It's Lust, Not Love

Part 30

Ana’s POV

Lewis had a new girlfriend? Rowland had to be messing around, playing a joke on me. I searched his face for any traces of amusement but found none. He was serious. Lewis had moved on. Put on your brave face, Ana. You were moving on too. But now I realized I hadn’t been moving on; I was trying to fill the void Lewis had left. And to think I had myself convinced he really loved me…

“Don’t cry, Ana. He isn’t worth your tears.” I hadn’t even noticed the hot tears pouring down my face till Rowland pointed them out.

“But you’re wrong! He is worth my tears; every single tear! I just thought—I really thought he…” I couldn’t admit the thought out loud; that Lewis had just played me.

“Ana, he doesn’t know how to love. He is incapable of it.” Was this Rowland’s way of comforting me? Because it wasn’t working, not at all.

“Lewis listened to me and comforted me and cared for me and it was so fun, so real! How did he just get over me like that? Why can’t I get over him that easily?” I was in hysterics now, I knew, but I couldn’t stop myself. I had tried to hold myself together for the past couple months, but this was my breaking point. I never thought a guy could do this to me.

“Maybe you can’t get over him because you won’t let yourself.” I stared, confused, at Rowland. What was he going on about now? “You’ve been trying to pretend like you still had a relationship with Lewis, but he hasn’t. He’s been out having fun with girls. Maybe you need to try having fun with a guy.”

And then Rowland kissed me roughly, pushing me against my front door. I let myself kiss him back, thinking over what he said. Could Rowland really help me get over Lewis? Did I want to get over Lewis? Deep down, I knew the answer to that question; No, I wanted to be with Lewis, and I wasn’t going to be happy with anyone else. Lewis was my first love, and my last. With Rowland all I felt was lust, and that wasn’t enough. I wanted, no, I needed Lewis, and I had to come to terms with that.

I pushed Rowland off me with all the force I could muster, almost making him fall backwards. His dark green eyes were filled with hurt, and his jaw was clenched in anger. This couldn’t be good…

“What is wrong with you, Ana?” He blew up at me, screaming in my face. “Am I not good enough for you?”

“Lewis—“                                                                                                                                          

“Lewis left you! He left you and moved to Australia, but even if I tell you he has a girlfriend you still love him! Well, what about me? Throughout this whole damn mess, I’ve been the one who was always there for you, a shoulder to cry on. I took your mind off Lewis, we had fun together! You know I like you, so why can’t you like me back?” What was I supposed to say to that?

“I didn’t know you still felt like that, Rowland. I had no idea… But I’m sorry, I really do love Lewis. I can’t just replace him with you or anyone else. I’ve always thought of you as a friend, never anything more.” Rowland looked like he was about to punch something, but he contented himself with kicking the wall of my house and swearing.

“Lewis always got the best girls.” He said, almost talking to himself. “He had a relationship with Cara and with you, and all I got was sex. I told Lewis you really liked me, but he didn’t believe me, and I guess he was right. Girls are just bitches and teases and just stupid. That’s what you are. Even when you thought he had a girlfriend, that he had replaced you, you still loved him. You’re just so stupid!” I gaped at him in shock. Did he just say what I thought he said?

“When I thought he had a girlfriend? Does Lewis have a girlfriend or not, Rowland. Did you lie to me?” I didn’t make a move. I just waited for him to answer. Rowland took a while before answering, but when he finally did, he hung his head in shame.

“Yes, I lied to you.” Lewis wasn’t just a player then, he was still mine! Still mine in Australia, maybe, but he was still mine!

“Did you lie about the letter not having a return address? Did it? Rowland, you have to tell me what it is!”

Rowland told me reluctantly.

“Rowland, if you’ve told him any lies about me, you have to tell him you were lying, and that I love him and miss him, ok?” He nodded, still looking angry. “And I’m going to read what you write and watch you mail it, ok?” He nodded again. Maybe things would turn out alright if Lewis still loved me and I still loved him, but he was still in Australia, and I was still stuck in California. Life’s a bitch, sometimes.

Dear Lewis,

I’m sorry I told you Ana has a boyfriend; she doesn’t. She told me to tell you she loves you and misses you. She also says “No distance will change her feelings for you, ever”. She’s watching me write this letter right now, in fact. If you send any more letters, I promise to give them to Ana and let her write a reply, and then I’ll mail it back to that Melbourne address.

Ana sends her love.

Sincerely,

Rowland

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Hey guys! Hey hey heyyyyy!!! I'm so excited; this story has over 10,000 reads and its almost in the 200's on the What's Hot list! And there is only one more chapter :( But I'm posting my new story "Dear Diary, It's Marilyn" today. Please check it out, and also check out my other story "Our Seven Deadly Sins". Thanks you guys<3