A Cutter's Lullaby (Chris Motionless Story)

Chapter 2

I woke the next morning; more tired than I had been last night, but I had to ignore it and took a shower hoping it would help. Thankfully after I was showered and fully dressed I was a bit more alert, but I felt my stomach twist in hunger as I glanced at the clock on the stove showing that I had to be leaving. I decided to not pay attention to my growling stomach and made my way to the bus stop. It wasn't long before the dreaded bus pulled up to my stop, rather quickly actually, I think my bus driver thinks getting to school is a race. I climbed on the bus and got into my usual seat, quickly putting in my headphones before the bus could make its next stop.

The usual freshmen climbed on, two kids named Logan and Nathan that like to make my life a living hell on this bus. This morning they seemed too tired to say any of the normal to me, but Logan did manage to hip-check me with his dense body and smirked when I accidentally hissed slightly. More people piled on with each stop, most of them ignoring me, others sending me glares. I understood why though, I was the creepy girl that never talked and only listened to music, I wore pants and long sleeves in the summer, and the basic color of my wardrobe was black. On top of that the only friend I had abandoned me a year ago, she said that she wanted 'normal' friends, people with less family and social problems. Well for her information no one is normal, some are just better at faking smiles and hiding the tears or bruises.

Finally, we arrived at school and I hurried off the bus, to get away from all the kids pouring out of the buses, there was no way I would let them bother me or touch me today. Once inside I made my way to the counselor's office, not for help for me, but because I was the aid to Mrs. Master. Due to all my personal problems I wanted to help others, believe it or not. I didn't want anyone else to have to feel the way I do. I find her sitting at her desk, typing away on her laptop.

Suddenly she spots me and looks up to smile, "Nicole! You're early today!"

I nodded and smiled back as honestly as I could, this woman was very good at reading people, so I had to be extremely careful around her. Thanks to working with her, I've learned a lot about what body language can tell you about a person, so I tried to avoid all the obvious signs that I was constantly uncomfortable.

"Alright, today I need you to hang up the suicide awareness posters and give the forms to the freshmen teachers." She tells me handing me a large stack of papers. Of course, only the freshmen got talked to about suicide.

I would have plenty of time to do this, since being Mrs. Master's aid was my first-period class, good grades will do that kind of thing for you. I quickly make my way out of her office, not saying a word, but at the same time, I was trying to make it seem like I was busy now. She knew I never talked much though. I picked up a roll of tape on my way out and began working fast, hoping that my business would discourage anyone from talking to me, I was not so lucky. A group of girls, I'm guessing either sophomores or juniors, walked over to me as I hung up a sign on the library door.

"What are you doing?" One asked and I cringed at the sound of her voice, it was much too high.

I pointed at the poster and walked the other way, hopefully, they could read by now. Unfortunately, they followed me again over the bathrooms and I started to get a tiny bit nervous.

The same girl talked to me again, "Why don't you talk?"

I shrugged as I smoothed down the tape on the bright yellow paper and gave them what they wanted, "I just don't have anything to say."

They all looked at each other, a few of the girls seemed like they wanted to leave already because they were bored, I wasn't any fun for them. Thankfully when I went down the freshmen wing they didn't tag along. I gave each of the seven teachers the forms before the actual bell for the first period rang, a flurry of students came barreling down the halls so they wouldn't be late to class. I almost got swept up in it. It felt like being grabbed by a riptide in the ocean, but gladly this one did not have the same deadly force. It didn't take much time after that to get finished with the sign with everyone out of the hallways. It seemed like the school was empty during these times, my favorite times to be honest.

Two more months, I remind myself. Two months until I graduated and I was free from a small portion of my prison-like life. The rest of the day I had to keep reminding myself that since I was getting my usual treatment from others and I honestly just wanted to go home, to feel the safety of my room, to experience the burning relief that only a blade can bring. Sadly though, those comforting thoughts couldn't distract me from the fact I was basically getting my hair ripped out by the person behind me. I couldn't tell them to stop because then the teacher would notice and I don't think I could stomach that kind of beating again for getting someone in detention.

When the school day ended at last I had to stop myself from running to my bus, as if that place was any better. I put the earbuds in like usual and started listening to Motionless in White's song Underdog, loud enough where I couldn't make out what anyone was saying. Once in my usual seat, I actually drew up the bravery to shut my eyes and get lost in the music. I realized what a bad decision that was when Nathan ripped out my left headphone and shouted in my ear.

"What emo music are we listening to today?!" He asked and then put the headphone in his ear, "Ah, nonsense satanic screaming like every other faggot goth kid."

That really pissed me off, I couldn't stand to have me or my things touched, and along with the fact he was insulting something I loved made me even angrier. I snatched my earpiece away from him, wiping it off on the seat as I did so.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, now did I?" I growled trying to shove him out of the seat as my arms silently protested the action.

Logan and Caleb another one of the assholes on my bus saw this and immediately jumped in.

Caleb shoved me back from Nathan into the window saying, "Who do think you are touching him like that?"

"Yeah, why don't you just go home and take it out on yourself?" Logan added.

"No one would care if you died from it anyway!" Nathan stated and they all laughed, nodding in agreement.

My bus pulled up to my stop and I was astonished that he didn't do a single thing about what had just been said to me. I yanked up the hood of my sweatshirt and jogged home as the tears slowly streamed down my face.

"I won't pretend that I'm not a victim of a world that will not listen." Chris's voice sang in my ears as I made my way inside my empty house.

I shut off my iPod, before sitting down on my bed, I wouldn't disrespect MIW with what I'm about to do. I reached over to my nightstand and pulled out the tiny red box that held my eight razors. I twirled the Exacto knife as I removed my hoodie and jeans, I was starting to look like a zebra because of all my scarring. Sometime later, exactly how long I'm not sure, I had around a hundred or so cuts on my thighs. I let out a shaky breath as I felt my body sink into its calming state of adrenalin mixed with euphoria as I wiped up the dripping blood, making sure it wouldn't make it off my skin onto the bed below.

Suddenly the sound of the door unlocking catches my attention and I remember that Bobby was coming over to pick up some things to fix his fish tank with. I guess it's a good thing that I never told him I stopped going over to my friend's house a while back, so this way I knew he wouldn't look for me. My hands were still shaking with fear as I put up my blades and the moment I heard footsteps in the hall I accidentally dropped one of the little pieces of metal on the wooden floor, making a tinkling sound. I hurriedly picked it up, tossing my things in the drawer, and cover my legs with my bedsheet as the door began to open.

Today was a bad day to have white bed sheets because the blood was seeping through so easily, making a horror movie worth sight. But the scariest thing that happened was that it wasn't my brother that came through that door it was Chris.

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