Accidental Infidelity (Heartbreak Diary #1)

Kabanata 12

Kabanata 12

Accidental Infidelity

Malalim akong napabuntong-hininga habang tinatanaw si Ryker at Julia na kumakain. I didn't want to force myself to watch but I want to. Gusto kong bantayan ang kilos ni Ryker. At gusto ko ring malaman kung ano ba ang balak ni Julia Vassel sa kaniya. I am aware of the actress' controversies, some were articles before she even started acting. Syempre kailangang alam ko ang detalyeng iyon dahil ayaw kong may makaapekto sa career ni Ryker. The latter worked hard for him to achieve this job and I wouldn't let anyone ruin it.

"If you want so badly to ruin that date then stand up and walk there, Lieve," utas na sabi ng aking pinsan na siyang kasabwat ko sa trabahong ito.

"Wala naman silang ginagawa."

She gave me a pointed look. "Exactly, wala nga silang ginagawa at kumakain lang pero ang titig mo, parang handa kang manghila ng buhok. If you trust your alaga, you'll know he won't do things so recklessly."

"Iyon nga eh, I know Ryker too much. Believe me, he'll do something just for everyone to talk about him. He loves fame."

"Eh hindi ba't iyon naman ang gusto mo para sa kaniya? For him to be known? To be successful?"

Well, that seemed like a wrong decision.

"Ano ba talaga ang plano mo? Balak mo bang patayin ang sarili mo sa selos? O gusto mong kumilos na para magkaalaman na? In fact, what's stopping you from telling him what you feel for him?"

"It's not that easy."

"It is easy, if you want to. Baka kasi alam mo rin naman ang sagot kapag nasabi mo na kaya nagdadalawang-isip kang gawin. Either way, it's either you tell him or forget all about these and move on."

"Hindi nga madali, Lean. Alam mo ba ang nangyayari kapag inuuna ng artista ang pag-ibig? They'll eventually fail without even achieving anything."

"At sa tingin mo talaga hindi inuuna ni Ryker ang pag-ibig?"

"This is his thing. He likes to explore."

Lean rolled her eyes as if annoyed by me. "I don't fucking get your logic, El. Talagang sinasanay mo na ang sarili mong masaktan. You know what? I really want to support you with what you're doing, this Ryker shit and all, even when I don't really like him. Pero kung ganito lang din naman at sinasaktan mo ang sarili ko, you better drop this. You better cut off this attachment."

"Kahit naman siguro isampal mo sa akin ang katotohanan, hindi pa rin ako matatauhan, Lean."

She exasperatedly sighed. Napangiti na lamang ako. Kahit naman sabihin niyang pagod na pagod na siyang nakikita akong ganito, Lean still stayed beside me. Hindi siya napapagod na pagsabihan ako. And even when she knows my response, she never left my side.

Kaunting tiis na lang din naman. I told myself that after this movie project, I'll be courageous enough to tell Ryker how I feel. O bago pa man matapos ang proyekto niyang ito, at bago pa mag-iba ang ihip ng hangin, kailangan ko ng sabihin sa kaniya ang nararamdaman ko. I know nothing's holding me back...except for Ryker's plans. I have been respecting his plans up until now, that I have been compromising my decisions. Siguro naman tama na iyong ilang taong pinagbigyan ko siya sa gusto niyang gawin.

He made a promise to me and I made my choice already. It's Ryker or no one else. At dapat ganoon din siya. He should keep his promise because I've kept mine.

"Lieve..." a voice called out while I was walking on the side of the pavement. Nilingon ko ang sasakyang nakikisabay sa aking paglalakad.

"Hi there," the man inside the black shiny vehicle greeted as his car stop abruptly. Tumigil din ako sa paglalakad dahil nakakahiyang hindi siya pansinin gayong napansin niya na ako.