Dark Poems Of A Sad Mind

Loss(Possessed)

I feel like this is the best thing I've ever written, so please share your opinions on it ಥ‿ಥ

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I wiped my face and let the blood mix with my tears
My bloody fingers running through the strands of my hair
In the mirror, I see a face full of despair
The evil I did is not one I can revert
I tried and I tried, but it seems I'm messed up in the head
I'm a sadistic prick with murderous Intentions in my head

I went for therapy and tried to explain how I felt
But I got a restraining order, even my therapist was scared
I tried group therapy, but even that didn't help
The moment I start speaking, half the people were scared to death
I've cried and I've wept, I've sobbed and shed tears
But the thoughts in my head are all tinged with madness

Nothing seems to work, I've gone through all of my options
But my thoughts keep on influencing me,
I almost took my life once
It's getting worse by the day
I'm degrading mentally
I think I'm becoming insane
Because of the wavelength at which I think

I'm a murderer at heart, and although I haven't committed
It's only a matter of time
Before I claim my first victim
I'm scared and I'm conflicted,
I'm watchful and I'm sound
That I might give into this feeling at any given time

So I lock myself away and detach myself from all
The only victim who I talk to, is myself when I mourn
Why did God make me this way
Why did he give me these thoughts
I'm loathe to admit it, but my life is worth nought

Why not end it all here and make it all stop
And if I do go to hell, I'd blame it on God
For giving me these thoughts and giving me no one
To share what I feel or listen to my words

So I spiral downwards, into heavy depression
And when I couldn't take no more,
I finally met someone
I was a friend in need and he was a friend indeed
And although I was parasitic
I was slowly starting to heal

The process was slow and arduous, and many a times I'd cry
But with a shoulder for me to cry on, I didn't hurt quite as bad

So it's with pain in my heart and a remorseful cry
That I explain what I did with with my face in my hands
It was a beautiful evening, and I had just finished crying
I had an episode, but I went through it smiling
I had someone beside me
So the darkness wasn't blinding
Little did I know
It was the prequel to my nightmares
I sat on the couch, while my feet were criss crossed
Meditating and trying to get rid of my curse
When it hit me like a bus
Stronger than it had before
I felt my mind slipping, even as I fell to the floor
I tried so hard to stop it,
To not let it take over my mind
But my struggles were futile
My mind was never mine

The events after this were blurry
I wasn't seeing things clearly
But one thing I remember distinctly
Was his pleas of mercy
I tried to control me
Even as I squeezed ever so tightly
And then all of a sudden, I regained my body
But it was too late, for he had already left his
I killed the only person who had ever truly helped me

I cried as I sat there, I couldn't live with this feeling
Then I stood up with an idea as I ran to the kitchen
I grabbed a knife from the counter, and I jabbed it into my spleen
But all I got was a cut, my demons wouldn't let me
I punched myself numerously
Banged my head against the wall
And palmed my face in frustration and let my tears mix with my blood.

I killed someone important because I couldn't control myself
My demons wouldn't let me quit
So I live with loss in my chest