The Pearl Of Great Price

Chapter 55: Unexpected

Some things in life are just so unexpected there is no way to prepare for them adequately. This is how Her Highness feels talking with her father. Upon entering his chambers, she had no idea what version of him she would find. Would she find a broken shell of a man in grief? Would she find a miserable man pulling through? Would she find an aloof King or an unreliable father? 

All of those things made sense to her. However, what she found was much different. In front of her sits a man she doesn't know anymore— a man attempting to be a father. Nothing could be more evident at that moment than the great divide between them. He is confident and assertive. She is docile and lackluster in the light of him, even in mourning.

He steepled his fingers together, and his brooding eyes beheld her. For once, he saw her. Not another woman in the room. Not some dignitary who needs to be coddled with kid gloves. Not anyone else but his daughter. He also heard the words she spoke and the frustration behind them. Charles is correct. He could very well lose his child. 

So he invited her to "Tell me more, Mary. Let me know how you really feel. I want to know all the hurt inside you towards me." Seeing her unsure face made him say, "Remember, I'm your father. Not the King. Speak freely." He gestured for her to continue with his kingly hand.

Unbelief welled up inside her, along with years of vexation and trouble. To be the best mother she can be to her children and the best wife; then this negativity cannot exist. She must get rid of it. If not for herself, then for the twins, Gillian and Charles. It's time to put this resentment to rest for good.

Like her children are learning to communicate, the art of communication is the first thing a person knows in life. And once letters and words have formed and sentences take shape, communication gets more manageable, or rather, it's supposed to. But then, somewhere along the way, conversation became uncomfortable for Mary. Her words became few, her mind became loud, her eyes became observant, and her ears... well, she listens... a lot.

Her Highness has also learned that being silent is not necessarily good. It's taken her a pretty long time to develop her voice, to put true innermost thoughts to words. It's taken her even longer to have the courage to speak them. And oh, how she wants to express those thoughts out loud. The silence kills. Though she may be quiet, she has a lot to say if only someone will listen. 

If her father truly wants to listen, she will talk. She will tell him the truth and not hide it away or bury it deep inside her heart. So she opened her mouth to speak with quiet confidence. "My past is a tough armor to take off, no matter how many times I try. The armor continues to be stubbornly stuck in place." Having mastered the art of sharing very little, she does a great job of making one think she said a lot. No one has ever questioned it thus far.

However, her father saw through her words and noticed her eyes. For all the mastery of concealment, the Princess has, her eyes give her away every single time. His forehead furrowed into a deep attentive frown. "Alright, now tell me about your past. Tell me the truth, Mary."

It's time to wade into discomfort and vulnerability, which is tiresome. Ironically this man is the example she's been given to follow, and he pushes back on any pain. Regardless of whether it's the truth he wants or not, he'll get it. It's time to fill the silence. She opened her mouth to speak her mind despite the shakiness of her voice. "Disappointed but not surprised has been my life's statement for longer than I can remember. I have been disappointed so many times by you that I'm not surprised anymore. Despite that, I keep hoping for a little fondness  from you when you can't even give me honesty."

The pressure in her head was mounting, so a delicate hand went to pinch the bridge of her nose. There's a headache coming on. "But what bothers me the most is I hate that I put myself in a position to be let down by you repeatedly. I'm just really wary of it. I'm tired of being collateral damage in this war with yourself for a male heir. Actions prove why words mean nothing, sometimes. People can say they love someone and call them my pearl all they want, but the actions tell the truth." She looked down at her feet.