It's Just Ann

Chapter 11 - Awkward

Cece has become my friend, a really close friend, I would even dare say he's my best friend. In these two weeks we've been on set, we're always together. He cheers me up every time I have some issue even if it's not exactly my problem. I just feel that every situation that arises is my responsibility and I should fix it immediately, even if it's not like that, even if said situation falls into the experts' hands, I still feel troubled and it is Cece the one that always calms me down and reminds me that I did enough by making sure capable people are working for this production.

I'm so grateful he's here.

Even though Teru helps me enormously, guiding me through every aspect and being my main supporter, it is different to have someone to really talk about everything, even a celebrity crush. With Cece I can talk about the production itself and the next minute about how marvelled I am at Gareth Maddox's acting skills.

Cece carefully listened to me when I told him about that first time I talked to Gareth and how he was actually nice. He teased me, though, saying I was acting like a excited fangirl and I didn't take offence in that. Like, how could I not react like that when the celebrity of the moment just talked to me and said he was on my side?

"Okay, I admit it. I'd be fangirling too if he had talked to me and said that," Cece said that time in his most flamboyant mannerism, just to make me laugh.

I've learnt about him that he likes to play with people's prejudices. They expect from him to be this extremely flamboyant and fashion-driven gay guy, and although he is gay, he's just a guy. But he likes playing or acting like people think he should act for being a makeup artist. That amuses him because he knows they are just so narrow-minded that they label people without even knowing them, so he jumps from one label to the other as he pleases. That's what he explained to me, at least.

Cece is just such an interesting person, open-minded and carefree, mature and childish at the same time, just the perfect balance. He has the wisdom of an older person but he still has the spirit of a teenager and that's why we get along so well. He doesn't treat me like a kid or someone ten years younger than him but as his equal and considering where I am right now, that's exactly what I need.

He's also helped me with my job because whilst I'm here on set, I still have to have meetings with other investors and or shareholders of the company. Not because I'm producing this film I can neglect TP. Teru is with me in every meeting that we have through video-call, but Cece makes sure that before any of these I look at least thirty. He does the makeup and chooses my outfits so when people see me they can ignore the fact they are talking to a seventeen-year-old girl and focus on business solely.

I do not have much time to enjoy with Cece or anything else as I'm constantly working, catching up with everything and basically learning the business whilst keeping an eye on everything that is happening. It's so draining and I don't know if it is always like this or it is being harder on me because I'm not just working, I'm also learning everything. This is my training and my debut at the same time.

Just now I finished a meeting with for a few contracts we are drawing with some investors from the States and it was a tiresome meeting that didn't even ended in something definitive. We'll have to keep discussing the terms and I'll probably have to travel if Father's health doesn't recover soon and enough to allow him to fly overseas to sign this contract, if i manage to get it.

I'm exhausted. Beyond exhausted. I was three hours there, just discussing, bargaining and just trying to convince them that investing on us is the wisest choice they can make.

I swear if I could go back in time and just be your average teenager I would do it. Entering the working world of adults is terrifying. And I don't think it would've been less worrisome if I had done this after college, for instance, because even if you prepare yourself to be part of this world, you're never ready. It always feels like diving into a pool of trained sharks with your only weapon being a stick. That is what it feels when you start taking responsibility not only for yourself but the place you work at. I really want to go back to the time where my only worry was studying and not disappointing Father any further. Those were the times.