Bonds of Light and Fire

32. A Tale of Bondage

    Three days. He had given himself three days to figure out what he was going to say to Luciana. Three days wasn't nearly long enough. Vaughan scrubbed at his face with a soft groan. There was so much he needed to say, and so little that he wanted to.

    It doesn't matter what I want, Vaughan told himself. Luciana deserves an explanation, and... He almost didn't want to admit it. She's right. As much as I don't want help, I need it.

    The state of his legs was a testament to that. If Maeve were still alive, she would've been sure to notice the damage, no matter how discreetly placed it was. And if Connall were still alive, Vaughan would've found both of his hands broken just to prevent him from doing it again. Even now, sharp pain clung to the wounds. Vaughan struggled to hide his winces every time he took a step. He wasn't even able to demonstrate all of the moves he needed to show his pupils.

    Vaughan hollered another set of instructions to the novices around him and watched with a critical eye as they shifted into the moves. Most of them were sweating profusely, despite the frigid air. Snow was coming. Dark clouds in the distance foretold of its arrival.

    Vaughan was certain it would be there by the next afternoon at the latest. After that, there wouldn't be much training going on until the storm cleared. That was why he was working his students so hard now. That was why Luciana had been running herself ragged with her own training.

    Three days. What was he going to say to her? How could he explain why he was afraid of her? Not as a person, but of who she was to him. What she was. What she, what they, might've been used for.

    I can't tell her what we are, Vaughan thought. Telling her is as good as accepting the bond, and I can't do that. I won't tell her what I learned in Doranelle. None of what I learned will tell her why that visit was so hard, or why I push people away in the first place. Vaughan couldn't help but sigh. If she's going to understand that, she has to know everything about my past.

    And, the more he thought about it, the more he began to realize that she deserved to know everything. As she had pointed out, he knew almost everything there was to know about her past. After everything she'd done for him and how he'd repaid her, telling her the truth was the least he could do. It would be hard. He didn't want to do it. But, if there was one thing he was experienced at, it was doing something regardless of the difficulty, or how unwilling he might be.

    "Hey," Aedion called, drawing Vaughan out of his thoughts.

    "What is it?" Vaughan glanced at the male from the corner of his eye.

    "I meant to bring this up a while ago, but I could never seem to catch you." Vaughan beckoned for him to continue. "Kyllian told me that Luciana was wondering if she'd be accepted back into the Bane, should the need arise. Apparently, she was worried that you might ask her to leave."

    "Would you take her back?"

    "If there was no other choice, but I'm worried about how Kron and Malik's remaining friends would interpret that. They might see it as us choosing Aeron and Luciana over Kron and Malik and that could cause a lot of trouble."

    "Trouble the Bane doesn't need," Vaughan sighed.

    "Yes. But what I meant to ask was, why would she be worried about that? Is there a reason why you wouldn't want her staying with you anymore?" Aedion arched a brow.

    "It's not something I can explain, exactly."

    "I see. Do you plan on asking her to leave?"