Who would have thought

16

She was not going to cry. She wasn't even sure why she wanted to cry but she wasn't going to. She had had a lot of fights with Derek and that had been an okay one. Except for they had been getting along and laughing and things had been good. For once she didn't want to hide from him and still they ended up yelling at each other. And now she wanted to cry, which was insane.

Crying did not make sense. She was a doctor, she was Meredith...yes there were definitely times she cried after her and Derek fought. Not often, just when they were really, really bad and they had had a lot of really really bad fights in the past couple weeks. But now the chief knew. The chief knew and Derek had gotten so angry so fast and...now she wanted to cry.

Which she wasn't going to. She couldn't. She had patients to see. And Webber was probably already to kill her and Derek, and if she put off seeing patients because she was crying that would be bad. She had to stop this. They had fought. It happened. He'd apologize or she would apologize and then they would probably end up fighting again. It was their cycle.

It was just a really bad cycle. Because she wasn't going to lose her job over the fact that she was fighting with her attending. Fighting for no good reason except sometimes Derek was such an ass and...she couldn't lose her job over that. So there couldn't be any more fights. She had a year to deal with this. A year to get past the constant fighting and then she'd go be an attending somewhere and leave it at that.

"Meredith..." his soft voice came from behind her.

Fuck. She wasn't ready to see him. Not after that fight. She wasn't ready to see him and talk to him and probably fight again. She quickly wiped her eyes and turned quickly to face him. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Mer..." he sighed, smiling softly. "We need to talk."

"No," she shook her head, suddenly wondering if a random attending could fire her from the program or if the chief had to do it. Maybe the chief was too busy and he had asked Derek to do it. That was a possibility. "I know...I know that was bad and it was the chief and now he knows but we don't need to talk because I'm here. I'm here and I left a lot to be here and I can't just leave and..."

"Leave?" he frowned slightly. "Why would you leave?"

"Because fellows probably get fired for yelling at attendings," she sighed. "Attendings are bosses and fellows aren't and they probably get in trouble and fired for yelling at attendings and the chief saw it and heard it and...I'm not leaving. I'm not. I'll stop yelling, I'll even let you yell at me...well I won't but I'll try and I'm not leaving. I'm definitely not leaving. I have a year."

"Actually...if you want...you have a lot more than a year," he shrugged. "Congrats."

"Con...what?" Meredith frowned, staring at him.

"Webber wants us to stop yelling. Because he wants you to stay on as an attending."

"He..." she breathed, suddenly feeling strangely light headed. "He wants me to stay on? He wants me to stay on as an attending? Here? At Seattle Grace?"

"He does," Derek smiled lightly.

"Seriously? I mean, you're not....seriously?"

"Seriously," he laughed softly.

"Oh..." she breathed, reaching behind her to balance herself against the wall. She was staying on at Seattle Grace. She had kind of hoped, not a lot of hope, Seattle Grace was one of the best hospitals in the country, a top trauma center, it's neuro department was completely...she had hoped. She had hoped but she didn't actually think and it wasn't time for those decisions to be made. But she was staying. She was staying at Seattle Grace.