MY JOURNEY HOME: 2022

g. Imposter Syndrome

Early Friday morning, I love mornings. Silence and coffee are the perfect combinations! Thank you, Lord, for a brand new day, for life, for allowing me to see this day. I do not take it for granted, it's a favor and a privilege.
If I thought the month of May was strange, then June is even stranger. I feel so out of control, it is not an easy feeling. I didn't know I was such a control freak. I vehemently refused to accept it, but I am. It had to take someone else to point it out to me, and not politely coz I could hear none.
This is strange and weird how conveniently blind we can be at times. Seeing what we want to see and not what we need to see.
Forgive me oh Lord for being conceited, for not walking in humility, for putting my nose in the air, for thinking I know it all. Thank you, Lord, for allowing these things to come to my knowledge. Thank you, for always wanting the best for me, For being a present father in my life. Now that I know better dear Father, help me do better. It would be a shame to come across wisdom and not take her in. I invite wisdom into my dwellings. Allow her to teach me oh Lord, for your wisdom is life to me.
I'm conflicted, I worry even when I shouldn't. How can I not be worried when there's so much at stake? I know I shouldn't, help me to tone it down.
My father, you are the Lord and master of my life. You know me better than I know me. You know the paths that I am to take. Order my steps oh Lord, and help me walk in humility before your sight.
Let my heart be free of pride and arrogance. You do not like the prideful and haughty.
I'm vulnerable oh Lord, but you do know it. I do feel like an imposter at times, a lot of times. Help me to walk in the fullness of who you created me to be and not shy away from everything you have in store for me.
Just like you said to Joshua, "be of good courage and do not be afraid for I the Lord your God will be with you. I will not leave thee nor forsake you." Help me to be of good courage. Help me to trust in you fully and rely not on my understanding.
I am but a little child, thrown into a big world. But you are a big God, who created the world. I will leave everything in your strong capable hands. You created me, you knew me before I was born and you saw it good to send me down here.
I have a purpose in my life. You know that purpose better than I do. I'm only trying to catch glimpses of you oh Lord, and trying to follow in the footsteps of your only begotten son Jesus Christ who is my Lord and Savior.
Protect my heart dear lord, it is but delicate. Help me make decisions from a place of love and not fear.
I leave everything to you, may your will be done in my life, Amen.