A Cutter's Lullaby (Chris Motionless Story)

Chapter 27

The next morning I woke up to someone banging on the front door and after the fifth knock I figured out that Chris wasn't going to answer it. So I glanced at the clock to see that it was almost one in the afternoon, so I guess now really didn't count as the morning after all. I pulled myself out of bed and went to the door, peering out the peephole to see Shelby waiting on the other side.

Confused I unlocked the door and as I opened it I asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Today is my off day and I figured since the band just left you could use someone to hangout with." She explains as I let her inside.

"They're already gone?"

"Well that's what I figured when I saw their tour bus going down the road earlier."

"Hang on a second." I tell her as I head for my room and pick up the iPhone on my end table. I had several texts. I opened the first one from Brandon.

'Make sure you decorate the whole house pink for when Chris comes back, he'll love it.' He joked.

The next was from Ricky, 'Hey I know you're birthday is coming up, so when we get back expect something big ;)'

Oh great Ricky is just trying to drive me insane isn't he? I roll my eyes before reading the text from Balz, 'See ya soon Nick, we'll miss you.'

I smiled and I was surprised to see that I got a text from Ghost telling me to be careful while I was on my own and of course I got one from Ryan. I hated that it honestly bummed me out that I didn't get any kind of goodbye from Chris.

When I glance up I notice that Shelby is standing in the doorway, "So did you ever get around to talking to Chris?"

I just nodded as I replied to their texts before sliding the phone in my pj's pocket.

"It went that bad huh?"

"Yeah."

"You want to talk about it?"

I shrugged and we took a seat on my bed as I explained mine and Chris's conversation from yesterday. 

When I finished telling her what happened I saw sadness and anger in her eyes as she said, "I can't believe he would do that. And just over you wanting to know the truth? I don't know Nick I think he's hiding something."

I shrugged, "It doesn't matter. I'm just getting so tired of his back and forth attitude. One day he wants to act like he's my best friend and the next I'm nothing to him."

"Well what I do know is that you don't deserve to be treated this way." She stated sternly and then sighed heavily, "I wasn't planning on bringing this up like this, but I guess I have to."

I just gave her a confused look as I waited for her to continue.

"Next month I'm going to be moving out to California and you are more than welcome to come along. I'm not sure if I've already told you this yet, but my boyfriend is already over there and his photography business has really taken off. So he told me I could finally come join him and start my modeling portfolio. If you don't think you can take this anymore I suggest you go with me and we can be roommates. I can promise you that you'll have someone to understand this time because I've been through this. Chris won't be able to hurt you anymore."

Part of me knew I should be all for Shelby's offer, but in the back of my mind despite all the shit that has happened between me and Chris I couldn't imagine myself leaving him now. It was horribly pathetic of me and I knew it.

None the less I made up an excuse, "Trust me Shelby, I'd love to get the hell out of this, but I can't just up and leave in the middle of my first year at college."

"You're studying psychology right?"

"Yeah."

"Well you can just ask to be transferred to a school out in Cali and then we can go from there." She suggests, she had clearly been thinking about this.  

I shook my head mumbling, "I don't know, I just can't handle the thought of moving again when I basically just got here."

I noticed her face fall slightly at my words before she said, "Well I'm going to miss you so bad, but if you do change your mind you just tell me. I won't be leaving until sometime later in the month so, I promise I'm not trying to rush or push you."

I only nodded in understanding, giving her a light smile.

"Alright, well it sounds like you and I are going to be chilling a lot for awhile, awesome!" She cheered bouncing up off my mattress.

I hope that one day when I do finally get better that I can be as spunky and happy as Shelby comes off as. Her past doesn't seem to hold her back and drown her in crippling memories the way it does me. If I do decide to stay here in Scranton I know I'll basically be all alone again when she moves away since Jessie is afraid of me and Chris seems to be getting tired of me. I have a feeling that no matter how hard I try to fix things with anyone I'll only make it worse. I guess I really don't understand how people work because all I can manage to do is push them away from me every time I try to pull them closer. Maybe it would be better that I just left, I'm only in the way when I'm here it seems.

No matter how much I care about Chris it doesn't change the way he seems to feel about me. I decided then to put more thought into Shelby's offer, I guess I might be moving again. But this time it will be for Chris's sake, not mine.

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Things are looking pretty bleak huh guys? So what do you think Nicole will choose? Will she stay or leave?