Run, Amanda, Run [COMPLETED]

Chapter 23

Ang Ikadalawampu't-tatlong Kabanata:
Stronger

AMANDA'S POINT OF VIEW

We are now in a snack bar, still in the hotel. Buti nalang at wala masyadong tao rito.

I am doing my best to not lose my shit in front of her. My goodness, I've been planning this but not this early.

We were both silent as the waiter put down our orders on our table. Kahit nang makaalis ito ay walang nagsasalita saamin. Pasimple ko lang siyang nililingon, pilit hinuhulaan ang mood niya.

I simply sipped on my apple juice. To hydrate my throat. Baka kapag magsalita ako, bigla akong pumiyok.

"How are you, now, Amanda?" She finally started the talk.

"I'm... fine... po." Napalunok akong muli ng mariin. My goodness! Get a grip Amanda!

"Good then. You know... Ephraim always talked about you. He was so happy everytime he speaks about your relationship before. My only son... he used to tell me almost every little things about you."

'Talked'

'Was'

'Before'

'Used'

Those words... why are they so painful? Past tenses were never this hurtful.

Mabilis akong napasinghot nang magsimulang manubig ang ilong ko. Napipigilan ko nga ang mga mata ko pero ang ilong ko, hindi.

"I'm sorry. M-may sipon po kasi ako." Pagdadahilan ko at hindi na mapakali sa inuupuan ko.

Suddenly, she reached for my right hand to make me stop embarrassing myself in front of her more.

"It's okay, Amanda. I'm not here to see you para sumbatan ka. I'm here because I just want to meet you. To meet the only woman that my son ever loved." I stayed silent as I meet her warm eyes with her assuring smile.

Marahan kong binawi ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya at pinagsiklop ang dalawa kong kamay sa ilalim ng mesa.

It's now or never, Amanda. My hands gripped each other tightly.

"Tita... I mean... Mrs. Pascual, I want to say something." I started and breathed deep.

"I'm so... so..." I bit my lower lip. Napapikit nalang ako at napayuko.

"...sorry." I ended up bursting to tears again. Hindi ko na mapigilang umiyak sa halo-halong emosyong nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Who says I can hold my tears anyway? My heart felt so heavy inside and I couldn't take it anymore.

She stood up from her seat and sat next to mine. She held my hands and made me face her pero nanatili akong nakayuko. Hindi ko siya kayang tignan sa mga mata. I felt so ashamed that she was the one who looked for me first. Dapat ako ang nag-reach out. Noon pa.

But my cowardice won't just let me win about this matter.

"I know... I'm late for how many years already. I am so... so late." I breathed deeply between my cries. "I didn't had the courage to meet you after the incident. I-I was so afraid... and my guilt was consuming me so much. I'm so sorry for what happened. I'm so sorry Ephraim died." My heart's clenching so much. My pains that have been sleeping for quite some time now, they're growing and piercing through me again.