tyler's point of view
i pace back and forth in my apartment, my heartbeat still faster than normal. i can still feel his lips on my hand, can still see the look in his eyes.
oh my god.
it's real. i can't believe it's real.
it's reassuring to know i haven't been imagining it all. he must feel something if he can acknowledge the fact that what we've been calling a friendship is more than that.
i know he said he trusted me not to tell anyone, and i felt guilt settle in my chest at the words, but i do trust emily, sydney, and jenna. i would trust them with my life, and i know they'll keep this safe.
so, i decide to text jenna, just because i feel like i have to. she's quick to text me back.
jenna: woah! good for you, ty. i'm happy for you. i told you so!
i smile a bit at her reply. i am thankful for her, and for the fact that she's supportive even though she was hesitant at first.
i text my groupchat next, because i feel bad that i've kind of been ignoring them lately.
tyler: heyyy guys
sydney: woooow finally we've barely heard from you outside of school
emily: we thought you were ghosting us 😔✋
tyler: omg i would never. i love you guys :(
sydney: its okay ! i just assumed you've been busy with you know who. hmm? 🤨
tyler: maybe......
emily: omg ?? fr?
sydney: BITCH!!! spill!!!!!! immediately !!!
tyler: well,, i helped him make cupcakes for tomorrow and we talked for awhile
i decide to leave out the rest of the details for now.
emily: that's really cute actually
sydney: i agree but you def owe us some besties time!! so youre spending halloween with us right? movie marathon at your house?? yes ??
tyler: i wouldn't miss it for the world! i miss you guys :,)
emily: we miss you too ty-guy
sydney: yes see you tomorrow my luvs <3
-
the next day at breakfast, we sit at our usual table to talk before school starts.
"come onnn, i want to know everything," sydney begs.
they've been trying to get more details out of me but i've refused every request. i've downplayed the situation as best as i can and i'm hoping they'll drop it soon.
they do, and the bell rings soon enough, which is when we all part ways.
i go to my first class and sit down, waiting for the teacher to begin. it feels so strange, having this big secret. nobody knows about this thing that's become a fairly big part of my life. i feel a shy smile pull itself onto my face with a matching light pink spreading across my cheeks. that seems to be how i look most of the time these days.
the strange feeling of secrecy follows me through each class, and even at lunch. i try to ignore it in hopes that sydney and emily won't say anything.
"so, sluts, what movies are we watching tonight?"
"oo, what if we binge watch the first season of american horror story again?" emily suggests.
"didn't we do that last year?" i look over to her with my head tilted to the side in question.
"yeah, but evan peters is hot," sydney says. "so i'm down. it can be a cute new tradition!"
"alright, american horror story it is," i agree, taking another bite of my food.
"so, em, how are thing with james?" sydney asks, pointing her fork toward emily.
she blushes and i'm very grateful that it's not me this time. i'm also glad to that we're talking about something else since i feel like all the attention has been on me lately.
"it's good. i really like him. he's really nice," she says. "we went out to eat the other day and he opened all the doors for me. he paid the bill and then when he took me home, he walked me to the door and everything. it was so sweet."
i think back to josh walking me to my door last night, when he kissed my hand. i feel my cheeks begin to burn again and i will it to go away. but i can still feel it there, i can still picture the small smile on his face.
"tylerrr, feel like sharing with the class?" sydney looks to me like she knows what i'm thinking.
"come on, out with it. you've been dodging our questions all day! we have a real life romantic comedy thing going on and you won't let us out of the commercial break." emily nudges my side with her elbow.
i look around the room, at all the people around us. there's no way i would risk talking about everything here.
"alright, maybe we can talk tonight at my place. deal?" i offer, hoping again that they'll forget.
they both agree and we finish our lunch before emily and i head off to class.
when we walk in, i look around at the little decorations josh has put up, at the cupcakes i helped him make spread on a table.
"wow, fancy," emily says, looking around as we both make our way to our seats.
"it looks great, mr. dun." i smile at him and he smiles back, seeming genuinely pleased with our reactions.
"yeah? thank you. i got here like an hour early to put everything up," he says. i can tell he's proud of himself and it's nice to see him all smiley and happy.
once everyone is in class, josh lets us have our snacks and puts on a movie for us to watch.
and the cupcakes are delicious.
-
"the intro is the scariest part of the whole show," sydney says, a bowl of candy in her lap.
there aren't many trick-or-treaters that go around the complex, so we decided it wouldn't matter much if we ate some.
wrappers litter the coffee table around our drinks, on coasters emily got for me a few years ago because she 'hates the little circles that get left when you don't use them.'
"i don't think this season is scary at all. i haven't finished any of the others though so i couldn't say." i shrug.
"i never said it was scary, but it's creepy enough to watch on halloween, right?" emily asks.
there's a knock on the door and i take the candy bowl from sydney before going to open it.
"trick-or-treat!" a little girl wearing a dinosaur costume smiles at me with a missing tooth and a purple pumpkin bucket.
"wow! what a cool dinosaur!" i hold the bowl down so she can reach. "take whatever you want."
"thank you!" she takes a handful of candy and then takes a few steps over to josh's door, her mom lingering behind her.
i lean against the doorframe, watching quietly as he opens the door, wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, glasses resting on his face.
i watch their interaction, the way he beams at her and waves as they walk away. he seems to notice me then, turning to me with that same bright smile that makes my chest hurt in the best way.
"happy halloween, tyler," he says.
"happy halloween, j."
(an: little filler dedicated to ayden bc he loves halloween)
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clementine // joshler
Fanfiction"i don't need anyone. i just need everyone and then some." - in which tyler is a senior in high-school who's been living on his own for two years and josh is a teacher fresh out of college who's just gotten out of a four-year relationship. - #1 in t...
