A Cutter's Lullaby (Chris Motionless Story)

Chapter 1

Before I begin this story I would like to say that there are many triggers and mildly disturbing things, so if self-harm makes you uncomfortable for any reason I would recommend not reading this story. This will be a fairly graphic story since I have had first-hand experience with self-mutilation, not something I'm proud of but here I am, clean for five months now. I don't wish to promote self-harm or anything along those lines. This story has just been floating around in my head forever.

None the less enjoy the first chapter.

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The week had been pure hell and the constant smell of blood wouldn't stop lingering in my nose, so I went to my brother Bobby's house for the weekend. I was in need of a break and I hadn't seen Bobby and his girlfriend Samantha in such a long time. Bobby had left for a bit to get some of his friends, he said that he wanted me to meet them. Which I found strange because Bobby wasn't the type to introduce people, so I figured these people must mean something to him or somehow me. Well, Sam and I started talking about music and we came on the topics of favorites. I started to tell her about my favorite band, Motionless in White. 

"Do you have a favorite member of the band?" Sam asked with a grin. I'm not sure if I'm just imagining things but she seems way too into this.

I shrugged, pulling slightly at the sleeves of my Manson hoodie, I really didn't like talking to other people about him. "Yeah, it's their singer...Chris Cerulli." 

"Oh really? What do you like about him exactly?"

"His words, it's like he knows exactly who I am and how I feel." I explain, shifting uncomfortably and suddenly the door opens to Bobby with that classic crazy smirk of his.

I miss seeing my brother, ever since he moved out I've been lonesome without having a sane person to talk to. Bobby steps aside and in walks Brandon and Chris from Motionless in White, what the hell?

"Oh, Nicky I didn't realize you were still here." He stated and I rolled my eyes, my brother has always been a terrible liar, but how did he think I was even going to leave? Neither I or Sam have a car.

I just nodded saying, "I was just about to go to the bathroom so I'll be right back."

I get up from the couch trying not to hurry or cringe at the same time, more difficult than I thought it would be considering whose presence I'm in, famous or not I hated being around new people. I was always afraid of saying something stupid or seeming creepy, now that feeling was on high alert thanks to my brother's new guests. I closed the bathroom door behind me, making sure to lock it before slipping off my black hoodie and examining my body before me in the floor-length mirror. My ivory skin seemed to almost glow as I opened the toilet lid and took a seat making sounds like I was using the restroom. I ran my hands over the bumpy stripped flesh of my arms as I attempted to calm my racing heart, staring at my frightened gray eyes I thought of how ironic they were.

People would sometimes point out that my eyes would turn a soft blue, but that was only when I was in a good mood, I don't really get those comments too much anymore. I actually tried to use the bathroom before flushing the toilet for effect and washed my hands thoroughly before drying them. I grabbed ahold of a strand of my light brown hair and tugged it harshly, trying to use the as a way to focus and not freak out. Once I had myself where I wanted to be mentally I slid back on my hoodie and stepped out of the bathroom and made my way to the only empty seat on the recliner, tucking my legs under myself, my dark gray sweat pants rubbed against my thighs getting slightly caught on my scabbing skin as my sock-covered toes curled in protest where no one could see.

No one ever sees my skin, sometimes my hands, and I actually consider them lucky that I even show my face, but I know how strange to would be if I covered up my face. The four of them kept up a good conversation, so I only had to throw in a few remarks making it seem like I was participating. I noticed that Chris kept watching me out of the corner of his eye, so I pulled out my ancient little iPod and began playing one of the stupid games. I hated it when people stared like I was some kind of zoo animal, but it didn't really feel the same this time, like he was trying to figure me out; which could be a terrible thing for me. I just glared at the tiny clock on the screen after I was tired of the games and I couldn't really focus either way, I was waiting for it to be time for me to head home. The walk wasn't that far and it was fairly nice outside considering it was late fall.

Finally the little numbers blinked over for my time to be leaving, so I stood, put on my shoes, and grabbed my things before saying,  "Alright, I got to go, thanks for letting me stay over guys."

Bobby and Samantha both smiled saying that I can come over when ever I liked, they knew how my father was. 

"It was nice meeting the both of you." I nod at Chris and Brandon on my way out.

Brandon waves goodbye, but Chris actually tells me a soft, "Bye."

I quickly shut the apartment door behind me and climb down the stairs, finally concluding that Bobby and Sam had somehow set that up. Well what ever they were trying to do clearly failed. I smirked slightly to myself, pleased that I had for once out smarted someone's tricks. Once walking down the side walk I pulled my iPod back out and put it on shuffle. I groaned at the sight of my house, but my spirits lifted when I saw no red car in the driveway. I unlocked the back door and headed to my room hurriedly locking the door and stripping down before climbing in bed, it takes a certain kind of skill and insanity to hide this many scars from someone. Years of practice seem to do that sort of thing to a person, they make you careful and calculating of every move you make. They may think something is wrong, but they'll never find out what that is.

I scratch at the fresh scabs on my calves as my thoughts drift back to Chris, the sane part of me was screaming at me for not saying something to him. While the other was trying to think if whether or not he saw through me, knew what I was, the same way his words seem to. I'm a broken monster that doesn't deserve to feel this bad for myself, it's selfish and I don't want him seeing that. I sighed deeply attempting to wipe off the small drops of blood on my legs from accidentally opening the scabs and burrowed under my covers waiting for sleep to take over, the only safety in my world anymore. 

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That is the first chapter, please leave a comment if you would like me to continue.

P.S. To my usual fans this isn't anything like my usual work so I probably won't be as bubbly as usual in my author notes.