Here, Under the Stars

CHAPTER 33

-- MAGUI --

I told Ashi to stay with my mom as my brother and I went to what I thought was his building. We climbed to the rooftop and watched the sun since it was about to set.

"I always envied you, Magui." Kuya started talking without looking at me. "You were always dad's favorite. The only child he loves."

"You know that's not true. You're a troubled child." I also refused to look at him.

I want to cry but my eyes felt dry. I've cried a lot for the past decade, I could probably fill the whole ocean. Minsan pakiramdam ko ubos na ubos na ko pero mayroon pa rin pala. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

"Because I always protected you." He said which made me look at him. "Even though I'm jealous of you, I love you. You're still my baby sister."

I remembered this one time were a bully snatched my ice cream and tossed it in my head. Kuya was so mad that he punched the bully so hard that he went home with a black eye. Dad was furious at kuya but he said he doesn't regretted it because no one was allowed to hurt his sister.

There was also this one time when I had to sing in front of a lot of people. I was chosen to represent our class but I was too scared. Kuya went up the stage, held my hand, and sang with me while strumming his guitar. Kuya was the real musician in the family. He's the one who taught me how to play the guitar.

I also remember the time when we went for a swim and I almost drowned. Kuya jumped in the pool and saved me even if he drowned in return. He was always there to save me. He was the best big brother anyone could ask for.

"Then why did you leave me, kuya?" I finally started to tear up again.

Kuya made me lay on his shoulders as he stroked my back.

"Mama told me that we're going on a vacation. Noong tinanong ko kung bakit hindi ka kasama, sabi niya ayaw mo daw kasi kamamatay lang ni daddy. Days turned to weeks, ayaw pa ring umuwi ni mama. She started drinking and wasting all our money. That time, I was a college student. Lumaki ako sa yaman kaya hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. A few more weeks have passed, she introduced me to my real dad. I convinced her to get you pero ayaw niya." He told me his side of the story.

"Then why didn't you look for me noong kaya mo na?"

"I did, Magui. I didn't know where you live or who you are with but I looked for you. Hindi kita mahanap. I didn't stop until we figured out that you're a rising artist. Ever since you released your first single, I was always there to cheer for my baby sister." He answered.

"Bakit hindi ka nagpapakita?" I asked one more time.

"You're happy and successful, Magui. I didn't want to take that from you."

We were silent for a very long time. It was already dark and the wind was already making us cold. Kuya took of his sweater and handed it to me. I wore it before laying back in his shoulders.

"I missed you so much, kuya." I whispered to him.

"I'm sorry, bunso. Namiss ka rin ni kuya." He hugged me from the side. "Sana mapatawad mo rin si mama sa mga pagkukulang niya sa'yo."

"What made mama change her mind?" I asked, confused.

One minute, I wasn't her daughter but suddenly I am? It's so good to be true.

"Mama had a miscarriage. It was a baby girl." Kuya answered.

"We have a sister?" I asked him.