I don't blame you. I never did.

Part 24 - Let's Face It.

Buckys pov

Steve had mentioned that y/n wasn't too hungry so that's why she wasn't present at dinner. I was going to go and sit with her but Steve informed me that Sam was keeping her company. Of course, I will never admit it, but I did feel a twinge of jealousy when he said Sam was with y/n and not me. Why did she asks Sam to stay with her instead of me?

I was on my way up to bed and decided to go check on y/n before going to my own room. I knocked on her door but was met with silence. I thought she might be asleep so I went to open her door and soon realised it was locked. That raised a little concern for me.

I decide to go and check with Sam to see if he knows how or where y/n is. I knock on his door and I once again receive silence. I opened the door to find it empty. "Sam ?" I questioned gazing around the room. "Damnit Sam!" I more so shout this time as I slam his door towards the walls causing it to ricochet back to me.

Nat opens her door from behind me peering her head off of the door. "Bucky, hey what's wrong?" She asks me stepping closer. "Sam was with y/n and now I can't find either of them and y/n has locked her door." I explain to her. "I'm sure they are both okay Bucky, it's up to you what you wanna do now, if you wanna wait til morning or break her door, your call." She tells me fully supporting either decision I'd make.

"I can't risk something happening to her Nat" I tell her, voice full of concern. "Then let's go." She tells me as we start walking back over to the other side of the hall to y/n's room. We got to her door and Nat kicked it open, she kicked it because she knew I'd probably take the door of its hinges and not just break the lock.

The door swings open, still intact just a broken lock. There she is, there they both are. They are spread out together on the floor, both of them out cold. It was nice seeing y/n peaceful and asleep. But I couldn't help feel that pang of jealousy again. Seeing her lay there with Sam and not me.

They both had a bottle of practically empty alcohol in a hand each with more empty bottles scattered around the floor. I was going to clear up a little bit for her but Nat told me it would probably be best if we just let them be. At least she was finally sleeping I suppose.

We left them be before closing the door again. I left a little note in front of her door on the inside saying...

'sorry about your lock, I was worried
About you and wanted to make sure
You were okay so I may have broke
Your lock, sorry doll.
Bucky.'

I made my way back to my room after bidding Nat a goodnight. I got into bed and lay in silence staring at the ceiling in my own thought for a while before drifting to sleep.

Y/n's pov.

I awoke from my sleep with a jolt, I was sweating a little and my breathing was on edge. It took me a minute to gather my surroundings, but I soon reassured myself I was okay and it was just a shitty nightmare from my time at hydra.

I look at my phone and see the time is 3:00am. Sam is still passed out on the floor, I quietly giggle to myself at the sight. There is no point in my trying to go back to sleep, I knew I wouldn't be able to.

I got up and quietly grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom to get changed. I wore matching black leggings and top sports set.

By this point I didn't care if people saw my scars anymore, everyone has their own, they just prove I'm stronger than I thought I was. Before I left my room I found a note at my door. It was from Bucky, it makes a smile slip across my face while reading it. It was nice to know he cared, and at least he didn't smack me in the face while breaking my door, that was a plus.

I tiptoed my way down to the kitchen making sure I didn't wake anyone in the process. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before heading down to the training room. I decided now would be a good time to let it all out, everything I have been holding, bottled up inside me. Now was a good of time as any.

The training room was quite far down in the tower so I knew I wouldn't be waking anyone up while training. I ask Friday to play some music for me, in which she did.

I decided to just use the punching bag, I needed to let everything out and beating the shit out of a punching back seemed the best way to go.

I did indeed punch the crap out of the punching bag. I let everything go, everything I was holding in. I expressed it all to the hanging bag in front of me.

I finally stopped assaulting the bag when I saw some blood dripping from my knuckles and a slight tear in the bag. I check the time and see it's almost 6:00am. People would be waking up soon, most of them wake up round 7:00am ish to train or run. Apart from one person who starts cooking breakfast ready for everyone at 8:00am.

It was Tonys turn to cook today. That means he cooks breakfast and dinner for everyone, unless it's unanimously decided that we order takeout or something for dinner instead. Everyone made their own lunch as of when they please.

I decided not to stay down here any longer. I still didn't particularly want to talk to anyone. I gathered my things and instructed Friday to stop the music as I left.

I got back to my room and saw Sam still asleep in the same spot as he was when I left. I smile to myself and shake my head as I grab some clothes out of my draw and head into the bathroom. I got in the shower to wash the sweat from my body.

I get dressed into some blue ripped jeans and a plain white short sleeved T-shirt. I leave the bathroom and start cleaning up around Sam a little bit. I didn't want to disturb him so I grabbed a book and went in the corner of my bed. I stared out of the window at the streets of New York for a little bit before leaning on the wall next to the window, reading my book, occasionally glancing up and viewing the sights again.

I knew I had to face the others eventually but I really didn't want to. I didn't want to tell them anything. Granted, I wasn't planning on telling them anything. I sure al hell wasn't going to tell them about my abilities, the last thing I wanted was to be sent for more test, more needles and medical rooms.

I'm not prepared for that. Not yet.

And I didn't want to see Bucky, he hasn't done anything wrong by any means. I just feel guilty, I can't look at him without feeling bad. Trying to get the information out of me, hydra reminded me of everything they did to Bucky, telling me how it was my fault. I couldn't bare to see the guilt that I know will be present on his face. I know for sure it will be clearly showing on my face, I didn't want him to see me like that.

Let's face it, Buckys better off without me anyway.