Who would have thought

11

It had worked. He had actually pulled it off. He couldn't believe that he pulled it off but he did. The patient was going to live and probably be fine, or maybe be fine. There was still moderating to be done but that was okay. The surgery had worked. And now he was exhausted. Fighting during surgery was more draining than he had imagined it would be.

He still couldn't believe how angry he had gotten with her, how much she had disrespected him in his OR, which actually didn't bother him as much as the fact she still had no idea how bad she had been, how much at fault she had been for their relationship's demise. That blew his mind. Actually, it didn't blow his mind so much as force his blood pressure back up as he tried not to think about it.

He had come to terms with things years ago, he had realized that it hadn't been entirely her fault, that maybe he hadn't been there as much as he could have been. But Meredith had been the one who really tore it down and she didn't even see it. She still saw him as the ass that walked away. It was insane. It was completely crazy that she didn't see how she had shut down on him.

He had tried to stick around. He had tried to be the great boyfriend who could withstand everything and anything, but she had shut down. She had pulled away. She had all but forced him to walk away from her. She didn't want him with her, she hadn't wanted him to be there for her. But somehow, she was using that against him in fights now. Turning the situation completely.

He wanted the fights to stop, he wanted to be able to work with her and get through the year but obviously that wasn't happening. Nothing close to that was happening which was an issue. One he didn't know how to stop. He couldn't figure out how to be in the same room with her and want to do anything but scream at her. About everything and anything. It wasn't even healthy.

But she just seemed to pick and pick. He got in a room with her and immediately he wanted to scream at her. He wanted to shake her. He wanted to fight with her until she came around and admitted what she had done to him, to them. But instead she fought back. She fought hard and with the spark he had always loved when he had first met her, except now it was annoying.

It was good the sparks were back, he knew that. On some level he was thrilled that she was communicating, thrilled that she seemed like she actually had some emotions besides the comatose woman he had been with years ago. He just wished it wasn't toward him, that he could just work with her and go home at night and not have all the screaming in between.

"So I heard."

"What?" Derek frowned at Addison.

"I heard about what happened in your surgery," Addison frowned, putting her chart done. "The whole hospital has probably heard by now. I actually heard it from the coffee cart guy."

"What happened...the fight with Meredith?" Derek sighed.

"And you kicking her out of the surgery."

"I can't cut with her," Derek shook his head.

"Derek," Addison sighed.

"Addie, I can't," he sighed. "I wanted to, I just...can't."

"You're going to have to learn," Addison pointed out. "You can't keep doing this, Derek. You can't yell at her in the OR."

"Do you think I wanted to?"

"You didn't stop yourself."

"I can't," Derek groaned. "I went into it knowing I couldn't yell a her. I told myself not to, I was all set not to...and then, it just explodes."

"It can't explode, Derek," Addison shook her head. "You can't keep yelling at her in ORs, Derek. Or the hallways. Or anywhere in this hospital. I know there are things that need to be said, but take her to your land...you can't yell at her here. You're her boss."