Learn to Love Again

Home Truths

It was gone midnight when she finally reached over put her bedside light out. Jenny had been on the phone with Luke for the last couple of hours talking. Well, mainly crying, but talking too.

"Look sis, you've got to face facts. You both arsed this up. He now believes he missed his chance and has wandered off to find solace in the arms of some blonde airhead. You were a total thickie until his mum set you straight and are leaving and worse? He's only really going to realise what he's lost once you're gone. Couldn't really be any more arsed up if you both tried.
This Tina bird, she's just a kneejerk reaction. I'm assuming you didn't actually tell him I'm your brother yet you muppet?"

"No" she'd said in a small voice. He was right. If only they'd got their act together and spoken to each other instead of dancing about like children.

"Ok." He paused "look, do you think you can put your big girl pants on this time?" He smiled and she could hear him roll his eyes down the phone at her.

"Yes Luke" she agreed with a smirk.

"Right, when he comes to school next, no matter what, you tell him. Everything. Leave nothing out. After all, what have you to lose now? Worst case scenario? You're leaving anyway. Who knows, you just might end up staying!"

"We'll see" Was all she would say. "It's late and we should both sleep. Thanks, Luke. Love you."

"Love you too sis. Even if you are a muppet!" The line went dead and she put the phone down with a sigh. Was it really that easy?

As she reached over to put the light out, she caught sight of something sticking out of her bag. She'd thrown it down in the corner when she came in, not having given it a second glance since she'd grabbed it as she left Tom's house.

Whatever it was it would keep till tomorrow. She lay back and closed her eyes. Thirty seconds later, with a growl of frustration, she snapped the light back on.

Throwing back the quilt, she padded over to the corner and picked a small envelope out of the bag. Curiously, she opened it and took out a small slightly crumpled piece of paper.

Flattening it with her hand, she peered at it in the gloom. Walking back to her bedside lamp she sat on the edge of the bed. It was a picture. A big red pencil heart with 3 names in the middle. 'Dad' 'JJ' and 'Miss' through the heart was an arrow, of sorts, and underneath? Underneath was written in his familiar little scrawl "together 4eva".
Well, that's what she thought it said, she couldn't see for crying.

Tom lay in the dark looking at the ceiling. Beside him lay Tina, fast asleep, her arm across his chest. He'd come to bed hours after her, being honest, partly to make sure she was asleep. He'd talked to his mum, well, she talked at him while he listened.

"Why Tom? Why her? Why now?" She'd held his hand, not accused, just asked quietly.

"I don't know. I REALLY dont know. It just kind of happened. We've worked together for weeks and we chat. We go for the occasional drink when we wrap for the day. I suppose I was feeling low and she was a sympathetic ear. Before I knew it, I'd kissed her." He shrugged "I'm lonely Mum, it's been a long time."

"I know son, I know. You've not had it easy. But you have more people that care for you than you realise I think."
Diana looked at him, her eyes reflecting his own sadness. "People who care a great deal."

"Jenny" he said quietly, sadly.

"Yes. Jenny. You just don't get it, do you? A double first at Cambridge and a wonderful father, yet not a single shred of common sense." She shook her head, a small smile on her face.

"But Mum, she has someone. I saw him in the park, she told me she was cooking for him, I SAW them at the cinema. She liked me yes, she cares about JJ yes, but I made it perfectly clear I wasn't interested. Like the complete and utter twat that I am." He flopped forward, head in hands.

"Language"

"Sorry mum. But you know what I mean. She's leaving too. How much more plain could she be? It's too late. And now, I'm stuck with...Tina." He looked at the ceiling, Tina sleeping in his room above them.

"She's pretty, and has nice nails." His mum smirked. The implication not lost on either of them. "But son, she's not ..."

"Jenny" he interrupted.

"No, I wasn't going to say that. Hold your tongue Thomas!" She reprimanded him like she had when he was a boy and he shrank back.

"Sorry mum."

"I was going to say, she's not with someone and she's not leaving to spite you. She's leaving because she's NOT with someone and she thinks she has to leave BECAUSE of you. You... twat!"

"Mum!"

"Oh get over yourself Thomas. You've heard me swear before." She got up and put the kettle on for the 46th time that night.

"The two of you are like a pair of silly teenagers. Lots of angsty glances and meaningful silences. Stolen smiles and almost-touches. Get a grip son. She just needs you to tell her how you feel. She's every bit as scared as you. She's genuinely intimidated by the impossible act she has to follow." Diana put decaff into two mugs and poured on the water.

Passing a mug to Tom, she sat back down.

"But I would never compare her to Claire. Ever. She's just ... different. She's funny and beautiful and clever and wise and silly and beautiful and JJ loves her and I ..." he stopped and looked at his mum. Her face was a picture of smiling satisfaction "I love her."

Suddenly a weight lifted off his chest. He felt an unbearable burden had simply disappeared. With voicing the truth, he'd realised he COULD love again. Claire wasn't diminished, Claire was still his first love. The mother of his child but Jenny. Jenny was his future.

"There's just one thing wrong with all this." His mum drained her mug and put it in the sink. " You're telling the wrong person son. Now, I'm going to sleep in the guestroom tonight, so normally Id say keep the 'noise' down, but somehow I don't think that will be the problem will it?"

"No, well not in the way you think. It might not be pleasant when I send Tina back in the morning though." He shrugged and finished his own coffee.
Standing up, he hugged her tightly.

"Thanks mum, you're a star" he kissed her cheek "what would I do without you? How can I ever repay you?"

"You can collect JJ from school tomorrow, that's what you can do. And put your big boy pants on and speak to Jenny. Night son." She kissed his cheek and went to bed.

As Tom stood brushing his teeth, he looked in the mirror. The face staring back at him was far from happy. Tomorrow was going to be challenging to say the least.

Now as he lay in bed, he wondered what he was going to say to her. How to let her know it wasn't her fault. It was him. Try to make it right.

And more to the point, what the hell would he say to Jenny?