corner stamping books with barcodes. I am sitting on the floor pretending to check that all the books are in the right place but really I am secretly reading the comic books and scoffing at the rude graphics that have been scribbled over some of the drawings. She is scrolling through her phone on the floor next to me, as if by some divine trick of fate her phone rings as I am watching her go through the national cheerleading page. Parker's name appears over her screen. She tense, but I think it is because she knows I am watching her.

"Shit." She mutters under her breath quickly turning her phone to silent and ignoring the call "He knows I am in detention." Her eyes scan for the teacher on duty but I think she left a while ago, muttering something about getting a jacket from her car. It is exceptionally cold in here and I do not think they wanted to waste money  heating the school on a weekend, but she hasn't come back and it has been over half an hour so I suppose she parked her car in another state.

"Why is he calling you then? " I ask before I can stop myself "Does he want to get you into more trouble?"

"Tori." Her voice is filled with warning as she glares at me, pulling out her phone and quickly typing something in before placing it in her pocket and sighing at the ceiling "You need to stop this, getting involved." It almost sounds like a plea but it comes out harsh and cold.

"What has he got on you?"

"What?"

"Why would you be dating him if he doesn't have something on you, what is it?"

She eyes me and I wait because she doesn't seem to stoic now that she is not surrounded by her posse. Her eyes examine me like an x ray and I let her. Wondering what she sees, what she is thinking. "It doesn't matter." I sigh, I was hoping she would open up but really who was I kidding.

"It does matter," I insist, keeping my voice quiet as I realize our conversation is drawing curious eyes from the others. "You can't let someone bully you into being with them!"

"Shut up." She stands then and moves off, taking another section of the library, I am stopped from following when the teacher arrives back, steaming coffee in hand, I guess she went the extra mile and got a hot drink as well. She glares at everyone before taking a seat at a desk and pulling out her phone. I wonder which short straw she drew for having to be here on a weekend.

Jenny and I decide to donuts after a long and tedious detention. Sienna stayed clear of me the rest of the day and avoided all eye contact.

"Isn't that that Seniors car from last year?" Jenny asks as we head towards our car. I turn, spotting Parkers car almost immediately. It is an eye sore. A bright yellow hummer. A douchy car for a douchebag. I watch as Sienna walks out and moves towards the car, her head held high and her shoulders squared. I do not know if the performance is for the bystanders or for herself.

"Yeah," I sigh, running a hand through my hair. Stopping myself from pulling the finger at Parker when see his eyes glance our way. I do not want to cause her further pain at the hands of him. This feeling of helplessness is horrible. "Lets go and get donuts." We head to my car and I let her blast her music. Anything to drown out the voices fighting in my head.

Sunday seems to drag on as I worry about Sienna Rose, if she is okay, The incessant need to know as me logging once more into Jenny's account and checkering all her latest posts. I see a picture of her walking her dog in the park and I smile. I can't see any evidence that Parker is with her. In fact is actually looks ideal with all the trees behind her in their various states of Autumn and her golden retriever suits her. I can see the dog is well taken care of and somehow I think that Sienna herself is responsible for it.

II scroll through her photo histories and see various pictures of her with the cheer team, at a dance competition. Looking into a mirror as she applies makeup. The last post she has of her and Parker was posted almost a year ago and I frown once more, they look like the ideal couple, both good looking and popular. Parker is smirking at the camera and Sienna is kissing his cheek so you can only see half her face. My stomach drops when I see the bright red heart in the caption. She loves him. The taught sends more confusing feelings wrecking havoc in my brain. Before I can truly go full FBI on the internet Jenny bursts into my room, waving her phone in her hand.

"Stop logging onto my account!" I was hoping she was still helping mom outside with her vegetable patch, both my mother and Jenny love gardening, anything outside really. "Why don't you just get your own account?" I shake my head, I have made that mistake before and I become a walking social media zombie. When someone left a negative comment about my hair I spent a week over analyzing it and it almost killed me. She looks over my shoulder before I can close the page and her eyes furrow "Why are you stalking Sienna Rose?"

"Just curious." There is a pause and I sigh, I can tell she does not believe me. She sits gently on my bed and stares at me with her huge soulful eyes.

"Tori, I know," She pauses shuffling a little to get a better seat on my bed "I know that Ethel isn't here and you usually talk to her, she ahs great advice, but I am here if you want to talk to me, I can try channel my inner Ethel."

I look at my sister then, really look. She is so strong and yet she is just fifteen, she forgets to take her meds, she forgets she needs shoes when we go to the mall and often whether she brushed her teeth. Sometimes her anxiety is so much that she can't even leave the house and now she is here, asking for me to share the heavy loads she has noticed is sitting on my shoulders. She sits like she can cope with the demons in my head and in my heart. I know she is doing it to be a good sister, because she cares deeply but I am not sure she knows what she is asking for. To be let in to the circle of no return. Once you know there is no going back and right now I think it is better for her not to worry about my issues. My own battles.

"I know Jen," I say gently leaning towards her and giving her a squeeze, she smells like the garden and her usual vanilla wash she loves. Her room is filled with vanilla candles and sense packs. "I am just overloaded with senior work and missing Ethel."

"I miss her too." She whispers like it is something she is not supposed to feel, I reach over to unclasp her clenched hands she grins at me but it is full of an understanding, the missing. "She understood me, you know, she used to google things that helped me and now I have to do it."

I know she is not saying that I am not there to help her, sometimes when people are in pain you have to hear them and not immediately think you are the reason for it. Ethel had a special place in all our hearts and now, well it feels a little like a void without her.

"We can google things together." I promise her "I know sometimes I am grumpy or lost in my own head but you can come and ask me for help."

She grins shoving me a little "We are a pair, both wanting the other to lean on them but to proud to admit they need help." I burst out laughing in surprise at her introspections. Lizzy chooses that moment to waltz into the room, never far from the action, she twirls in her bright pink dress and giggles.

"Lets play hide and seek!" With one glance both Jenny and I know we will be playing hide and seek until dinner time and I can't find myself caring, happy for the distraction.