BURNED - A Chicago Fire Fanfiction

Chapter Forty Two

Everyone was gathering their things to go home, but I had packed my things up early, I needed to talk to Boden before we went home. I was beyond nervous, but I knew it needed to be done. This was a secret that I couldn't keep from him, hopefully he would see that keeping us on the same shift wouldn't be a bad decision. I gently knocked on the Boden's door and waited for a response.

"Come in," Boden answered. I took in a nervous breath and entered Boden's office, stopping when Mouch came into view. "Zahra, come in, close the door behind you." I closed the office door and stepped up to Boden's desk. "Mouch was just talking to me about the call last night at the high rise."

"Oh?" I looked to Mouch, who stared back at me with concern. "How gratuitous of him."

"Do you have anything to say?"

"That depends on what he said, Chief," I answered.

"He said he called your name over and over again, but you wouldn't step away from the ledge, said it looked like you were about to jump."

"No," I shook my head. "I wasn't going to jump, Chief. I was just taking a look."

"Zahra—" Mouch began, but fell silent when Boden held up his hand.

"Taking a look?" Boden questioned.

"Curiosity got the best of me," I shrugged. "I just didn't hear him calling out to me because of the wind in my ears."

"Zahra, I have to ask...have you ever had any suicidal thoughts or tendencies?"

"Tendencies?"

"Have you ever tried to kill yourself?"

"No, Chief," I shook my head.

"Ever thought about it?"

"I think everyone's had a suicidal thought at one point in their lives, Chief. I mean, I thought about killing my self once because I bled through my jeans in high school and got called Tampax for a month. And then there was that one time when I threw up on Seth's shoes in fifth grade—"

"Zahra, I meant recently."

"No." Boden let out a sigh.

"Okay, you can go."

"Chief," Mouch begged.

"I'm sorry, Mouch, but I don't see any reason to send her for an evaluation. It's your word against hers. I'm not saying I don't trust your word, but no one else saw what happened and no one can back either of you up on what really happened. I'm sorry." Boden turned back to me. "You're dismissed."

"Actually, I was needing to talk to you about something, Chief," I insisted. "I mean, if you're not busy."

"Not at all. What is it?" I looked to Mouch and back to Boden.

"It's kind of a private matter, Chief."

"Of course. Mouch, could you please excuse us?" Mouch let out a sigh and exited Boden's office, shutting the door behind him. We waited for the sound of Mouch's footsteps to disappear before speaking once more. "Okay, we're alone. What is it?"

"Chief, you know I respect you, right?"

"Yes?"

"And you said that you want me to feel like I can come to you to talk about anything, right?"

"Yes, of course," Boden nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay," I reassured.

"Okay, so, what is it?" Boden picked up his mug of coffee and took a drink.

"Chief, I don't know how to tell you, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. Brian and I are sleeping together." Boden suddenly spat his coffee across his desk. I gently wiped away the coffee that sprinkled my face.