S T A R L I G H T

C H A P T E R 30

Thranduil passed a tree, the anxiety leaving him as his eyes found the form of the woman. She sat at the side of the lake with her knees to her chest and arms wrapped around her knees. Her long almost white hair fell down her back and shoulder, eyes staring down at the water as it tickled her feet.

His eyes could see part of her face, and the sorrowful look painting her features.

Slowly he emerged, trudging over the rocky shore to sit beside her.

"I was worried you had disappeared," he spoke admittedly into the silence of the bank.

"Where could I possibly go?" she wondered aloud, her voice gentle and almost faint.

The King smiled to himself, "I fear I have asked myself that question possibly a million times." 

Her head lulled to the side, resting the side of her face on her knee and finally making eye contact with the ellon at her side.

"My apologies if I frightened you with my disappearance," she apologised softly, drawing patterns into the ground.

"I am only glad I found you again," he whispered, his tone full of truth, putting his entire heart into every word he spoke.

"I doubt I may stay hidden from you for too long," Simbelmynë replied, a hint of her usual boldness in her tone.

"Hmm," Thranduil agreed wordlessly, looking out at the water before them, "why did you come here?"

"Water symbolises life and healing.. It does not just quench thirst, it finds your fear, your rage, your weakness and it traps it in it's body. There is nothing purer or so divinely generous," the elleth advised him, brushing her hands through the water and watching it drip off of her fingers, "though I suppose there is only so much one body of water can take."

Thranduil could only wonder what was hidden behind her tone.

"What ails you?" 

"This constant confusion, it's exhausting," she sighed with frustration, picking up a pebble from the ground and throwing it into the water, watching the water ripple back.

"I can only imagine,"

"My mind feels so loud," she confessed, looking back up at the King.

"Are you sure it is not ósanwë?" Thranduil wondered, searching his mind for possible answers.

"Perhaps," Simbelmynë swallowed, choosing her next words carefully, "...what did ósanwë feel like when your wife..."

The King took a deep breath, reflecting on her words, thinking back to how it felt all those years ago.

"I was burnt by a dragon in battle," he told her, lifting his arm and watching his skin deteroriate and reveal deep scarring, "during the last stand of my father in the Battle of Dagorlad. I believed nothing could hurt as much as flesh melting to the bone, through our link I knew Asteraêa could feel it too and it pained her just as much. When she was taken from me... I felt nothing."

Simbelmynë frowned up at him, watching his face cringe as if it still hurt him to even comprehend, "how is that possible?"

"Asteraêa unlinked her mind from mine in a bid to spare me from the pain of dragons flame.. and Legolas. In my grief, the dragons fire consumed me as well, scorching my skin and burning me alive, but it felt different than the first time, it felt thousands worse," he explained, fisting pebbles beside his seated form, "I realised Asteraêa had used ósanwë the first time to take as much of my pain as she could stand," he revealed, letting go of the stones in his grasp.

Simbemynë thought over his words silently.

"My queen would rather suffer silently than let the ones she held dear ever know what suffering felt like," Thranduil grew quieter the more he spoke, feeling those emotions resurface again. He remembered how desperately he had tried to reach her for hours, days, weeks, and yet it was all wasted. He felt nothing. "I wish she had never unlinked her mind from mine, what I would not do to suffer with her.." he admitted, looking into her big doe eyes, "the only thing worse was the silence, I could not feel her anymore, I wished she would call my name one last time...

I would do anything to feel her again..."

Thranduil looked over the lake by his position at shore, looking over the gleam of the water. His gaze dropped to beside him, visualising her sitting at his side with her feet in the water and dress being soaked like that day.

He could not feel her still.

The elven King steered his elk away from the lake, shaking his mind free of the memories of the two of them. It was one of the last moments they had spent together and he cherished it. The King rounded his steed to a corner, overlooking his troops as they marched.

"Wait! wait!" he heard a yell from behind him and the sound of approaching steps. "You go to war over a handful of gems?" Bard quizzed, pleading with his eyes.

"The heirlooms of my people are not to be forsaken," Thranduil answered, keeping a steady eye on the battalion.

"We are allies in this. My people also have a claim upon the riches in that Mountain. Let me speak with Thorin." Bard urged the King. 

Thranduil finally looked to the human, "you would try to reason with the Dwarf?"

"To avoid war? Yes."

"I doubt the dwarves would do much but take the last that you hold dear," he challenged, tilting his head down at the dark haired man.

Bard frowned, "is that what they did to you?"

"My guards are still searching to find your friend," the King confessed, looking away from the man once again.

"Bel?"

He frowned at the nickname, wishing to know more about the two's relationship but also wanting to know nothing. "Yes... Bel," he confirmed.

"You may not like what you find," Bard practically whispered, thinking back to the elleth's last moments alive. As much as he wished to find the body and put her to rest properly, he also wished to never see her charred corpse.

"And I advise you, living unknown is far worse," the elf quipped back quickly.

The human thought over his words carefully before speaking, approaching it as delicately as possible.

"Before she killed Smaug.. Bel told me to return her to your kingdom," he revealed, watching the King's shoulders tense. He continued, "she was different when returning, refusing to tell me what had changed her, perhaps you could shed some light?"

"Speak with Thorin," Thranduil advised, tapping the elf to continue forward.

Thranduil wondered how different it would have all been if Asteraêa had never stopped their mind connection. If he knew she was alive this entire time, he would have never stopped searching for her. He would have found her before her mind and memories left her. She would've been by his side for all these thousands of years. 

Instead once more he was left to wonder what had become of her- just like before.

A part of his soul died with her the first time she had left him- Thranduil only wondered how much of his soul he had left to lose.

I know its been forever!! All I can say is sorry and thank you for all the comments and messages! You guys push me to write more!

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