clementine // joshler

2

tyler's point of view

"and then he just said 'someone has to,'" i tell her, counting out the cash from the register.

"is that a bad thing?" jenna asks. she's wiping the tables down in the dining room.

"no, it was just... weird." i shrug, locking the register back up when i'm finished. "he's so young too. the whole thing was strange."

"you're pretty young yourself, you know," she points out, coming back towards me to put the dirty rag with the others. "i don't understand how any of it is weird."

i walk to the back with her and we both grab our things from our lockers. "i've just never had a teacher that feels like... on the same level as me. does that make sense? it feels weird to think of someone so close to my age in a position of authority over me."

"you're younger than me and you're my manager. and my friend. these things can all coexist." she follows me outside and waits for me to lock up the store before we head to our cars.

"i guess." i sigh and throw my things in my passenger seat. "i'll see you tomorrow?"

"yep. i'll be there." she salutes with a smile and then gets into her car.

we both drive away to our respective homes. she lives on the opposite side of town as i do, in a cute little house with her husband and their daughter. she's only seven years older than me and she only started working at the restaurant a few months ago, but i already like her more than any of my other coworkers.

i started this job the week i turned sixteen and moved up to manager shortly after turning eighteen back in december. it's not the best or anything and i don't want to do it forever by any means, but it pays the bills and the work isn't hard, so i settle and try not to complain about the way my car permanently smells like a kitchen and the dark circles that never leave their place under my eyes.

when i get home, i lock my door behind me and leave my backpack on the couch. i go straight to my bedroom and change out of my work clothes before lying down. i don't have any homework since today was only the first day and i'm not going to waste the opportunity to get some extra sleep while i can.

-

"you have mr. dun?" sydney asks, her eyes wide. "sarah said he's hot as fuck. i haven't even seen him yet. is he hot? you're so lucky."

"i mean, i dunno. he's not, like, unattractive." i shrug, knowing my answer isn't good enough for her.

i hadn't thought of him that way though. why would i?

"he's hot," emily chimes in from where she sits to the left of me. "i can confirm. i have that class with tyler."

"why does it matter if he's hot?"

"you are such a buzzkill!" sydney laughs a little, throwing a chip at me. "you are still eighteen, ty. it's okay to act like a teenager sometimes."

"alas, i don't have time for that." i bring my hand to my forehead for dramatic effect. "i am doomed to be the responsible one forever."

"designated dad friend." emily nudges my side with her elbow, small smile on her lips.

"more like daddy friend." sydney winks at me, which effectively ruins emily's sentiment.

"ew. i absolutely hated that. and i hate you. this is why i'm gay."

"shut up!" she laughs again and it takes her a moment to catch her breath this time. "you love me. both of you do. we all love each other. we're a happy little family."

"sure..."

"you're an ass." emily laughs too and then stacks her trash onto my tray.

"yes, such a happy family."

the bell rings and i take all of our trash to the bin before coming back to grab my bag. emily and i say goodbye to sydney and then walk together to mr. dun's classroom together.

she sits next to me in the back and we talk quietly for a bit while the rest of our class slowly comes in.

when the tardy bell rings and mr. dun comes to stand in front of the class, i take a moment to look at him, to really look at him.

he's wearing gray slacks and a white button-down, but he's also wearing black converse sneakers. his shoes are new and clean and i find myself wondering if he bought them specifically for the job. converse never stay that nice for long. his hair is a mess of dark brown curls on his head and he runs a hand through it absentmindedly. i watch the way his arm moves when he does so, the way he paces back and forth as he speaks.

i definitely see the appeal.

i tune back into what he's saying when i've finished my short assessment.

"there will hardly ever be any real prompt and i won't ever read them unless you ask me to. it's just good to start the class with that writing time, to ease your brains back into work-mode after lunch."

i guess we'll be journaling for this class. i feel like i vaguely remember reading that on the syllabus, but i'm not sure.

"we'll start that tomorrow so just try to remember and pick up a notebook of some sort if you don't have one," he continues. his voice is soft and smooth but still has some rasp to it, like the way an album crackles quietly when played on vinyl. it's nice to listen to and i hope he lectures often.

shit.

it's already starting. the second i let myself think about him, the second i let any sort of thoughts come up, they start to creep in when i don't want them to. i feel my chest grow tight at just the idea of this continuing for the entire school year.

this is why i don't date. i don't have time for a relationship. i jack off in the shower and go to bed and that's that.

if i start daydreaming, if i lose focus, if my grades slip, if i lose my job... i don't even want to think about what would happen. i'm eighteen now, which means legally, i wouldn't have to go back to my father. that is, if they could even find him. but i could lose my apartment. i could lose any chance of a scholarship to get into college, and that's my one ticket out of here. i can go out of state somewhere, be far away from him. i can reestablish myself and start fresh. it's my only opportunity to make something of myself, to be more than this.

it all seems so dramatic, like i'm overreacting even in my own head. but i have worked hard to get to where i am, and i did it alone.

i don't need anyone.

(an: i got married today!)