𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒, james potter

42. unrealistic

NESRIN FEELS LIKE shit.

Not only because of everything that has happened in the last few days but because she physically feels as though she cannot get up from her bed.

Her entire body aches, and even though she hasn't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon, she constantly feels the urge to hurl. She is painfully aware of her head pounding and the constant chills that rack her body.

She's sick.

She hasn't gotten a fever in a long time, and she finds that she didn't miss the feeling.

It must have been from the rain. It's been about a week since that day at Hogsmeade and a few days since James's confession. She isn't sure what to make of anything right now, and she's not sure she wants to even think about it.

She skips all her classes, and Idris brings her back some food for lunch. She eats in her dorm quietly, grateful that Vanessa and the other girls are not there.

Her thoughts spiral around her until she falls into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When she wakes, it is in a cold sweat and with a damp towel resting on her forehead.

Her eyebrows draw together in confusion. Has Idris been in here?

But then she hears footsteps that are quickly followed by shoes. Her gaze drifts upward, the familiar planes of his body coming into view. When she looks into James's eyes, all she sees is concern and longing.

With a start, she sits up in her bed.

"What..." She blinks at him. "What are you doing here?"

He comes closer, not taking his eyes off her.

"I was worried. You didn't come to class, and I just..." He stares at her with a look in his eyes that she can't read and one that he hopes will explain everything.

You just what? she wants to ask. But she doesn't.

He sits on the chair beside her bed that he must have taken from her desk on the other side of the room. He takes the towel from her head, turns it around, and then places it on her again.

"Lie back," he tells her. "It will help with the fever."

She wants to tell him to get out, to never show his face again, but the comforting feeling in the pit of her stomach doesn't cease. She's afraid she will never be able to tell him this and that it will lead to nothing but her own ruin.

She follows his instruction and lies back down. His fingers brush over her temple. She inhales sharply.

He looks down at her with soft eyes, and an even softer smile.

It suddenly occurs to her that maybe James still loves her and maybe he loves her enough to forgive her.

Half of her desires this more than anything, and the other half is willing to cut out her eyes if it means never having to see him look at her like that again.

"How did you get in?" she asks, hating how weak her voice sounds.

He gestures to something sitting on her desk. His invisibility cloak.

"I waited until one of the girls came in here to grab something before I slipped in," he explains.

Nesrin doesn't respond. How long was he waiting?

His hand goes to her hair, stroking her head. Her eyes close despite herself.

Maybe it wouldn't end so badly if she allowed herself this.

But then she hears his intake of breath and she opens her eyes, fearing that she knows what he is about to say.

"About what you said the other day..." he starts. "Did you...did you mean..."

He cuts himself off. He takes in a shaky breath. Then he looks at her with determined eyes. As if he cannot bear to know the answer but he must.

"You love me?"

She has the sudden urge to cry at the hopeful tone in his voice.

"It could never happen between us," she says finally. "It's unrealistic."

"Nesrin," he interrupts in that soft voice of his. "I asked if you love me."

She wants to lie and say no, she doesn't. But when she looks at his face, she can't bring herself to deny it.

Instead, she goes with, "I don't know why I said that to you."

His face falls. She immediately wants to retract her words.

She doesn't have a chance to when he nods and stands, offering her a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"I hope you get better soon," he says genuinely.

He doesn't wait for her to reply before he turns around, puts on his cloak, and leaves.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !

ok. i promise for real you guys will LOVE the next chapter. (trigger warning though hehe)