Through sickness and in health

26

Tuesday

3:17am

I wake up, stumbling out of bed. I quietly use the bathroom careful not to wake Jason. When I get back into bed I don't feel a pull on the sheets, turning on the lamp beside me I see the bed is empty.

"Jason?" I whisper shout, when I don't hear an answer I walk out of the bedroom and tiptoe downstairs, making sure to be extra quiet as I pass the room Luke, Jessica and ivy are sleeping in. I see the door to jacks room is cracked open.
"Shit" I whisper to myself walking faster down the stairs. None of the lights are on, as I reach the kitchen I see a light from outside. Peaking around to the door I see max running around in the back yard, as Jason leans against the wall with his arms crossed. Jack sits on the chair facing him.

"You know I did show up to your baseball game once. You were 12, I watched you on the field. I've never felt so proud. I didn't have the balls to stay, I knew after I left that was it. Your mom would probably take me back but you...you've always been so stubborn, your like me that way. You don't take shit from anyone, keep that, it's a good thing it will help you in life" Jack starts breaking the silence. Jason's wearing his hoodie and sweatpants with his hood pulled tightly, even at home he feels the need to keep his hood up.

"I was proud of you that day. But Lucy, she was pregnant. I didn't want to drop the bomb on you about your step brother, I knew you were still mad at me so I left. I did show up to one of your games Jason. I did show up" Jack repeats, it's almost as if he's trying to convince himself and only talking to himself.
"I know I haven't been the best father. I relied on alcohol for years and I'm sorry you were the one to see that side of me. It's unfair, you were the youngest, you needed me, you needed a father figure, someone to look up to and I wasn't that to you. I'd like to be that to you" Jack says. I know I shouldn't be listening to this but I'm desperate to see how this goes. Jack is right, Jason did need a father figure and someone to look up to. Right now he needs it the most whether he wants to admit it or not. He needs his father, everyone needs a father.

"Thank you for the heartwarming talk" Jason says blankly.
"I'm over it, I don't need a father. I get you feel the need to swoop in and fix things" Jason says, he pushes himself off the wall like he's about to walk inside as max runs back over but he stops.
"You know it wouldn't have actually taken a lot to fix what you lost. A kid who missed his dad would've forgiven you in a fucking heartbeat if that meant they got a father figure...But you were a pussy and walked out on us...One thing" Jason says looking at jack again.
"Has Jessica met your kids and new wife?" He asks, jack opens his mouth to argue. Probably to make up some excuse like he didn't think Jason would want to meet them but then he stops. All he does is nod.
"Yeah" Jason sighs
"I'm not an asshole you know. It's not the best feeling knowing your dad broke your family only to go and start a new one...but you could've invited me over once to meet them. One time is all it would've took. You made me feel like shit because you never even asked" Jason says, with that he calls max and begins walking to the door.

I run around the side and hide in the laundry room. When I hear the stairs creaking and a door shut I walk out. Bumping into someone's chest.
"Shit I'm so sorry, I uh-I-"
"He hates me doesn't he?" Jack asks completely ignoring what I was doing and just looking at me. He looks sad, disappointed almost.
"Do you want my opinion? He doesn't talk to me about you much so I wouldn't know but I do know Jason" I say, he nods meeting my eyes again.
"I don't think Jason hates you. I don't think  anyone could really ever hate their father that much. He says he doesn't care about you leaving and that he's over it but he doesn't talk about you. He shuts down when someone talks about their father, and he won't talk about his own. I think there's still hope somewhere inside of him" I sigh answering honestly
"I never stop thinking about too him you know. He was in the newspaper a while back, that's when I started calling him. I want to get to know my son" he says
"I came back here thinking he'd be upset with me. I thought he'd express everything and I could talk to him. But he's grown into this young man, he's so grown up. It makes me disappointed in myself for not being there to witness it. I want him to meet my kids, but-"
"They don't know about him" I cut in, having already figured it out.
"Lucy thought it was for the best" he says
"What about Jessica?" I ask, I can't help but pry, his own sister let him believe his dad just dumped him to the side and no one cared to meet him. It makes me wonder what the other kids would do when they find out.

