Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 28 ~ Hannah

Chapter 28 ~ Hannah

“I can’t believe today is the day!” Savannah sings as she waltzes around my room, clearly overly excited. I giggle from my bed where I’m seated with my legs crossed as I brush my hair distractedly.

Today is Ed Sheeran’s gig, the one which we have VIP passes for and where we will meet with Harry. I haven’t seen him in a few days, mostly because I went back to classes and he is working hard on the third album.

 And because I’m a coward.

Every time he calls me, I come up with a lame excuse. I say I have something to do, for a class or anything else. I’ve even told him I have to practice with Max for another presentation. The one we did before Christmas for his father’s school was a total success, but we are not booked to do another one yet. It’s just that… It’s really easy to be around Harry, and every day it gets easier, but at the same time difficult. I feel things that I don’t normally feel, things I forgot I could feel. I find myself wishing for things I shouldn’t want. He turns my world upside-down, but at the same time he brings order. All of it is so confusing and I can’t take that much so often. That is why I’ve refused to go out with him though he has asked me to.

Harry has helped me enormously, Savannah, Dad and even Sheila have pointed that out. They say I smile more often, that I seem happier and that I’m more sociable. I still miss my mum, every day and it’s still hard, and I know I’m not only doing this for myself, but also for her. I want to show her that I can move on with my life, that I can live it even if she is not here with me. I’m not that weak, I can do it even if it is hard. And it bloody is. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Opening up to people is not easy after you’ve shut them out for so long.

“I’m scared I’m gonna say something stupid when we meet Ed,” I confess and Savannah turns around to look at me with a goofy smile.

“I wouldn’t worry about that. You should be worry that I may jump on him and kidnap him. I hope you’ll pay the bail when I’m sent to prison.” I laugh at her and soon she jumps on my bed, next to me. “I swear, if Harry weren’t yours, I would totally kiss him. I can’t believe he did this for us.”

“Harry is not mine!” I protest scandalised but my friend only laughs. “I’m being serious!”

“Sure, whatever you say, but you and I both know he’s crazy about you.” I look away because I can’t actually deny that. Harry has made sure that I know how he feels about me. He has told me a couple of times that it’s not his goal to be only my friend, though that’s all I can offer him.

I don’t understand him. I’m barely friend material and he thinks I could be his girlfriend? Impossible! I know I’m working on going back to the girl I was, but let’s be honest: I’ll never be the same girl. I can mend my broken soul, I can heal, but I’ll never be the same. All this has changed me forever. I can’t be anyone’s girlfriend. Not yet, not even remotely soon.

“Plus, I know you, Hannah. I’ve known you forever and I see the difference in your eyes when you talk about him. And truth be told, there’s a reason why he could reach you like no one else did. I don’t think it’s good for you to keep denying that.”

“But you can’t forget that I’m still working on this. I can’t be thinking of a relationship when I can barely consider him my friend,” I refute and she sighs deeply, knowing I’m speaking the truth. “Let’s forget about this for now and just get ready for the gig. I can’t wait to see Ed live again. It has been so long.”

I look down, remembering the last time I went to Ed Sheeran’s gig, for the iTunes Festival, the same day my mum died. Going to his concert gives me this bittersweet feeling, but I guess it’s important that I go, it will show that I can carry on with my life, living those experiences that will remind me of the moment I lost my mother even if it hurts.