BTS Mafia FF - Crimson trap

Chapter twenty-two: Behind the mask shelters fear

Jimin: "Namjoon ordered me to come get you both. We're expected in the meeting room. We have some things to discuss."

My head quickly turned to Jimin's direction, feeling only more anger rush through my body. Now we have a meeting? Why out of all times do we have a meeting now? The last thing I'm in the mood for is to sit in the same room with all seven of them. What do we even need to discuss? Probably my behavior of this morning, when I decided to interrupt their discussion with the intruder.

You: "Can't you hold this meeting without me? I don't feel well."

Jimin: "Your attendance is required for us to hold this meeting. Everyone needs to be present, so no you can't refuse."

Jin: "We'll be there soon, just give us a moment."

Jimin: "Alright, I'll tell them you're coming. Don't wait too long though, you know Namjoon hates to wait."

Jin: "We'll be there in ten minutes."

Jimin: "Good..."

Jimin walked out of the room, closing the door immediately behind him. I couldn't figure out his expression this whole time. No idea what thoughts he had about us sitting on Jin's bed like this. There's no doubt that the moment we will step into the meeting room, everyone already knows the news about Jin and I being intimate with each other. And I'm even more certain that they will be happy about that news, because that means they all have a green light to touch me. My own thoughts made me sick to the stomach.

Jin: "Y/N..."

Him calling out my name, while his hand strokes my hair behind my ear made me flinch. I spaced out again, forgetting I wasn't alone in this room. I instantly slapped his hand away, sparing him no glance at all. The betrayal I felt was still there. My heart was burning because of it.

You: "Don't... You'll only make it worse. I know why I'm here, so apologizing to me for your behavior would be ridiculous. You were right about what you said... I do think you're all monsters, no need to change your image. I'm going to get ready now, before we're late."

Without looking at him I said those words, venting everything out of my system. It was my way of giving myself a reality check of the situation. I thought that this image was a cover up for their harsh past, which maybe is true. But there is also a part of them that choose this lifestyle, that choose the way how they threat me and that hurts me. They will never treat me right or fair. I'll always be some sort of toy for them to play with, a form of entertainment when their bored, their property until they're tired of me. Why would you try to take care of them? Why would you even try to understand them? Both of our worlds are completely different. I will never understand them, never fit into this lifestyle they have. It's upsetting but the truth must be heard. Because otherwise I might believe that one day, they're capable of doing something good. I must crush the one thing that I had inside of me, because I realized now that whatever I do, nothing will change my future. Hope... That's what I need to destroy. There's no way they'll ever let me go or treat me right. With those thoughts I stood up, letting the black blanket slide off my body. I quickly picked up all my clothes off the floor and walked over to the bathroom. Jin never said anything to stop me, he didn't even got up, probably waiting for me to get out of his sight.

Jin's pov

A deep sigh left my mouth the moment the door closed behind her. She's hurt, because of me and my actions. I shouldn't have continued, but I couldn't control my desires anymore. I'm certain that this was the best moment to do this, because Namjoon would ask questions if I kept waiting longer and longer. All this time I was battling with myself, finding myself in an uncomfortable position. Every inch of my body craved for her, feeling attracted to her more and more every time I saw her and spoke to her. Never in my life have I experienced such deep feelings or desires for someone. The feeling wasn't purely lust that attracted me to her. I was interested in her as a person, her life, her interests, her goals, ... But I can't speak those thoughts out loud, not to Y/N or my fellow members. If one of my members found out about my fascination for her, I'm not sure how they would react. Namjoon would definitely be mad for having any sort of feeling for her, even if I can't define it yet as some sort of love. The smallest feeling towards her as sympathy or sadness for is already enough for him to cut me out of this agreement. So, she can hate me all she wants but at the end this decision will keep her safe. One day she might see the bigger picture...