Standing in the rain : The middle of peace

Painful smiles

TW SH

Griffin's Pov

I woke up the next morning, wrists stinging. Sighing, I got ok it of bed. Walking to my bathroom, I saw the razor I used last night. "Not now," I thought. But to be safe I put it aside to use later. I pulled on a long sleeve sweatshirt. And went into the lobby.

Breakfast was ok. It was pamcakes, but they were lukewarm since I woke up late. Breakfast was solemn, like it always has been since Harper left.

I feel blank inside, like an empty piece of paper. Or an empty glass, and it's not like there's anything to fill it.

I silently ate my breakfast. "So," My mom started.

"How did everybody sleep last night?" Mom said

"It was ok," Zoey mumbled.

"It's your fault harpers gone," I thought.

"Go cut yourself, since you don't know any other way to cope."

"No," I thought. My thoughts were fighting with each other. I didn't even notice my Mom calling my name.

"Griffin, are you ok?" My mom called. Every one at the table was staring at me. I locked eyes with Mom, Zoey,Wyatt, and Dad.

"Yeah, just thinking" I replied, before eating my cold pancakes.

School was the same drag, but since Harper is gone I've had to focus on school more, which makes it easier. Since we're in Louisiana, everybody blasts the A.C, so I can wear my log sleeves all I like. Plus, there's always bracelets.

11 pm, My clock says. Being awake is like hell, because it gives me time to think about what I could have done to make Harper leave.

Again, I found myself in the bathroom, holding a razor to my skin.

Cut.

" I can tell you have no friends"

Cut.

"No wonder she left"

Cut...

CUT...

Red splattered a over my sink. Red all over my hands. My own warm blood was everywhere. The pain was overwhelming. My hands quivered in pain and my head started to spin. My chest heaved up and down.

"Am I gonna die am I gonna die am I gonna die am I gonnadieam
Igoonadieamigonnadie!"

Those words repeated in my head. I felt sick. I turned on the shower before hacking up all the food I ate today.

My head is spinning, and it feels like I'm hot and cold at the same time and my heart is beating backwards and my body isn't mine and my wrists are stinging and im choking and im gonna die.

I feel warm liquid running down my face. It's tears. I can hear very quiet sobbing and it sounds far away. Its my own.

Out of the shower.

Its now 11: 43 pm, and I'm laying in bed with my wet hair and eyes swollen from crying. It feels like there's a heavy weight on my shoulders and my chest, compressing the air out of me.

Finally, the release of sleep comes to me in peaceful waves and I begrudgingly pass out on my bed.