I feel like a clown sometimes, 🤡 like I keep going in synonymous circles and yet not. I feel ok, and then I don't. Excited and then deflated. Ready to kick it off and then just tired. All confident, then nervous. But not surprising though, it's the last week of June hence all the pressure.
The first half of the year is down, and the second half is right at the door, then there's me still going round and round.
Do I belong everywhere or to a specific place? Am I a total sum of everything around me or am I disconnected from everything or maybe most importantly, am I all that together?
I've been encountering the so-called impostor syndrome. Some time back, I thought it was some mumbled-up nonsense, but of course, I judged too quickly. Having a grip on yourself is the task force of adulting. I pinched myself severally just to check if I was still there. It's the strangest thing and yet not strange at all. Life got me going crazy.
It's on a Thursday morning, I need to be settled by the time the weekend's rolling out. I've been saying the same thing for the past weekends but this got to be it, Lydia. I've done all I can, pushed myself more than I have before, spoken out more, availed myself more, accommodated more, wrote more, read more, studied more, prayed more, cried more, and lived more intentionally than I have before.
I know that am in the process and grateful to the Lord that I know this lest I crumble. I'm just feeling the heat since I am right in the making, but I know in retrospect this season will be meaningful to me.
Thank you, Lord, for this season, for all the good and the bad, for the abundant blessings and the challenges, for the highs and the lows, for the sisters around me, for the ones that have held my hand, and the ones that I held theirs, for what I could do and what I couldn't. You Lord remain the same in everything, a solid rock, and a mighty foundation. Thank you for being close to me, this season. For walking with me, and for drawing me closer when I wandered.
You lord have remained a constant throughout. Thank you my father that's in heaven for who You are. A light in the darkness, a soft breeze in the evening, beauty in nature, serenity in the morning, and peace when needed. You are my Lord and Savior and Your kingdom reigns forever. Thank you for carrying me through this season and seeing me through it.
Glory and honor be unto you forever and ever, Amen.
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MY JOURNEY HOME: 2022
Non-FictionN/B God Centric Journaling my path home to myself, Navigating through the highs and the lows, Living each day as it comes, Being grateful, Being verbal, Trying to be rational and logical, Keeping my writer-self alive. God, truth, beauty, joy, happi...
