Chapter 47: Nazar

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"Nazar? Have you been listening to what I was saying?" Ante asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"No... Sorry... Can you repeat, please?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

I heard him sigh before repeating. "You've been doing that a lot lately...Lose yourself in your thoughts... Do you want me to bring something in particular while you're doing chemotherapy?"

"I- Sorry." I said simply; I knew he was right. It had been more difficult to concentrate lately. "I think I'm good... We will see what happens after the first round."

"Alright. I will call a taxi..." He answered and I heard him step away from me.

When it was time, he took my hand and led me inside the taxi, closing the door once I was sitting on the leather seat. The trip to the hospital was quick and, before I knew it, we were inside the building. We walked through the corridors and I sat on a chair when Ante told me to. After a few minutes, someone handed me a chemotherapy drug to sensitizes the tumor to the radiation, making it more effective.

"Before we take you to the treatment room, you need to put this hospital gown on and remove any jewellery." A man told me.

I nodded, feeling the gown being put into my hands. I put it on and Ante took my clothes out of my hands. "I can't follow you in the treatment room. I will be in the waiting room and someone will bring you to me once it's done, alright?" Ante explained and I nodded.

Someone held my arm and I followed without a word. I laid down on a table where they told me and, after checking that I was in the same position that I was during the planning session, the hand left my arm. 

"We will leave the room now. But don't worry, we will see you through a television screen and we can talk with the intercom." 

I heard a door being closed and after a while a buzzing noise started to appear. I stayed in the exact position they've set me, knowing how important it was to ensure the treatment targets the correct area. The treatment itself was quick, only a few minutes, but the whole session lasted about forty minutes because of the time it took the radiation therapists to set up the equipment, place myself into the correct position and then do the CT scan.

The buzzing noise soon stopped and I heard the door being opened again. The whole procedure had been completely painless but I couldn't help but feel exhausted. Someone helped me sit on the table.  

"Do you feel capable of getting up on your own?"

"I think so, yes. But don't forget to hold my arm, please." I answered softly after a minute.

We slowly made our way back to the waiting room where Ante took over. "You can go home now. We will see you tomorrow. And don't forget to let us know if you have any side effects."

We left the hospital in silence with my thoughts going toward the fact that this was going to be my life now for the next six weeks. Six weeks of daily chemotherapy and radiation. Ante had to reschedule his days at work in order to be able to bring me to the hospital. He was starting work later, meaning he could see less patients than before making me feel guilty. He helped me enter the taxi, closing the door once I was inside. 

Ante gently shook my arm once we arrived and we entered the house. I sat on the sofa with a sigh; I felt like I had no energy left in my body.

"Here, take this glass of water." Ante said, sitting next to me. I silently thanked him, taking the glass out of his hands and drinking slowly. "How do you feel?"

"Tired. I'll probably take a nap. When do you have to leave for work?"

"Soon... But I will call from time to time to check up on you. You will keep your phone close to you, alright?"

"No worries. And I promise to call you if I really don't feel good." I said, trying to reassure him.

"Okay. I will be going then. There's leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry." He told me before adding. "I love you..." 

He kissed my cheek softly and I felt him get up from the sofa a few seconds later. I waited until I heard the front door being opened and closed before getting up and going upstairs. I made sure my phone was turned on before laying on the bed. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. When I woke up, I couldn't tell how long I had been asleep but I was hit by nausea. I rushed out of bed and went into the bathroom. Before I could reach the toilets, I bent over and vomited all over the floor.

"Shit..."

I straightened myself and turned around to open the window to get some fresh hair. I then proceeded to remove my shirt, putting it in the laundry basket and went downstairs to get some paper towels. I went back to the bathroom, suppressing a retching as I entered the room. Tears formed in my eyes when I realized I couldn't remember where exactly I vomited and the smell was too strong for me to tell.

"Shit..."

The last thing that I wanted was to call Ante. I knew he would come home if I did and I didn't want him to miss work even more. Trying to ignore my upset stomach, I got on my knees and swiped the floor all around me with the towels. I crawled forward and repeated the same action, putting the dirty towels into the bin. Once I was sure I removed most of it, I took the mop  and washed the floor with clean water. I knew it wasn't perfect but the smell was almost gone so it would have to do until Ante came back.

It was when I put the mop down that I realized how heavy my breath was. I put it away and removed the rest of my clothes before going into the shower, turning the water as hot as possible. I sat on the cold floor tiles and let the water pour over me. I didn't feel good. I knew it was the side effects from radiation. I had been warned about them. But I didn't expect them to come so quickly, after only one round. 

Another wave of nausea hit me and I only had time to spread my legs before vomiting in between them. With shaky legs, I got up and turned the water off. I wrapped a towel around my body and went into the bedroom to take my phone, almost dropping it. 

"Call Ante..." I whispered so lowly that I had to repeat it a little louder. Luckily, he answered after only one ring. "Ante... I really don't feel good..."

"I'm coming back home. In the meantime, stay online okay?"

I simply nodded, putting the phone on the nightstand and putting clean clothes on. I could hear Ante's voice coming through the phone and explaining to someone in the waiting room that he had an emergency and had to cancel. It made me feel so guilty; I wasn't sure I had made the right choice when I decided to call him. He checked on me during the whole trip back home, not even ending the call when he opened the front door. I heard his steps coming up the stairs before barging into the room.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, trying to get out of bed.

"It's my fault... I knew I shouldn't have left you alone..."

"I vomited on the floor in the bathroom... I did my best to clean it but I'm not sure I managed to remove everything..." I admitted, feeling a little ashamed of myself. He shouldn't have to clean after a grown adult.

"It's fine, I will clean it. Don't worry about it. How do you feel?" He asked, gently stroking my cheek.

I proceeded to tell him everything, not hiding any details. I knew the hospital would ask about them and I didn't want to take any risks in omitting something that could help me heal.

"Why don't you rest while I clean the bathroom? I will make you some soup once I'm done, okay?" He suggested while I simply nodded.

Knowing he was here reassured me and I closed my eyes, hoping the side effects would be less severe once I would wake up...




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