Episode 17

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There are only three people who can truly understand him

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There are only three people who can truly understand him. First, he, himself. Second, Soobin. Third, Hueningkai. But there's no way he can give comfort to himself and Soobin's out of question because they're currently in war over a stupid project plan. And this leaves him with Hueningkai, his young friend who grew up chasing after him and Soobin.

Beomgyu's not getting any better. In fact, he has been feeling worse. Stressed. He's extremely stressed and he needs a way out. What he needed wasn't sex or pleasure. What he truly needed was comfort, attention and affection from someone. Having drowned himself in work, and focusing on Taehyun, Beomgyu had failed to look after his own mental health. He feels wronged, neglected and deprived of the comfort he's seeking for. The comfort Yeonjun and Taehyun had given him wasn't what he was looking for. The hole in his heart only grew bigger by the day until he finally breaks and invites Hueningkai over.

Hueningkai isn't the best with words, but he's a great listener and he'll be able to give Beomgyu what he needs. He'll be able to understand.

So when Hueningkai stepped into the house, Beomgyu immediately threw himself onto his younger friend, burying his face into his shoulder without saying a single word.

The tall blonde instinctively wraps his arms around his hyung, giving him some back rubs and headpats before asking him what was wrong.

"I'm just tired" Beomgyu pulls away and looks up at the younger with an exhausted smile. "Drink?"

"Yeah sure" Hueningkai returns the smile and follows Beomgyu up the stairs. Instead of going to his bedroom, Hueningkai finds himself in the music room with a glass of wine in his hand.

"Is Taehyun not home today?" the younger asks curiously.

"I don't know" Beomgyu shrugs and pours himself a glass of wine as well.

Frowning, Hueningkai immediately senses something extremely wrong. "I know something's wrong... tell me about it, hyung."

Gulping down his red wine in one go, Beomgyu lets out a satisfied sigh before turning to look at his friend, "I'm tired."

"I know..." Hueningkai watches with concern as the older pours more into his glass.

"Tired of everything" Beomgyu says as he sets a plate of crackers on the piano keys. "No one looked at me. No one. I'm tired of giving and receiving nothing in return. I'm desperate, Kai-ah. That night, I didn't go out drinking looking for fun and sex. I just wanted to relieve some stress by drinking, to look for comfort from someone because no one would fucking give it to me. One thing just led to another and that's how I ended up on an unfamiliar bed with a stranger beside me. I swear I wasn't looking pleasure even if I was sexually frustrated. I was just desperate for comfort, for some physical touches. I felt guilty and dirty, hell, I feel guilty and dirty even now, but why... why did everyone overlook the actual problem I'm having. All they said was that it was alright for me because I was sexually frustrated and there was nothing wrong in what I did. Disappointment and hate directed at me. Only forgiving me because I'm Choi Beomgyu."

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