𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒, james potter

39. was i not enough?

THE CUT ON the back of her head isn't too bad. She can take off the bandage James put on when she gets back to the common room, but she isn't quick enough for Idris not to see it.

He's on the couch in the common room when she comes in, unaware that anyone is there.

"Nesrin," he states simply, his face a mask of neutrality.

Her eyes widen as she stops in her tracks, the bloody bandage in her hands. He gets up and walks over to her, his eyebrows drawn together.

He looks down at the bandage and then back at her.

"What the hell happened?" he asks, his tone composed enough for anyone other than Nesrin to think he's calm.

He's not.

Nesrin blinks up at him and shakes her head. "Nothing."

She starts moving but stops immediately upon seeing Idris's face.

"Nes. We're twins. You can't lie to me."

She bites her lip and looks down. Idris places a comforting hand on her shoulder. Tears well in her eyes as she tries to blink them away.

Everything spills out of her as if it's been sitting on the tip of her tongue for years.

She tells her brother about Garrett, about everything he said to her, everything he did to her. The more she speaks, the more Idris's expression gets angry.

When she's done, neither of them says anything for a long while. Idris takes a long, shaky breath before his arms come up to wrap around her. She rests her face on his warm chest, welcoming her brother's comfort. He strokes her hair and presses his lips to her forehead.

"It's going to be okay," he mumbles into her hair. She realizes that she is crying. "He's never going to bother you again."

And Nesrin believes him. Because Idris has never lied to her. He has always done everything in his power to protect her. She hugs him tighter.

"I'm sorry for not being there for you," he whispers, his voice sounding angry. Not with her, but with himself.

She pulls away. "Idris, it's not your fault."

He clenches his jaw but doesn't say anything.

Eventually, the twins let go of each other, and Nesrin convinces Idris that she's fine. She goes to rest in her dorm room.

Her mind is racing with endless thoughts of a raven-haired boy.

✧ ✦ ✧

SHE'S SITTING IN her and James's secret spot.

It's the only place she could think of to clear her head. It provides her with both quiet and comfort. Two things she desperately craves.

She closes her eyes, pulling her jumper closer to her as a sudden breeze passes by her. The grass beneath her crunches. She opens her eyes.

James is sitting beside her, arms around his knees which are pulled to his chest. His eyes are closed as he faces forward.

Her stomach flutters with something dangerous.

Something forbidden.

She faces forward again, trying to ignore the boy mere feet away from her. Instead, she focuses on the butterfly that just stopped on a small plant. Its wings fold into themselves as it rests for a moment. Nesrin wonders what it must feel like to spend your whole life flying, always flying. Always in the sky, one with the wind.

"Why did you do it?" James's voice suddenly asks.

She turns her head to find him staring at her, his gaze heavy.

For a second, she's confused. She knits her brows together, frowning.

"Why did you break up with me?" James clarifies.

Nesrin's heart stops.

She swallows hard, trying to appear nonchalant.

"I told you. We didn't work."

But he hears the wobble in her voice.

His expression shifts to a resentful one.

"How could you think that? Did you not like me as much as I liked you? Did you not feel comfortable around me?"

Nesrin doesn't say anything. She's afraid that if she opens her mouth, she will say something she will regret.

"I keep thinking about it over and over," he continues, a hint of anger in his tone. "If I did something to upset you. If I fucked up somehow. It's killing me, Nesrin. Why did you break up with me?"

Nesrin bites down on her cheek hard enough for a metallic taste to touch her tongue. If she looks at him, she'll cry. She has to hold it all in.

But then James gets quiet. His face turns resigned.

"Was I not enough?" he whispers.

His voice sounds so fucking broken that Nesrin suddenly can't help herself.

The tears start streaming down her face before she can stop them. A sob leaves her body before she can hold it in.

James wraps his arms around her before she has the chance to leave.

She is so exhausted that she just shoves her head into his broad chest and pulls him closer to her.

She feels warm and comfortable and it's the first time in over a year and a half that she feels as though she can breathe. She remembers how James used to be her best friend. Her comfort person. The one she always turned to for everything.

She cries harder. She holds him closer.

Just one moment.

Just this one moment, she will allow herself.

But when they pull away and she apologizes under her breath before leaving him once again, she finds it harder than ever to keep justifying why she keeps pushing him away.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !

i think yall are gonna like next chapter.