Through sickness and in health

44

Saturday

I spent the whole of yesterday trying to muster up the courage to go to Jason's house and talk to him. But what do I say if he won't talk to me? I didn't want to ruin the day he had with Jessica. Now that we're on thanksgiving break I lost my chance to speak to him at school which means I have to go to him if he won't even shoot me a text.

"He's still your boyfriend. Just show up at his house, ask to talk and explain. I can vouch for you so can Abbie" Katie sighs washing her face. Normally I'd laugh because she looks like a wet dog when she washes her face but I'm too nervous to laugh right now. Jason might be my boyfriend but I know from experience when he's mad he's mad. He doesn't let things go easily because he has trust issues. Last time we argued, it took him four days to come to me and apologise. After all of the guys had talked to him. But then he took me on a nice date and apologised and made it up to me. That was all because I saw him talking to a girl who was clearly flirting with him and he couldn't take the hint she was flirting.

"What if he slams the door in my face?" I mumble pulling on his hoodie.
"Then I guess you got your answer for the day" Katie sighs

*~*

I walk out of my car, twirling my keys in my hands and looking at the key chain Jason got for me that had a photo of us on it. It was the day I got my driving license and my parents gave me my own key for the car. I raise my shaking hand to the door, after a moments hesitation I knock. You can hear max's bark inside as he heard the door and probably is waiting for the mail to come through so he can rip it up. Im surprised when the door opens to find Melissa standing there with a defeated look on her face.

"Lexie" she plasters on the best smile she can and opens the door wider. I'm assuming Jason hasn't spoken to her about our...argument is that what you even call it? Not that I'm surprised she probably hasn't been home long enough for him to talk to her.
"Go on up" she smiles. I give her a small nod after I take off my shoes and leave my coat on the hook. As I walk through the kitchen I spot Jessica. She must spot me because her whole face lights up and she walks over to me.
"He's pissed at you" she warns me as she pulls me into a tight embrace.
"I tried to talk him down. Explain you wouldn't do that to him" she says

"I didn't do anything. He pulled me into the janitors closet to talk-"
"Don't explain it to me. I trust you. Talk to him" she nods pulling away.
"Thank you for trusting me" I smile at her before going to walk upstairs.
"He hasn't gotten much sleep so he's moody" Jessica adds before I get to the stairs.
"When isn't he?" I try to smile walking up the never ending stairs.

When I make it to Jason's room I knock on the door but there's no answer which doesn't surprise me. The nerves start bubbling back but I push them aside and open the door. His room is still messy since he hasn't cleaned it since the last time I was here. That's not a good sign. Jason isn't the tidiest person but he's not this messy. There's always pieces of clothing on the floor but he eventually gets to it when it piles up more. This time there's water bottle all over his bedside table, dirty clothes on the floor, his shoes are scattered on the floor. It's messier than usual. I look over to his bed seeing it's unmade and looks like someone has been in it recently but Jason isn't in it.

Just as I'm about to walk out and regret coming here, the toilet flushes. Followed by the sound of water running. Then the door opens. Jason walks out, he's wearing sweatpants without a shirt on. His hair is messy but he still looks hot somehow. I can't help but feel worried because of how pale his face is, he's walking a lot slower and you can tell by how his body hangs heavily that he's exhausted. His eyes meet mine after a moment, I can't tell what he's feeling. Happy to see me? Maybe he wants me to leave? I can't help the tears that flood my eyes, seeing him like this. I've missed him so much and now I'm worried about him. Worried that he's not feeling well and worried that he won't hear me out so we can get past this. Worried that he wont believe me.

I think he's going to say something but he doesn't. He just sighs, then walks over to me slowly. And he brings me into his arms, I feel how his body relaxes a little bit as he gives me some of his weight and leans on me a little.

"I'm sorry" I whisper as tears stream down my cheeks.
"I wouldn't have let anything happen if he even tried to make a move on me-which he didn't. He was asking questions about you and the...cancer. I thought if I answered his questions he'd keep his mouth shut. He pulled me into the closet and stood in front of the door, until I answered his questions then let me out. Nothing else happened" I ramble on as he continues to hold me tight. Then he pulls away, his eyes searching my whole face to read me. But then he lifts his hands and cups my cheeks, wiping my tears with his thumb and caressing my cheek as he nods.
"I trust you" he whispers, his voice is small and he looks incredibly ill. More tears fall as I look at him. Vulnerable. This is the most vulnerable I've ever seen him which isn't a face Jason ever wears. And I wish nothing more in this moment that I could take his pain.