Mahogany Blues

13

Sabrina woke up from her deep slumber as she realized where she was. Journeying out of South London towards the outskirts of the city, she finally plucked the courage to arrive at her father's doorstep, armed with varied emotions.

The ageing man couldn't be happier that his only child had made the journey, he was aware that she hadn't quite forgiven herself for what happened.

No words were spoken as they hugged each other and for the first time in a while, she let a real cry out, wetting his pyjamas.

Now here she lay in her childhood bed, thinking about how long it had been since she had a sleep this good. She figured being here might cause her issues but instead, it was giving her the peace she so craved when she left the house in the first place.

Coming out of bed, she used her en-suite to clean up before making her way to the kitchen where her dad was dishing out some breakfast on two plates. He gestured for her to sit down next to him in the cozy dining spot overlooking the small garden.

Her mother's domineering picture just happened to be right in her line of vision, as usual with no smile in tow. Her mother wasn't the most affectionate person, it was hard to reason with her or even harder to get her to compromise on anything. Truly a miracle that her dad married her, but she still questioned that.

" How's the author thing?" Her father asked, digging into the food.

" It's going well, in the middle of a book tour, right now." Averting her eyes, she focused on her food.

"Hmmm, well I'm happy that you are doing something you enjoy"

"Thanks, Dad, that means a lot"

"I'll be visiting your mother's grave. Would you like to join me?"

" Today??? On your birthday of all days??? I don't know about that" Sabrina felt uncertain about this whole situation. She was hoping to get some quality time with her dad only before whizzing back home.

" You haven't visited since her funeral. It's been over a decade, sweetheart. It's not your fault" He grabbed her hand gently, caressing it with his thumb.

" Dad, it's just so hard. I don't think I can" Tears shed from her eyes and he wiped them off.

" You cannot let guilt take over you like this, you must try to let go"

" I know"

After their heart-to-heart, she reconciled with the fact that she had to face this before going home. As they approached the cemetery,  the guilt came running back and she was starting to regret coming in the first place.

They walked somberly towards the headstone that read ' Mary Appiah, Loving Wife, and Mother lay here'.

She was a mother alright but Sabrina could not agree with her being loving, that simply wasn't who she was.

She looked at the eroded edges and the imposing image of her. It was crazy how she made an impact even though she was dead.

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Mary didn't grow up in an affectionate household and that translated when she married Sabrina's father, Kwame, and had her.

It was like Sabrina could never do anything right even when she tried her hardest. She would undergo punishments that were humiliating and subjected to such a lack of affection at a young age.

She all smiles when she was in people's faces when they went out as a family but was bitter towards them behind closed doors.

It all came crashing down for her when Sabrina turned 11. She wanted to hang out with her friends but her mother declared there was no need for that and that chores needed to be completed.

Young Sabrina was in disbelief since her father promised she could go and heeding that, she defied her mother and ran down the stairs to go and see her friends.

Her mother wasn't having that, running after the quick-footed girl but she missed her footing on one of the steps and tumbled the rest of the way, breaking her neck instantly.

Sabrina figured she only tripped but the young girl wasn't prepared for the horrific scene before her. Her mother's neck hung to the side with bruises adorning her arms and her Ghanaian print dress illuminated the blood that began to pour out of her snapped ankle.

The rest of the day was a blur as her father cradled her whilst weeping for his wife. The young girl couldn't so much as conjure even a single tear, still in complete shock over what happened.

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It took a lot of work to get Sabrina to where she was today and at 29, despite her anxieties over her mother, she was the happiest she had ever been. After the visit, she had a strange feeling come over her as her father parked in the driveway: relief, and for that, she was happy.

Her goodbye to her father was less sombre, she promised to visit very soon and he was content with just hearing that.

As she finally got back to her place, she laughed confusingly at the sight of Mena and Azani standing at her ground flat.

" Erm, why you hoes here?" Sabrina cocked her to the side.

" Got invited to a VIP event, very hush-hush. I need you guys there so you can't say no, ok" Azani mentioned with a pleading look in her eyes.

Sabrina rolled her eyes as she opened her door, letting them in. She walked to her spacious room while the motion sensor lights came on.

The girls sat on the bed whilst Sabrina opened her wardrobe and turned to them:

"What am I wearing then?"

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Another chapter for you!

Enjoy and let me know your thoughts.

Love, Tam xx