"She argued at first, but she knew it would only hurt Jason more" he says
"How old are they?" I ask, a smile blooms on his face and his eyes light up. I can tell he feels pride with his family and he's happy. It just hurts me to even know that it's not a family with Jason included.
"Tyler is 14, hes my step son, but I love him like my own. Kylie just recently turned 7, and Jayden is 5" he says
"Jayden" I mumble
"Like Jason?" I ask looking up at him, his smile drops. My head whips towards the stairs when I hear a loud bang. Jack turns on the light, Jason stands at the top of the stairs, his fists clenched as he stands there shirtless. He's no longer wearing a hoodie or his beanie, his shaved hair on full display. His hair has began to grow back but the scar is still noticeable when your close enough.

"You really replaced me" is the first thing he says. Jack shifts from the corner, walking over to Jason.
"Jason I-"
"They don't know about me?" He says looking at his dad still. When he shakes his head Jason just laughs.
"Jason, it just happened. We didn't intentionally name jay to replace you or-"
"You call him jay!" He's shouting now.
"Fucking hell your worse than I remember" he shouts running his fingers through his hair.
"You didn't stop and think, 'oh wait I have another son called Jason, who by the way we also call jay. At least give him a different fucking nickname. Or do you just want to replace me completely. What's next your going to put him into baseball camps? Next star pitcher, maybe you will ask me to help him practice whilst your at it. Give him my tricks and techniques maybe" he shouts, Jessica walks downstairs. I can briefly hear crying from upstairs at the loud shouting.

"Jay I-"
"Jay you should calm down" Jessica whispers softly putting her hand on his shoulder.
"I needed you" Jason shouts, his voice starts to break but he doesn't let himself break. Steeling his shoulders he stares back at jack.
"I still fucking need you! I just wanted my dad to show up to one of my fucking baseball games for once in my life I wanted you to be there for me and see how much I've grown. Because I've done it without you. But yet you come back here asking for forgiveness and asking for a relationship with me when you haven't bothered to tell your kids about the half brother they have when they know about their half sister! Don't you see how fucked that is!" He shouts.

We stand in the kitchen watching as Jason trembles. Even from across the room I can see how he's shaking.
"Jason you should sit down" Jessica says softly nudging his shoulder. Finally he nods, he takes a seat on one of the stools putting his head in his hands and starts messaging his temples again. I see Jessica's worried gaze as we both look at Jason in concern. When Jason looks up he must see how his dads now staring at the uneven growth of hair on his head and the scar that's still visible.

"Brain tumour" Jason mumbles pointing to the scar on his head. Jack looks just as confused which Jason catches onto and sighs.
"I have cancer. I had a brain tumour, that's why I was in the hospital and why I had surgery. They tested the tumour it came back as cancerous, the mass had grown back and I have cancer" Jason explains like it's just a routine. Jack stands there in shock.
"Why didn't you call?" He finally asks
"Why haven't you told your kids about me?" Jason shoots back, ignoring his question.
"Jason this is serious" Jack says nearly shouting now.
"Don't do that, you don't get to shout at anyone for not telling you. I haven't seen you in 6, almost 7 years. You lost that right" Jason says standing up again.

We all watch as he runs upstairs, a few minutes later he comes down, still wearing sweatpants but now wearing a hoodie and shoes. His school bag and a different bag thrown over his shoulder. I hear a cars horn outside.
"I'm sleeping at will's" Jason says turning to me.
"You wanna come? Or we can drop you back if you want, or stay here" Jason offers
"I'll drive home, my cars here" I say offering him a smile, he nods walking over to me.
"Drive safe if you go home, and text me when your safe. I'll see you at school" he says kissing me. I nod pulling him into me, he hugs me back and kisses my head again.
"I love you" he whispers
"Love you too" I smile

I finally pull away, kissing him again. Just like that he picks up his bag and walks out the door. Leaving us all standing in the kitchen in silence.