Through sickness and in health

46

Sunday

The rest of yesterday jason spend in bed trying to catch up on some sleep. I'm not too sure how that went because I had to go home and help my parents prepare for today. When I woke up I texted jason good morning and told him I'd be at his house at 10 and then I'd leave at 1 when my family would've started to come over. He didn't answer which wasn't a surprise given I did text him at 8am and he's probably still be asleep or lying in bed playing video games not paying any attention to his phone.

"It feels like you haven't been home for ages" mom laughs when I walk into the kitchen. Shes started making more jokes about me not being home much lately, her most recent one was 'it's like this is your second home where you get clothes and leave your dirty clothes and then leave back to your new home at the Parker's' I can't lie and say that didn't hurt. I do my laundry, and it's weird how she addressed it as the Parker's and not Jason's house like she always does. I can tell she's giving me a hint to what she's saying but she doesn't understand it. How could she? She doesn't and never has had a boyfriend with cancer who's mom is never home and dad started a new family without him. All Jason has is his mom and his sister but his sister lives a few hours away and has her own family and his mom buries herself in work to distract herself from her problems.

"I'm sorry mom. I love you but the Parker's, need me" I say making sure to emphasise 'the parkers'
"No that's it!" She says raising her voice a little bit.
"I mean it when I say you haven't been here much recently. Today is thanksgiving and your staying here. Jason can wait until tomorrow" she shakes her head.
"Hand me your phone" she says walking over to me. I'm gaping at her now, my phone gripped tightly in my hand.
"Mom come on" I scoff pulling the phone out of her reach.
"Lexie" she warns
"You don't understand mom!" Tears prick my eyes and threaten to come pouring as I raise my voice at her, I never raise my voice at her. Im a good kid that's probably why my parents are so easy with me.
"You don't talk to me anymore!" She fires back
"That's a lie I do!"
"No you don't! You never speak to me about anything" she says, I watch as a single tears falls down her cheek and it feels like my heart rips into two.

"Fine! My boyfriend has cancer. He has shitty parents who bailed on him. His dad is trying to get back into his life and act like he didn't wait years to tell his kids about his other son but managed to mention they have a sister and have a meal with her every week. His mom is at work trying to hide from her problems. That 'problem' being jason because he's the one with the cancer but she can't be the mom he needs because she's trying to hide from it. He has the flu and is on medication for it, whilst being on chemo! And he's struggling with panic attacks and insomnia!" I yell as tears start to fall and I realise everything that is actually happening in Jason's life right now.

"I'm scared he's going to fall back into depression. I'm scared he's going to lose hope and give up. And I'm scared that my boyfriend is going to die" I'm sobbing as my body shakes with tears and everything hits me like a brick.
"I don't want to be here for thanksgiving because I have nothing to be thankful for other than the fact you and dad are happy and healthy because my boyfriend isn't, and all I want to do is stay with him because I'm scared that something is going to happen when I'm not there and I'm scared he's going to forget his meds or he's going to pass out again" I shake my head falling to the floor now.

"But I'm beyond terrified that the person I love is having to go through this all alone because he has shitty parents and his sister has her own family and life hours away" I cry, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders though now that I have let all my feelings out.

"Mom I'm the only good person he has to support him right now" I sigh looking up at her. She stands against the kitchen counter with tears streaming down her face and a small smile on her face.
"Honey I love you so much, your such an amazing person and I'm just worried about you. I feel like your spending all your time worrying and looking after Jason you forget about yourself" she sighs walking over to me. She helps me stands and wipes my tears before pulling me into a tight hug.
"Jason looks after me too Mom. He wouldn't be Jason if he didn't. He puts everyone before himself even when he's struggling the most. That's why he needs me" I whisper. She nods pulling away. She puts her hands on my cheeks and wipes my tears with her thumb just like Jason did a few days ago.
"I'm proud of you and I'm sorry I didn't understand. I love you, I just want the best for you" she smiles
"Does that mean I can go to Jason's like we planned?" I ask, a smile forming on my face.
"I'd offer for Jason and his family to come here but I'm afraid we don't have the space" mom sighs

"I'll spend the morning with Jason then I'll come home like we planned. His sister is there, I'm sure he will be fine for a few hours" I smile