What If Instead Of...

3 Vivian

I think it's only when I find myself inside of the car that I realize what I'm doing.

"Leo, can I be somewhere apart from your company?» an awkward attempt to explain myself in advance, "Near the bar, for example. I won't go far, I promise."

I would really like to regain my former confidence and desire to have fun now, but thoughts about Aiden, Carine and all those people, who won't be happy about my presence, don't help with it at all.

No, that won't do.
If I think about everyone else, I will never start thinking about myself.

It doesn't matter when, the main thing is to start living. I will never have a second chance to live my youth.

"Okay, but please try not to get out of sight. I'm really worried about you," the guy answers warily, casting a brief glance at me.

"You're acting like the older brother I've never had," I comment, wishing to lighten the atmosphere.

"I don't quite understand, is this good or bad?" he answers, as if offended, smiling gently.

"It's wonderful," I say, turning away to the road.

This little conversation helped me a lot to distract myself - Leo is magic.
The fact that he cares about me makes me determined to enjoy the evening again.

I'm now at the stage where I absolutely don't know what will happen to me tomorrow – too many surprises have been happening lately, so there is no time to lose a moment of happiness.

"We've arrived," Leo says, stopping the car in front of the club, "Vivian, you look stunning."

He shakes his head restlessly from side to side and sighs deeply.

"Please be careful," comes another warning.

"I'm not going to war, stop frightening me," I say, unable to stand it.

"It would be better to go to war," the guy mutters to himself, opening the door to get out, but I still hear his words.

A crowd of smokers, where there are equally many boys and girls, gathered on the street. They're all looking me up and down, obviously wondering why I'm dressed up like this. I can't explain to them that I have a celebration of life today, and I'm not going to do it - they're unlikely to understand anyway, because they haven't had to live by the rules for so many years.

"I remember you wanted to smoke," Leo's voice is heard to my right, "I can ask for a cigarette from one of my friends. Will you try?" he wonders.

I stop abruptly and look at the guy, trying to find a catch in his offer.
Deciding if I want to try it, I look around the crowd and inhale the smell in the air more deeply.

"No, I don't think that's what I want," I answer honestly.

"Then let's go inside," Leo says with a wink and heads further towards the entrance.

It's the same club we've been to before.
The same waiters, the same sofas at the far end against the wall.
I quickly look in their direction to assess the situation – how far away I need to stay from that place. All I notice is Tiffany and some guy sitting next to her. Good.

Leo and I walk up to the bar together.

"Hi, Jess. Put on my bill everything this girl will order today," at this moment he points at me. The bartender girl nods with a smile.

I want to protest, but then realize I don't have a penny in my pocket, so I stop right there.

"Thank you," is all I manage to get out of my mouth.