Travel//5sos ✔️

8.

"you mother- "don't finish that statement." michael interrupted as he wiped the cigarette away with his foot.

"why would you do that?" i spoke angrily as i glared at him.

"light another one and i'll continue to do that." michael challenged.

"why are you all so on top of me about everything." i grumbled.

"because, you obviously don't care about yourself too much and need a little bit of a push in the right direction." michael replied.

"just go away. let me smoke one. it helps me feels better." i spoke as i grabbed another cigarette from my pocket.

i lit it and walked away from michael.

"i'm not going to chase you. you know what you're doing is wrong." michael pointed out as he stared at me.

"do i?" i replied as i sat under a tree.

michael sighed and walked back inside.

a few seconds later he came out.

"why'd you start smoking?" he asked.

"stress. nerves. control. i never felt cared for. my mom was always working. i was never her priority."i shrugged as i inhaled the smoke.

"i see." michael spoke softly.

"you know that smoking is really bad for you." michael added.

"maybe, but being in control is more important than my health." i replied.

"that's where i disagree. there's many ways to be in control without hurting your health." michael spoke as he walked towards me slowly.

"i'm not a wild animal." i shot at him.

"never said you were." michael replied as he sat next to me.

"why the sudden change in attitude?" i spoke.

"yelling at you won't fix anything. all it would do is waste my energy and make you mad." he shrugged.

i nodded and brought the cigarette up to my lips.

"what's this?" michael asked as he pointed towards the inside of my wrist.

i quickly pulled my sleeve over the marks and looked away.

"nothing, don't worry about it." i shrugged.

i subconsciously put my cigarette out on my skin again and stood up.

"that didn't look like nothing." michael spoke up again as he stood up.

i stared to walk away as he followed.

"you said you wouldn't chase me, so don't." i spit at him as i pulled my hood over my head and walked away.

i ran back up into my room and locked the door.

why was i falling apart here?

i felt like every single thing that my mom didn't know about or tolerate were coming into the light here in the states.

maybe it was because i had more people watching me, truth is, i hate it.

i enjoyed being able to smoke freely, drink freely, go out freely.

the only thing i'd didn't do freely was self harm. cutting, but that's the only thing mom knew about.

i grabbed my phone and shot her a text saying good morning.

i didn't expect an immediate reply.

i walked out of my room and downstairs and didn't see michael.

i walked back outside into the backyard.

it was really green. back in aussie in my backyard, it was not very green, but we never took care of all the plants.

i heard the door open and saw michael standing there.

"its green here. back in australia, it's all dead because we never take care of it." i spoke softly.

"well, to be completely fair we never take care of ours either. it's the sprinkling system." michael spoke softly.

i was subconsciously fiddling with my sleeves because i was nervous. i had a feeling he didn't know about my self harm.

i knew for a fact ashton did, but i wasn't sure about anyone else.

"can i see?" he spoke tentatively.

i shook my head.

"nothing to see." i replied.

"i have a feeling i know what i saw and it's okay. i'm not mad. no one would be mad." michael spoke quickly.

"even if you were mad i wouldn't give a shit. ashton knows. so it's okay." i spoke stiffly.

"he knows?" michael spoke quickly.

i nodded before we both heard the garage open and headed back inside.

ashton walked in with luke and calum behind him looking exhausted.

"anything interesting happen while i was gone?" ashton asked.

oh shit.