Dark Poems Of A Sad Mind

Ho Ho Ho

No one suspects the jolly fat guy
With a belly like that, I'd pass as a regular dad
With charisma and charm, I'm always first in line
To be used as Santa Claus, during the festive times

But no one knows what goes on in my mind
They say Santa's imaginary, but here I am
With all nine reindeers and lots of sacks
I'm allergic to cookies but I drink the milk
And do a lot of other things that you don't see

Y'all think I'm jolly and nice, but that's a lie
No one who knows me trusts me and that's a fact
All my elves are slaves, no surprise in that
They're all under a spell and there's no breaking that

Prior to popular belief, I don't drop any gifts
I steal all your belongings and drink your milk
I'm a magical creature that slides down chimneys
Why would I want to give and not receive?

I change location each year and visit new homes
You'd think I was a regular burglar the way that I roll
I give off the impression that no one was in your home
And make you lose memory of the things I stole

My elves are magical and can make many things
But it has to be magical too and temporary

So I resort to theft while I use their potions
To go in and out and remain incognito

The plan is flawless and works most of the time
And when it doesn't, I use my silencer

Christmas is in the air, so spread the cheer
I know my next victims and I'm getting prepared
Would it be you or not
Only time will tell

                                             ~
Merry Christmas,
Yours unnecessarily
Mr douchebag (I have to find a better name)

Oh and before I forget, if you have a chimney make sure you block it before new year 😉