Reasons to Live | ✔

Chapter 15-

Chapter 15-

"So I can pick you up this afternoon?" Chris asked a bit warily. I held my phone against my ear with my shoulder and sat down on my bed. I'm a bit in shock myself that I said yes to him and stuck to my plan to go to the carnival with him even though I had a panic attack yesterday. I feel like I have to prove to him, to myself, maybe to the world, that I could do this.

That nothing is going to hurt me.

That I can go out with a guy and nothing will happen to me by the end of the day.

Not that anyone would know anyways.

Truthfully when I got home after Calvin drove me home last night I was thinking to cancel the event with Chris. I was tired, I felt dead inside after my breakdowns and it gets worse and worse every single time. 

Like my body was slowly shutting down. But something came over me this morning and I was determine to not let my breakdown stop me.

I just hope that I can get back to working at Starbucks as soon as possible as well since I was taking so many personal days off.

But who else is going to pay for food and rent if I didn't work?

"Yeah maybe around two if that's fine with you," I said, playing with the hem of my hoodie silently trying to not change my mind the last second. I bite my tongue just in case I accidently slipped and cancelled right there and then.

"Okay no problem. Are your friends coming or just us two? I'm fine with your friends tagging along if it works for you. I don't want it to be awkward with you like I mentioned before. Maybe you can invite Calvin," he said and I raised my eyebrows. He seemed to set on me inviting Calvin for some reason. 

I gulped nervously. 

Truthfully I wished I did now that he pointed it out. But it was too bad Megan is probably outside with Andy right now on one of her dates. Joshua was probably outside playing basketball or babysitting since it's the weekend. Calvin is most likely sleeping even though it's almost noon, and London is at Church with Grace and the other children. I was actually going to invite one of them to come but I decided not to because I don't want to bother them today.

Maybe I should have.

Why didn't I think this out a bit more?

"No just me and you," I managed to say, now a bit nervous about how this would play out. I can hear the joy in his voice as he planned out the day. I never would have thought he would be so happy about something like this. When we're done, I hanged up and sighed. 

He was going to pick me up at my house later on today so I have time to get ready but I still thought of bailing at the last second.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. 

Maybe I should tell someone else to go in my place.

I took a quick shower before picking out skinny jeans and a plaid red shirt and then a hoodie over it. I don't consider it a date or anything so I don't dress fancy to impress him. This is just a friend hanging out with friend.

Right?

I'm done in about an hour so I sat on the couch, turning on the TV and then checking my phone.

One text: Calvin.

'Morning. What are you doing? How you feeling?'

I don't know how or why but that simple text makes my heart speed up. And no, it's not because it's from Calvin or the fact that he decided to check up on me. It's was because that text was from a couple of hours ago. He actually texted me, and I checked it just now in the afternoon.