A/N
Hey people
How goes it?
So, this chapter is going to be short, but read it anyway.
Don't forget to read the authors note below 😉
Blair's POV
Dear diary,
It's been quite a while. I wish I've written much sooner. It's obvious it's just me and you now. No friends, and definitely no family.
Do you know that feeling, when you are vulnerable the this one person and then you get scared because you don't want to get hurt. But then you try to trust but it's like basically impossible because you're totally broken?
That's exactly how I feel right now.
It hurts that I feel for someone, but it hurts even more knowing that I can't follow the feelings, and not because I have priorities or something, but because I just can't trust.
It hurts so bad that it blends in completely with the pain from my illness.
Miss. Rose convinced dad to let me take an X-ray. Turns out I'm down with pneumonia. It's always hurting because I'm always cold and dad keeps drinking. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I cry. I don't know if I'm just crying because my life's a mess, but I know that whatever the case is , it's really getting to me.
Not only that, but I'm down with ulcer.
I just want to die
I can't remember when last I had an actual meal in this house. I wasn't given any drugs, and even if I was, I won't use them.
Even though I'm too scared to take my own life, I'll happily let the illness take it from me.
Every breath is a reminder that I'm in constant pain. I doubt if I can ever forget though.
Dad and his wife comes up to me every now and then to remind me what pathetic excuse of a person I am, and how I'm a complete waste of space .
I'm in constant pain.
And now, of all moments in my life, I'm getting vulnerable to someone now!!!
PTF
He's never gonna know. I can't have another monster in my life. He has already hurt me once, what's to say he won't do it again?!
Besides, why would he like me?!
I'm useless, a waste of sperm, a mistake of the night, pointless, hopeless.
He only did what he did to remind me of my place.
Love, Blair
I toss my diary under a compartment on the floor and curl up into a ball, hugging my kneels. It rained earlier today. What's to say it won't rain again. I'm so freaking cold.
A/N
So...
What do you think of this?
I wasn't planning on writing today, but I decided to write this just now. It's really really really really really really short.
I know.
But, I just wanted something different because I haven't written Blair's diary since chapter 2. So we have what we have. I'll see you guys in the next chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment.
You are loved, you are beautiful and you are you.
Bläïr änd whïtë
YOU ARE READING
INSIGHT ON MAI DIARY
Teen FictionThe "Please..." I hear her whimper and I go into full panic mode. "Calm down, okay? Deep breaths. Don't hang up. I'll be with you soon. Where are you?" I rush as I grab the car key sitting on the glass table. I run into the garage with my dad behind...
