Through sickness and in health

39

Friday

"Will I said fuck off" I open his bedroom door seeing him lying on his bed with his face in a pillow. His shirtless, toned back makes me drool at the sight..
"Wow you really are a douche bag" I laugh, throwing my bag on the floor after grabbing the small box from it. Jason doesn't look up from the pillow but doesn't say anything else. His room is messier than usual, it's never that messy just the few pieces of clothing and random items scattered on the floor and on the surfaces but right now everything seems out of place.

"Redecorating?" I chuckle, I hop on the bed next to him and reach over running my fingers through his hair.
"I was gonna tidy it, I just don't have the energy right now" Jason mumbles lifting his head slightly.
"Tired my love?" I smile softly
"Mhm" he hums moving his head to rest on my lap. I pull the blanket over his shoulders watching as he relaxes a little bit.
"I have a surprise for you"

"I hate surprises" he huffs
"You know this" he adds looking up at me. I smile reaching to the floor and picking up the small box and hand it to him. He looks at me with a confused look for a second before opening the box. When he picks up the mask he looks at me like I'm an idiot.
"The fuck is this?" He asks, he turns it around in his hands inspecting it.
"It's a mask" I roll my eyes
"Yeah I got that but why?" He glares at me. I can see the wheels turning in his head, all of them full of what could go wrong with this idea. The main one being people and asking questions.
"You weren't allowed to go to the lock in because of the bacteria and all the sickness you could pick up. The doctor cleared you to go if you wear this mask" I smile holding one up to my face to show him.

He didn't have the reaction I thought he would.
"What's wrong?" I ask seeing the look of disappointment on his face. He looks up at me, his face softening as he pulls himself to sit up. He faces me and takes my face into his hands kissing my forehead.

"I love you, and I appreciate it. But-"
"But you don't want to go" I sigh, he nods leaning his forehead against mine.
"Everyone will have questions. I'm not the type of person to give a shit about what others think but this..." he sighs shaking his head pulling away for a second.
"What's wrong my love?" I whisper holding his hand.
"When people look at me I don't want them to see cancer. I want them to see me for me, Jason Parker, baseball pitcher. Not Jason Parker, the cancer kid. I don't want people to sympathise for me and give me pity because they want to feel good about themselves. If it gets out that I have cancer that's what everyone will see. Cancer. Not me. I don't want them to think I'm weak because of this, just because I have cancer doesn't mean I'm weak, but that's all they're going to see" he sighs. I hadn't noticed the tear rolling down my cheek until he wiped it with his thumb giving me a soft smile.

"I love you, thank you again for fighting for me. But I'm going to skip this one out" he kisses my cheek making me smile. I hadn't realised this was how Jason was feeling recently. I thought he didn't want people finding out he had cancer because he didn't want people to hover over him and ask questions, not because he felt weak and pitied.

*~*

"You should get going, lock in is at 6 it's 5:30" Jason says groggily looking up at me. His eyes are puffy and barely open as he fell asleep, he look's adorable.
"I don't want to leave you" I whisper, I spent the last 2 hours sitting in bed with a sleeping Jason on my lap thinking about what I could possibly do to get him to be able to come tonight. I feel so guilty at even the thought of me going and having fun whilst Jason is at home, alone and upset.

"Babe" he chuckles sitting up, he pulls me into his lap and starts placing kissing all over my face. My forehead, my cheeks, my nose, my chin, then finally my lips.

"Lexie Thompson, I love you. You put everyone else's needs and feelings above yours and I love that about you, but I also hate it. Go to the lock-in. Have fun, don't worry about me. I'm not going to die tonight because I didn't go, I'm not going to wallow in self pity, I'll be fine. Go, have fun with your friends, you need this. You've been looking after me for weeks, your smothering me. I love you. Go have fun" he smiles, a tear falls down my cheeks making him laugh as we swipes it off with his thumb.

"I know I act like I don't realise all the things you do for me, and I know I don't show my appreciation much but I do appreciate it more than you can imagine. I know I shut you out-" he sighs stopping himself as he drops his eyes from mine.
"You shut people out because you don't know how to let them in. That's not your fault, that's his fault. That was a way you healed yourself and it's a way you protect yourself, I understand it babe" I nod, lifting his chin so he can meet my eyes.
"I understand. You don't have to apologise" I smile kissing his lips feeling his smile forming again.

"Get out, before you do something your gonna have to fix" he says scrambling away from me. He ends up toppling off the bed and onto the floor as I make my way closer to him and he makes an effort to move away.
"Fuck!" He shouts through laughter on the floor.

And there it is.

Jason's real laugh. Not the fake one, not the fake smile he plasters on his face everyday. It's the smile that meets his eyes and fills his whole face. The laugh that lights the whole room with the sound. The laugh and smile that I've been missing a lot recently.

The laugh and smile that made me fall in love with him.