You were never a bad guy (The Wanderer x Reader)

Hitting Walls IS Therapy

TW: ⚠️Sexual Assault⚠️

This chapter includes the following TW: Abuse, Sexual Assault, Trauma, PTSD, Swearing, Verbal Abuse, Dottore, and remnants of Self Harm. Please read at your own discretion!

Scaramouche's POV:
_________________________

"Oh god! Scaramouche!" A voice yells from beside us. I look up and glance at (y/n). She falls to her knees and wraps her arms around me.
"What the hell happened?" She asks, her voice frail and all over the place. I clear my throat and shake my head.
"Nothing, don't worry." I say, shifting to try and push her off me.
"You look terrible." She says, leaning backward and staring into my eyes.

"That's so fucking nice of you to say." I hiss, rolling my eyes and looking away.
"Nahida?" (y/n) asks the small god, desperate for some sort of explanation.
"Yes Traveler?" Nahida replies.
"Tell me, what's wrong with him?"
"I cannot do that." Nahida says softly.
"Why the hell not!?"
"If he's not going to tell you, than why should I?" Nahida says, standing up and facing (y/n).

"Scaramouche... Please be honest, are you okay?" (y/n) asks, her voice straining.
"I'm fine Traveler, please don't worry about me." I say, staring out at the vast open area of the Sanctuary.
"Okay." (y/n) says, nodding and standing up.
"I'll leave you be then, I guess." She says, her voice quivering. I quickly glance up at her and grab her wrist.

"No... Please... Stay with me." I say, pulling her arm weakly. She stares down at me and shakes her head.
"If that's what you wish." She says, sitting down beside me.
"Alright Scaramouche. Can you please remember anything of importance, that might help with your." Nahida hesitates, before clearing her throat and nodding.
"With your recent endevers, and issues." Nahida asks, she sits down infront of me, and looks pleased with herself.

"Next question?" I say, lowering my eyes to the ground infront of me.
"Okay... Is there anything with Dottore that causes you unpleasant feelings, or memories?" Nahida asks, her voice more serious.
"Next question." I say simply again. Nahida groans quietly, but nods.
"Is there anything that you feel is worth mentioning about your past, or about the person you might have been? Maybe about your family, or upbringing? A friend you might have had in the past, or a food you miss eating?" Nahida asks, more desperate than before.

"Next question." I say, avoiding anything she asks.
"I can't help you if you don't answer at least one of my questions!" Nahida says, her voice trying to reach me.
"What if I don't want to be helped?" I say softly, quietly. The world goes quiet, almost to welcome me into the growing pit of agony that I long to escape from.
"Mind speaking up?" Nahida says finally, breaking the silence.

I clench my jaw and nod slowly.
"I said... What if I don't want to be helped?" I hiss loudly. Nahida can't have said she couldn't have heard me that time. She stares at me in disbelief.
"Balladeer..." Nahida says slowly, sympatheticly. I look up quickly, and stare at her.
"How many times do I have to say... Don't call me fucking Balladeer!" I say, standing up quickly.

I no longer felt sadness, or an unwavering feeling to stay here forever. I wanted to leave this place, leave all these unnerving feelings and emotions. I couldn't stand this... I felt hopeless, and trapped. I felt weak... I felt... Loved...

I storm away from Nahida and (y/n), leaving them alone.
Why the hell does she think she can help me? I don't need some pathetic archon thinking she can save me. How...

How...

How... Weak of me...

I felt my stomach churn, my mind swirled. My chest ached.
"Dammit!" I walk up to a wall and slam my fist hard against it. The wall shook before a single crack run up it. I smirk, seeing the crack become more tiny little cracks. I pull my fist back and laugh.

I push my fist forward again, fast and hard, aiming to hit the wall again. I close my eyes, bracing for impact. My hand hits something solid, but it wasn't the wall. It was warm and soft, and it felt oddly familiar. I open my eye and stare at the Traveler. She held my fist in her hands, only inches from the wall.
"What the hell?" I shout, trying to pull my hand away. She grips it tight though, her face serious.

She moved her hand in a way to let my fist unwind. She examines my fingers and knuckles, before she uses her other hand to poke at them. I flinch, not realizing that my hands where bleeding. It wasn't like it hurt, it just surprised me.
"You hurt yourself." She says, still looking at my hand, she frowns and nods.
"It doesn't hurt." I say, trying again to pull my hand away. Her grip tightens around my hand, like she was telling me to stop moving.

"Why hit the wall?" She says, flipping my hand over and staring at the inside of it.
"It's therapeutic." I say shrugging.
"Is it now? I always thought that hitting walls was kind of... Dumb." She says bluntly. I frown in disgust at what she had just said.
"You know, you have some real nerve, talking so abruptly to me." I say, trying one last time to get my hand free.

She quickly let's go of my hand, causing me to stumble backward a little.
"I really could care less what happened to your hand." She says, turning to stare at the wall. She runs her hand down the crack, before lifting it and turning to face me.
"I care more about what Dottore did to you." She says, walking toward me. I stare at her and shake my head.
"I'm not sharing that with anyone." I say, I look down at my hand and hold it close to my chest.

"Why not? Are you a coward? Too scared of what the 'big bad doctor' will do to you if you share his secrets?" She says, her voice growing dark.
"Stop it! Your being very inconsiderate!" I say, looking back up at (y/n).
"Me? I would never. Why not just tell me one little thing? It's so simple, I know you have many stories to share. Go on... Tell me."

"You don't want to know!" I say weakly.
"Tell me!" She replies loudly.

I back up against the wall behind me. No where to go.
"Your so fucking pathetic you know that?" (y/n) hisses, she pokes my chest, and then raises her hand. I flinch and duck away.
"What the hell happened?" (y/n) asks, turning and walking toward me. I trip and fall to the ground with a loud thud. I yelp in pain and close my eyes. I feel (y/n) standing over top of me, her breathing ooched in my ears.

"I don't want to tell you!" I say softly, weakly.
"Why not show me then?" She asks, her voice more friendly. I shake my head, my eyes shut tightly.
"Fine... Then how about I rejog your memories?" (y/n) says. I hear shifting, and then her cold fingers on my legs. I open my eyes quickly and kick at her.
"Don't touch me." I yell at the weird shape.

"Is that anyway to talk to me? The one who gave you meaning?"

"How did you get here?" I shout, tears rushing down my face. I turn my head to face the ground. The figure takes a step forward and crouches over me.
"I followed you." It says, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at it.

"Leave me alone...

Dottore..."

A/N: Sorry y'all for not uploading for a bit. I've been madly sick and haven't quite had the motivation to upload chapters. But I'm back, and now I should be uploading again.

But just for information though, because this is kind of important:

January 26th 2023

January 27th 2023

This dates above won't have uploads. I have exams coming up so I won't be able to upload on these days. Also uploads will be kind of spread out, since I need to study and complete my work.

Also thank you everyone for the support on this story!
You can find my socials below:

Discord: kiwick_#3933
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Have a great day 🤧