It's Just Ann

Chapter 9 - Humiliation

Glossary of the Chapter:

Gomen: "Sorry"

-:-:-

We're shooting the last scene of the day so far so good. The actors and everyone else have done a great work and it's exciting. Everyone is filled with energy and it feels like we'll conquer the world. But in this particular scene with Zoe and Gareth there's something I don't like. I know they are just following Jerry's-the director-instructions, even if it doesn't seem quite right. Before they even start shooting I can see Gareth's reluctance to do as Jerry commands him, knowing that showing that much interest in one of the first scenes is too soon. They are shooting scene teen and it's just too soon for Sasha to show his undying love for Lana. Jerry seems to want to reinforce the love story when it's not the most important thing in the books. I mean, Sasha and Lana don't even get together in the first book.

Zoe messes her line so Jerry cries cut and they know they have to shoot it again, so I take this chance to make my input.

"Jerry," I call, walking up to him and he looks at me with those cold brown eyes and the grimace is back on his face. "Don't you think you're pushing too much the romance? I believe it is too soon to have them looking at each other that way. Besides, Typhoon isn't a love story."

"Excuse me?" he says, raising his voice and causing people around us to stop and start paying attention. I wanted to do this more quietly, but that doesn't seem to be his plan. "Are you criticising my view? And who are you to do that?" I know he knows I'm the producer and basically who hired him, but that is not what he means. I have that clear. "I'm an awarded director, I know what I'm doing better than a little girl like you. I know more about this industry than you could ever dream to know. This is my film and I'll make a success of it like I always do."

With every word he says I feel more and more insignificant because he is shouting to the world I am as inexperienced as a kid. He's putting me in my place in front of everyone, with an authoritative tone and entirely belittling me. I look around with widen eyes, feeling the horror draining the blood from my veins when I notice all the pair of eyes on me, watching me with a wide range of emotions. From pity to disgust and indifference. I stop on Gareth for a bit longer just to see his slightly shocked expression and a disgusted grimace.

I can't make eye contact with everyone and I take a deep breath, knowing I have to say something, to defend myself.

"I know that and I respect you, I just thought-"

"You thought?!" he mimics me in such a mocking tone that it makes me cringe. "Your thoughts have no weight here. I won't be told by a kid what to do. You can't tell me how to do my job. Don't play to be an adult and go back home. We'll do our job without you roaming around and pretending to be someone you're not."

I can't even breathe when I hear him, his hurtful words and that look in his eyes. The force of his disdain makes me take a few steps back and my hands are shaking. So far almost everyone has looked at me with the thoughts Jerry just uttered, but no one has actually treated me like this. I actually feel hated and like my whole existence insults him.

"Gomen... I mean, I-I'm sorry," I mumble because I don't know what else to say and I feel stupid for using Japanese first, but that's the language that comes out. "I... I didn't meant to-"

"Just let me do my job in peace, don't interfere," he cuts me off again and my hands shake more violently this time, but I try to hide them.

He turns to face the actors again and I can't look at them or anyone else. I can't face anyone right now and I feel like running away, but I can't move. I stay there, looking at my feet and trying to calm down. I put my hands together and squeeze them tightly, my knuckles going white and I barely catch the soft whisper that calls my name. It's Teru, I can recognise his voice, besides he's the only one to use honourifics with me. I look at him and try to smile, to reassure him I'm fine but he's blurry, which means my eyes are teary so I look away immediately. I need to pull myself together before I face someone, but I still feel people staring at me so I turn around and with trembly steps, I leave.